I have been sitting here by the fire, by the tree, one toddler napping, two young boys creating desserts with playdough… and I have been contemplating many things. Including how different it would be if I had a little newborn here resting on my chest. Fidelis would have been born this week, presumably, and to continue moving forward through time continues to reopen so many hard corners. Yet at a Classical Christian school’s Christmas concert last night (we wanted to go fellowship with friends, and let the kids cheer on some of their friends on stage!), rather than sitting there wistfully thinking about how hard it is to have a small family when I have a big-family-heart (which is SO true in my life every single day), the Lord mercifully granted me the thought instead ~ how marvelous that our laps are full of these three amazing miracles and that God is giving all five of us SUCH JOY in this music and this night and this place and this fellowship! So God’s faithfulness continues to show up in many facets, with many nuances, in many different circumstances. My joys AND my sorrows are beautiful because they have been given to me by my Father.
Of course that doesn’t mean that my sorrows don’t make me cry just like my joys make me laugh.
It just means that I occasionally have the grace to recognize that my life is a masterpiece created by The Artist with skills that utilize both light and shadows for His glory. And sometimes He even gives me the eyes to see beauty from His perspective.
I read the page that you linked to and it very nearly made me cry. My heart aches for you and the people I know who would love to have big families and for one reason or another, they can’t. The longing never goes away, does it? ((Hugs))
I have my own longings although they aren’t lined with so many sorrows and heartache as you have endured.
Longing, heartache, and sorrow come in many shapes and sizes, sweet Samantha. (((hugs))) I pray for the Lord to grant you the desires of your heart, according to His faithfulness and by His holy will. Amen.
Thank you, sweet friend. And thank you for your prayers!