Category: Poetry

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from “Streams In The Desert”

When is the time to trust?
Is it when all is calm,
When waves the victor’s palm,
And life is one glad psalm
Of joy and praise?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is when the waves beat high,
When storm clouds fill the sky,
And prayer is one long cry,
O help and save!

When is the time to trust?
Is it when friends are true?
Is it when comforts woo,
And in all we say and do
We meet but praise?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is when we stand alone,
And summer birds have flown,
And every prop is gone,
All else but God.

What is the time to trust?
Is it some future day,
When you have tried your way,
And learned to trust and pray
By bitter woe?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is in this moment’s need,
Poor, broken, bruised reed!
Poor, troubled soul, make speed
To trust thy God.

What is the time to trust?
Is it when hopes beat high,
When sunshine gilds the sky,
And joy and ecstasy
Fill all the heart?
Nay! but the time to trust
Is when our joy is fled,
When sorrow bows the head,
And all is cold and dead,
All else but God.

~Streams In The Desert~

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Not In Vain!

Not in vain, the tedious toil, On an unresponsive soil,
Travail, tears in secret shed, Over hopes that lay as dead.
All in vain, thy faint heart cries. Not in vain, thy Lord replies:
Nothing is to good to be; Then believe, believe to see.

Did thy labor turn to dust? Suff’ring – did it eat like rust
Till the blade that once was keen, As a blunted tool is seen?
Dust and rust thy life’s reward? Slay the thought; believe thy Lord!
When thy soul is in distress, Think upon His faithfulness.

Though there be not fig nor vine, In thy stall there be no kine,
Flock be cut off from the fold, Not a single lamb be told,
And thy olive berry fall Yielding no sweet oil at all,
Pulse-seed wither in the pod – Still do thou rejoice in God.

But consider, was it vain, All the travail on the plain?
For the bud is on the bough; It is green where thou didst plow.
Listen, tramp of little feet, Call of little lambs that bleat;
Hearken to it. Verily, Nothing is too good to be.

~Amy Carmichael~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many mothers apply this beautiful poem to the toil of motherhood.

I personally apply it to my toil in search of motherhood. A large part of me desperately wants to give up. It is too hard to keep trying to have children, keep losing them to early death, and now to have doctor after doctor give me news that this may well just be the story of my life (especially without some drastic interventions). “It is in vain,” I often hear my brain telling myself, “Give up now while you still have a chance and before the ridicule gets any heavier.”

But, like it or not, God has called us to a particular path — and apparently it just includes more drastic interventions than I ever dreamed would be necessary. God continues to give wisdom when we seek it: to us as we use our weak selves to ram down the doors of Heaven and beseech our Father with frequent & fervent prayers, to my parents who are helping us seek godly wisdom & wise counselors, specifically to my father who is most actively pounding down physical doors to attain the golden gift of wisdom. And since God is leading us, it is not in vain. Most certainly not. Whatever His purposes are, they are most definitely not vain.

And so this poem, in all its striking beauty and truth, brings me to hiccups of tears every time I read it.

My life is not in vain.
My womb is not in vain.
My childrens’ lives (no matter how short on earth) are not in vain.
Our prayers are not in vain.
Our desires are not in vain.
The research, the consultations, the tests are not in vain.
The medical treatments are not in vain.
Not a single shot, pill, blood draw, or infusion is in vain.
These myriads of “little deaths” that I am called to die for my family are not in vain.

And this, my friends, is good news for this tired, broken mama. Good news, indeed.

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Monday May 3, 2010

I read a few Samuel Rutherford quotes today, and this one particularly blessed me:

I dare not say but my Lord Jesus hath fully recompensed my sadness with His joys,
my losses with His own presence.
I find it a sweet and rich thing to exchange my sorrows with Christ’s joys,
my afflictions with that sweet peace I have with Himself.

And a couple of Amy Carmichael poems, including this sweet gem:

And shall I pray Thee change Thy will, my Father,
Until it be according unto mine?
But no, Lord, no, that never shall be; rather,
I pray Thee, blend my human will with Thine.
I pray Thee, hush the hurrying, eager longing;
I pray Thee, soothe the pangs of keen desire;
See in my quiet places wishes thronging;
Forbid them, Lord; purge, though it be with fire.
And work in me to will and do Thy pleasure;
Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry, content my Well-beloved’s leisure–
At last, at last, even as a weaned child.

