Archive for the 'Heritage Peniel' Category

Jul 26 2014

My Wounds

I may have written this post a good while ago (not long after Heritage died), but it feels just as fresh, and my wounds are picked open and oozing even now. But the point is this: the wounds are not for naught. These wounds will be redeemed. There is a reason that I can not […]

One response so far

Apr 08 2014

What Was, Would’ve Been, Is, and Will Be

I am seeing God’s kindness and mercy in so many details of life right now. But things are still hard, nonetheless. It has been 9 1/2 weeks since I held Heritage in my hands: ten weeks yesterday since we found out she died. Gabriel continues to talk about her, and it is really beautiful to […]

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Feb 28 2014

Four Weeks

I just looked at the clock: it is 12:42 on Friday afternoon. It was exactly four weeks ago that I held my daughter in my hands. What a beautiful moment, what a horrible moment. What a piece of history. What a painful wound. Have you ever had those moments where you felt like something was […]

3 responses so far

Feb 15 2014


It is beautiful, and sometimes bittersweet, to listen to the conversations held by a 5-year-old. I love listening to him talk to his brother and sister, sometimes instructing, sometimes encouraging, sometimes telling stories. And I love listening to him talk about his other brothers and sisters too. Lately, he has not shied away from talking […]

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Feb 12 2014

They’re too big to miss

As I miss my baby girl (yes, Heritage is a girl… and apparently her chromosomes look a lot like her mommy’s… which makes me dream about what having a second little clone of me would have been like, just 18 months younger than her precious big sister…), I am clinging to faith, and clinging to […]

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Feb 04 2014

Grace given to us…

Most of the time, I can not stay curled up in a ball in my bed, alone with my tears… when I went through the majority of my miscarriages in the past, it really wasn’t so hard to spend hours of my day curled up with my tears, because Gabriel either wasn’t around yet, or […]

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Feb 01 2014

First and Last

Yesterday was the first and last time I ever got to hold Heritage in my hands. It was horribly painful yet terribly sweet at the same time. I am thankful that God gave us the opportunity to hold our baby, to see those precious arms and legs in their miniscule forms, to see the bright […]

3 responses so far

Jan 29 2014

Heritage Peniel

One thing my husband and I do for each of our babies is give them a name, and my husband writes a beautiful eulogy that we then share with our friends and family. We haven’t (yet) had a memorial service for any of our eight children in heaven, but we plan to someday ~ when […]

6 responses so far

Jan 28 2014

Thrown back into the valley

We have been walking on the mountaintops of LIFE. Blessed beyond description by the gift of living children, by renewed dreams, by bigger hopes… and suddenly we are dashed from the bliss on the sunny mountaintop and thrown back into the valley of the shadow of death. Our eighth miscarriage… but not one we exactly […]

4 responses so far

Jan 23 2014

What is “His best”?

I have an honest confession that I need to make, but it is very difficult to make this confession publicly. I feel like I should be stronger than I am, or at least more joyful even if weak. But the true confession is that I am really struggling to cope and function on the most […]

6 responses so far

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