I am continuing through “The One Year Book of Hope” — I am just beginning a section on Angels, and am looking forward to that.
I have also started “A Grief Observed,” and will soon share some of my favorite quotes/excerpts.
Lastly, I am about to finish reading “Womanly Dominion” — always good to be reminded of my beautiful role as wife, mother, sister, princess, and homekeeper for God.

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Tuesday April 20, 2010

All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing,
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong
Ye clouds that sail in Heaven along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou rising moon, in praise rejoice,
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou flowing water, pure and clear,
Make music for thy Lord to hear,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou fire so masterful and bright,
That givest man both warmth and light.

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dear mother earth, who day by day
Unfoldest blessings on our way,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
The flowers and fruits that in thee grow,
Let them His glory also show.

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And all ye men of tender heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And thou most kind and gentle Death,
Waiting to hush our latest breath,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou leadest home the child of God,
And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
And praise the Spirit, Three in One!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

~Francis of Assisi, cir­ca 1225 (Can­ti­co di frat­re so­le, Song of Bro­ther Sun). He wrote this hymn short­ly be­fore his death, but it was not pub­lished for al­most 400 years. Trans­lat­ed to Eng­lish by William H. Draper for a children’s Whit­sun­tide fes­ti­val in Leeds, Eng­land; first ap­peared in the Pub­lic School Hymn Book, 1919~

Thou hidden source of calm repose,
Thou all sufficient love divine,
My help and refuge from my foes,
Secure I am if Thou art mine;
And lo! from sin and grief and shame
I hide me, Jesus, in Thy Name.

Thy mighty Name salvation is,
And keeps my happy soul above;
Comfort it brings, and power and peace,
And joy and everlasting love;
To me with Thy dear Name are given
Pardon and holiness and Heaven.

Jesus, my all in all Thou art,
My rest in toil, my ease in pain,
The healing of my broken heart,
In war my peace, in loss my gain,
My smile beneath the tyrant’s frown,
In shame my glory and my crown.

In want my plentiful supply,
In weakness my almighty power,
In bonds my perfect liberty,
My light in Satan’s darkest hour,
In grief my joy unspeakable,
My life in death, my Heaven in hell.

~Charles Wesley, “Hymns and Sac­red Po­ems“, 1749~

Psalm 4
(With interspersed thoughts by me, praying this psalm, in italics.)

To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments. A Psalm of David.

Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
(Sometimes I feel like I am literally begging You to answer. And sometimes I can’t tell if you do.)
   You have given me relief when I was in distress.
(You are my only relief. My distress chases me daily. Continue to be my relief!)
   Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!
(Hear me, please. Listen to the cries of your maidservant. Have mercy on my humble estate.)

O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame?
   How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?
                    Selah
(Oh Lord, sometimes I feel like my own honor is shameful. I feel tempted to love vanity and lies, as it is sometimes easier than loving righteousness and truth, for the devil is sugar-coated and cunning. Cause me to be honorable. And cause me to not only seek righteousness and truth, but to love it with every bone in my body.)

But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for Himself;
   the LORD hears when I call to Him.
(Lord, I am Yours; You have called me and adopted me as Your child. As my Father, hear my prayers, my calls, my cries, my pleas.)

Be angry, and do not sin;
    ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.
                     Selah
(So often, Lord, I feel anger bubbling up inside. Sometime it is righteous anger, and sometimes it is not. Forgive me, Father, for sinning in anger. Teach me to have anger only as You do. As I silently lie here and ponder You and Your kingdom, Your people and Your ways; teach me righteous love, righteous compassion, and righteous anger. I am angry at sin, at death, at their consequences.)

Offer right sacrifices,
   and put your trust in the LORD.
(I bring you a broken spirit, my Lord, a broken and contrite heart. Be please to accept these sacrifices, as I praise You both in joy and in tears. Cause me to trust You more and more each day, and lead me paths of righteousness for Your name’s sake.)

 There are many who say, “Who will show us some good?
    Lift up the light of Your face upon us, O LORD!”
(People have asked me recently why I trust You. And how I know that You lift the light of Your face upon us. Of this I am confident, though: You do, and You will. Show us some good, my Lord, according to Your great measure of mercies.)
You have put more joy in my heart
   than they have when their grain and wine abound.
(The joy in my heart comes from You, from Your salvation, from Your promises to me as Your child. All the promises of earth and vanity are nothing but vapors and lies. Remind me daily, my King, to drink from the well of joy You have placed in my heart by Your grace.)

In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
   for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
(Thank You for peace, for rest, for eternal safety in Your bosom. Thank You, my Father, for these blessings! Bless and keep us, and make Your face to shine upon us, lift up Your countenance upon us, and give us peace. You are our shepherd and captain. Keep us mindful of Your careful, gentle hand; show us Your mighty protection and wise guiding.)

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Wednesday April 7, 2010

Lord of the brooding blue
Of pleasant summer skies,
Lord of each little bird that through
The clear air flies,
‘Tis wonderful to me
That I am loved by Thee.

Lord of the blinding heat,
Of mighty wind and rain,
The city’s crowded street,
Desert and peopled plain,
‘Tis wonderful to me
That I am loved by Thee.

Lord of night’s jeweled roof,
Day’s various tapestry,
Lord of the warp and woof
Of all that yet shall be,
‘Tis wonderful to me
That I am loved by Thee.

Lord of my merry cheers,
My grey that turns to gold,
And my most private tears
And comforts manifold,
‘Tis wonderful to me
That I am loved by Thee.

~Amy Carmichael~

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Sunday April 4, 2010

CHRIST IS RISEN!
HE IS RISEN, INDEED!

Praise to the Lord, our Father, our Savior, our indwelling Spirit ~ He alone has triumphed over sin and death, conquering even the grave. Rejoice, for He and His people are free of bondage to death, free to eternal life and perfect resurrection. Amen!

~~~~~~~~~~

Now let the vault of Heav’n resound
In praise of love that doth abound,
“Christ hath triumphed, alleluia!”
Sing, choirs of angels, loud and clear,
Repeat their song of glory here,
“Christ hath triumphed, Christ hath triumphed!”
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Eternal is the gift He brings,
Wherefore our heart with rapture sings,
“Christ hath triumphed, Jesus liveth!”
Now doth He come and give us life,
Now doth His presence still all strife
Through His triumph; Jesus reigneth!
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

O fill us, Lord, with dauntless love;
Set heart and will on things above
That we conquer through Thy triumph,
Grant grace sufficient for life’s day
That by our life we ever say,
“Christ hath triumphed, and He liveth!”
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Adoring praises now we bring
And with the heavenly blessèd sing,
“Christ hath triumphed, Alleluia!”
Be to the Father, and our Lord,
To Spirit blest, most holy God,
Thine the glory, never ending!
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!

~Paul Strodach (1876-1947)~

~~~~~~~~~~

The promise of the resurrection is especially precious to us this Easter, as we have more children in heaven this year than we had ever previously imagined. While the worship service this morning was beautiful (complete with trumpets, trombone, organ, piano, choir, singing, Scripture, Lord’s Supper…), it was also cutting. Speaking of resurrection is always bittersweet for us. It reminds us of our children. It reminds us of future hope. And hope is just so hard right now that it is hard to pretend anymore. I am thankful for Christ’s death, because it lead to resurrection ~ and because it is a reminder that my children, who are ultimately His children, have also triumphed over death. And someday I too will succumb to the dust of the earth, and I too will overcome death for life.

Resurrection.

Anastasis.

Today I am especially thankful.

Praise the Lord! Alleluia! Amen!

~~~~~~~~~~

1 Peter 1:3
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead…!”

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Thursday April 1, 2010

Of course you know that we love Jamie Soles’ music. Gabriel is one of his biggest fans. 🙂
And this week I have had the cd “Memorials” playing in the car. I thought it was appropriate, as we are in Holy Week, which is all about remembering what the Lord has done & accomplished.
I just wanted to share some of my favorite lyrics this week from this particular disc.

The song “Take A Lamb” (I really love the covenantal aspect to this song/story):

Take a lamb, lead a spotless lamb to the slaughter
For the sake of yourselves, your sons and your daughters
Put the blood on the doorposts and the lintel of your house
When the angel comes he will see and pass over

The blood will be to Me a sign
That all within the house are Mine
Those who eat the lamb are delivered from My Hand
I will take them to the land that I have promised

Take a lamb, lead a spotless lamb to the slaughter
For the sake of yourselves, your sons and your daughters
Put the blood on the doorposts and the lintel of your house
When the angel comes he will see and pass over

You shall remember this day
As an evermore memorial to Me
You shall keep the feast, from the greatest to the least
You shall take and eat, remember and believe

Take a lamb, lead a spotless lamb to the slaughter
For the sake of yourselves, your sons and your daughters
Put the blood on the doorposts and the lintel of your house
When the angel comes he will see and pass over you

From the song “Twelve Stones” (I appreciate the “so” part of this song – that all peoples will know Yahweh is strong, and that you may fear God):

Twelve tribes, twelve men
Twelve stones from Jordan
Taken from where the priests were standing
To the bank to be set up
For the people to see (set them up)
For your own memory
And when your children ask
“What does this mean? (what does this mean?)

You say “The Lord your God
Dried up the waters of the Jordan
Until you passed through
Just like He did at the sea
When He set us all free
So that all the people of the earth
May know that the hand of Yahweh is strong
And so that you may fear the Lord your God forever

The song “Unto My Memorial” (I just love this whole song, and it tends to go through my mind every Lord’s Day as our pastor prepares the Lord’s Supper for us):

Now, now when I hear of your coming together
I hear your coming is not for the better
I hear your coming is now for the worse
Now I hear that there are divisions among you
I hear you keeping up factions among you
I hear you turning this peace to a curse

For some of you are going ahead
And some of you are going hungry
And some of you are getting drunk
And despising those with nothing
By this you despise the Church of God

For I received from the Lord
What I also delivered to you
That the Lord Jesus, on the night He was betrayed
Took bread, gave thanks, broke it and said

This is My body which is for you
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
This is My body which is for you
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
In the same way He took the cup and said
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
This cup is the new covenant in My blood
Do this (do this) unto My memorial

Let there be no divisions among you
Put away your factions
No more turning this peace into a curse
This is My Body

This is My body which is for you
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
This is My body which is for you
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
This is My body which is for you
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
This is My body which is for you
Do this (do this) unto My memorial
Unto My memorial, unto My memorial

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Saturday March 13, 2010

The boy is napping and the hubby is working outside in the yard. I am supposed to be drinking tea and reading – but my tea (earl grey – my daily favorite) is already cold. So why not take another few minutes to say hello to the world? 🙂
We went out on a little family date today. My tires needed switched out (in fact, we never really needed my studded tires this year), so while they were being done, we went to Starbucks for a rare treat, and then to the grocery store to wander around and pick out a few special things for upcoming meals. Like delicious-looking olives for our Sabbath supper tomorrow night (after our niece & nephew’s birthday party!), paired with applewood smoked cheddar cheese & crackers & red wine.
Delicious food has been something I’ve enjoyed focusing on lately. Making dinners that are new to our palate, and coming up with some new kitchen skills along the way. I have even added some new ingredients to my fridge lately: like fresh ginger, green onions, and fresh parsley – apparently these are all much better fresh than dried, so I’ve been giving it a shot. 🙂
I have made a bunch of new recipes this week, including a crockpot version of Beef Burgundy, a Blackberry Buckle, a round loaf of sweet bread (I don’t generally use recipes for bread, but this one was worth trying), and Chicken Scampi over Lemon Noodles. Mmmm! Tonight we’re opting for quick and familiar: salad (with homemade dressing and croutons) and grilled burgers. I just hope it doesn’t rain on the grilling… it isn’t as fun to grill in a storm. 🙂
I am looking forward to giving my niece & nephew their birthday gifts tomorrow. They won’t probably love them as much as I do – especially because they will be dripping in oodles of birthday gifts from all the relatives… but hey, it’ll be fun anyway. 🙂 I can’t believe they will be one year old this week!
As much as I am excited they are turning one, it is also bringing up memories that I am not looking forward to delving into. A year ago I was pregnant with Glory Hesed. I never really imagined that I would still be newborn-less a year later. And, at the very least, I thought I would have a full womb now. But nope. Empty. And I hate that. I’m pretty sick of it, actually. I feel alone in my plight… and then God reminds me (as I will elaborate upon in a moment) that I’m not. Even though I may feel it.
One of the hidden blessings that comes with being a bereaved mommy is the perspective I can bring to others. So many women take pregnancy for granted. They take healthy babies for granted. They take motherhood for granted. And not that I am perfect either. I am a sinner, too! And my perspective isn’t always what I would like. For instance, last night I was exhausted – it had been a long day, and an even longer week. And I really just wanted Gabriel to go to bed so I could take a long hot shower & head to bed too. My normal bedtime routine with him is to read 3 books, sing 3 songs, pray together, put him in bed, give him his blessing, and leave the room. It takes a good 20 minutes. Last night I picked short books and short songs. And he desperately wanted one more book (which may have turned into four more books, if I had let it…). But I said no. Was that selfish? Or was it prudent? And how do I know the difference sometimes? I’m uncertain. I told him that we’d already read our three books, and it was time to sing. So he cried a little as I sang him three short liturgical hymns (they tend to be the shortest…), and then he was fine and ready to pray and ready to go to bed.
As I sang, I remembered my five little babies who I no longer get to read bedtime stories to. I no longer get to rock them and sing to them at night. And I wish I could. I sincerely, desperately wish I could read them “just one more book.”
One of the songs I sing to Gabriel (the one that I always end with, and the only one that I faithfully sing every single night) goes like this:
God that madest earth and heaven, darkness and light;
Who the day for toil hast given, for rest the night;
May Thine angels guard defend us,
Slumber sweet Thy mercy send us,
Holy dreams and hopes attend us
This live-long night.
Guard us waking, guard us sleeping, and when we die;
May we in Thy mighty keeping all peaceful lie;
When the last dread call shall wake us,
Do not Thou our God forsake us,
But to reign in Glory take us
With Thee on high.
I love this song. And yet it is so painful for me. I have sung this to all of my babies. All of them. And the hardest part for me is when I am pregnant, and I have to sing the line about guarding us when we die. Five of my babies have died, and I have prayed this song with them in my belly.
Yes, I am continuing to grapple with grief. It comes and it goes, against my will and even sometimes against my expectations. God continues to teach me, mold me, break me, grow me, forgive me, love me, and sustain me.
And -back to my original thought- I am beginning to be equipped with so much with which to help other bereaved mothers. I am part of a few online forums/groups of bereaved women, and I am constantly surprised by how often the Lord brings certain women to talk with me, ask for prayer, ask for wisdom, wanting to know my experiences. I feel so helpless and useless, and yet the Lord is using me. I get emails not infrequently (four in the last month) from women (some I know, others have simply stumbled upon me) who have lost babies. I feel blessed to pray for them, to weep with them (because you know I do), to grieve with them, and to offer any support that I can. Even though I feel so ill-equipped, I can tell that God is continuing to equip & use me.
I don’t know what He is going to do with me long-term. But I have no doubt that He is molding me for lifelong service. I am not in love yet with the idea of forever being surrounded by grief and sorrow – but I am called to serve Him and His people. And I will do whatever He asks of me. If I can help any hurting mother whose arms are aching & empty – it gives my babies’ lives & deaths even more beauty & purpose by the grace of God, and lengthens their legacies.
Please pray with me that God would use me in His kingdom, for His kingdom, by His power & strength.

I was reading more Amy Carmichael poetry this afternoon, and wanted to share this poem, which so aptly describes what I feel:

Thy servant, Lord, hath nothing in the house,
Not even one small pot of common oil;
For he who never cometh but to spoil
Hath raided my poor house again, again–
That ruthless strong man, armed, whom men call Pain.

I thought that I had courage in the house,
And patience to be quiet and endure,
And sometimes happy songs. Now I am sure
Thy servant truly hath not anything;
And see, my song-bird hath a broken wing.

~~

My servant, I have come into the house–
I who know Pain’s extremity so well
That there can never be the need to tell
His power to make the flesh and spirit quail:
Have I not felt the scourge, the thorn, the nail?

And I, his Conqueror, am in the house,
Let not your heart be troubled–do not fear:
Why shouldst thou, child of Mine, if I am here?
My touch will heal thy song-bird’s broken wing,
And he shall have a braver song to sing.

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Wednesday March 10, 2010


OBIIT MDCCCXXXIII.
By Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1849)

 

STRONG Son of God, immortal Love,

Whom we, that have not seen Thy face,

By faith, and faith alone, embrace,

Believing where we cannot prove;

Thine are these orbs of light and shade;

Thou madest Life in man and brute;

Thou madest Death; and lo, thy foot

Is on the skull which Thou hast made.

Thou wilt not leave us in the dust:

Thou madest man, he knows not why,

He thinks he was not made to die;

And Thou hast made him: Thou art just.

Thou seemest human and divine,

The highest, holiest manhood, Thou:

Our wills are ours, we know not how;

Our wills are ours, to make them Thine.

Our little systems have their day;

They have their day and cease to be:

They are but broken lights of Thee,

And thou, O Lord, art more than they.

We have but faith: we cannot know;

For knowledge is of things we see;

And yet we trust it comes from Thee,

A beam in darkness: let it grow.

Let knowledge grow from more to more,

But more of reverence in us dwell;

That mind and soul, according well,

May make one music as before,

But vaster. We are fools and slight;

We mock Thee when we do not fear:

But help Thy foolish ones to bear;

Help Thy vain worlds to bear Thy light.

Forgive what seem’d my sin in me;

What seem’d my worth since I began;

For merit lives from man to man,

And not from man, O Lord, to Thee.

Forgive my grief for one removed,

Thy creature, whom I found so fair.

I trust he lives in Thee, and there

I find him worthier to be loved.

Forgive these wild and wandering cries,

Confusions of a wasted youth;

Forgive them where they fail in truth,

And in Thy wisdom make me wise.

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Monday March 8, 2010

Today I had another immunoglobulin blood infusion, to help my body with my autoimmune problem. It is longer and more complicated than most of you want to hear, so I won’t go into details. 🙂 I am thankful that today’s treatment is done, and that after tomorrow it will be another month until I need my next one. Once I got my headache (a common side effect) under control and rested for a while after the i.v. treatment was done, I did some baking and eventually a little reading (while Gabriel watched a dvd). God never fails to provide for me, not only physically but emotionally & spiritually – if I just open my eyes to see it. Steven sent me the most wonderful email this morning, reminding me to take everything to my Lord in prayer. I needed that. And a lady from church who used to get blood infusions (different from mine, yet similar in essence) emailed me today to say she’s praying for me & wanted to encourage me to fight this good fight – reminding me again that it is a good fight. How easily I forget that. And my mama spent hours here today watching Gabriel for me while I was tied to the i.v. as well as afterward when I wasn’t feeling well enough to look after him myself (I still have the hep-lock in my arm, so that makes things a little tricky with a youngin’). Even in my baking today (for our dinner with friends tonight), He provided: I had two eggs left and 2 teaspoons of baking powder left. Well, guess what? I needed one egg and 2 tsp of baking powder for the dessert, and I needed one egg for the bread. How good is our God! Even in the little details. Just another reminder to me of how I need to ask for daily grace, my daily bread, because He only ever promises to give us strength for the day, and bread for the day.
Daily.
I can’t stock up!
It’s like manna.
Gotta keep filling up each day. 🙂

“If your Lord call you to suffering, be not dismayed; there shall be a new allowance of the King for you when ye come to it. One of the softest pillows Christ hath is laid under His witnesses’ head, though often they must set down their bare feet among thorns.” ~Samuel Rutherford

“There is no sweeter fellowship with Christ than to bring our wounds and our sores to Him.” ~Samuel Rutherford

What room is there for troubled fear?
I know my Lord, and He is near;
And He will light my candle, so
That I may see the way to go.

There need be no bewilderment
To one who goes where he is sent;
The trackless plain by night and day
Is set with signs lest he should stray.

My path may cross a waste of sea,
But that need never frighten me;
Or rivers full to very brim,
But they are open ways to Him.

My path may lead through woods at night,
Where neither moon nor any light
Of guiding star or beacon shines;
He will not let me miss my signs.

Lord, grant to me a quiet mind,
That trusting Thee –for Thou art kind–
I may go on without a fear,
For Thou, my Lord, art always near.

~Amy Carmichael

Thou art the Lord who slept upon the pillow;
Thou art the Lord who soothed the furious sea;
What matter beating wind and tossing billow
If only we are in the boat with Thee?

Hold us in quiet through the age-long minute
While Thou art silent, and the wind is shrill.
Can the boat sink while Thou, dear Lord, art in it?
Can the heart faint that waiteth on Thy will?

~Amy Carmichael