Author: joyfuldomesticity

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Timelessness

Sometimes a timeless moment in the midst of an ordinarily epic life story looks blurry from the speed and excitement… and it’s extra timeless when my son is wearing a flannel shirt my mother sewed for my brother 30 years ago, and my daughter is wearing the Osh Kosh overalls my brother and I both wore in the early eighties. This was an explosion of an evening in the most mundane little ways, because the sunset was gorgeous, the evening was mild, and the children were so giggly.

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Your life, right now, today, is exploding
with energy and power and detail and dimension,
better than the best movie you have ever seen.

You and your family and your friends
and your house and your dinner table
and your garage have all the makings
of a life of epic proportions,
a story for the ages.

Because they all are.
Every life is.

~Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines, p18~

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Prayers of Psalmody for our Children

 

Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,
who walks in His ways!
Your children will be like olive shoots around your table.
May you see your children’s children!
Psalm 128:1, 3, 6 (ESV)

Sisters in the Lord Jesus Christ, the ones specifically today who are raising the next generation for the Kingdom of God; how we need to recover and embrace the duty, the art, the service, the joy of praying for our children. No matter how old your children are, it is time to pray for them. And if there are children in your life who you do not mother, it is still a glorious privilege to bring them before our Father as well—so please join us in praying, even if you pray for the children of others. May we break forth in prayer to our Father in the vein of mothers like Hannah, like Mary, like Lois and Eunice. May He hear us and grant us our requests in accordance with His holy will. Please kneel with me and bow your hearts in prayer, as we pray together for our children.

 

Holy Father in Heaven, incline Your ear toward us, answer us in our need. Please hear us for the sake our children, who belong to You according to Your covenant promises. Please, Father, preserve our lives—we seek godliness in the light of Your glory, for You are our God and we trust You. We trust You for salvation and provision, O God. Be gracious to us, and hear our cries. Lift us up and give us gladness because of Your goodness, Your forgiveness, your steadfast love. Because of these things, Triune God, we plea for grace and ask you to hear our prayers. (Psalm 86:1-6) We pray for the sake of the children You have entrusted to us. May Your will be done.

Father, my children come from a line of Christians that have been faithful to Your covenant, like Timothy’s line through Eunice and Lois. You have put faith in the hearts of my children, and I ask You to fan that flame which is a gift of God. Please enable my children to embrace the spirit of power and love and self-control that You have given them. Give my children strength to share in the sufferings for the Gospel, for You have saved my children and called them to a holy calling, for Your own purpose and grace. Lord, give my children confidence in You, and allow them never to be ashamed of their testimony for Your Kingdom. (1 Timothy 1:5-9) You are in heaven, and You alone are the Holy One.

God, please give our children the grace and wisdom they need to keep the commandments of their father, give them stout faith and diligence so that they do not forsake the teaching of their mother. Please bind Your truth on the hearts of our children and tie them around their necks, keeping the commandments of righteousness ever before their eyes. Lord, cause these things to lead our children when they walk, to watch over our children when they lie down, and to speak Truth to our children when they wake. (Deuteronomy 6:20-22) Father, give our children graceful garlands for their heads and pendants for their necks, that are the instruction and teaching of their parents in godly fear and humble hearts. Use us as their parents to instruct and teach in godliness. Please give our children faithful dedication to the things they have been taught from Your Word so that they will flee from evil, run from temptation, and not consent to the enticement of sinners. (Proverbs 1:8-10) Please protect our children from the evils that surround them, for indeed we do not only battle against the physical things of a sinful world, but against the spiritual forces of evil and the hidden principalities of the devil. Please, O Lord our God, grant that our children would be equipped with Your armor, so that they will stand firm when facing evil. Oh Father, fasten upon our children the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace. Give our children the shield of faith, and use it in them to extinguish the flaming darts of the evil one. Put on their heads the helmet of salvation, put in their hands the sword of the Spirit. Give our children praying hearts, making them alert with perseverance, giving them mouths to boldly proclaim Your Gospel. (Ephesians 6:10-19) In this way, O Lord, further Your Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven. Lead our children not into temptation, and deliver them from evil.

God of all wisdom, please grant wisdom to the hearts of our children. Direct them in Your way. Teach them discernment, giving them eyes to see folly for its emptiness. Give our children ears and hearts that are eager to heed the voice of their father and honor their mother. Please give our children a love of truth, so that they will seek wisdom, instruction, and understanding in all things. O God, give us the hearts of our children, and give them eyes to observe our walks with You, even as You mercifully grant us the grace we need to walk faithfully with You. Let us rejoice and be glad over children who are faithful and righteous. (Proverbs 23:19-26) Give us faith for what we do not yet see, and give us hope for the future, knowing that You hold it all. Enable us as parents not to provoke our children to anger, but give us humble dependence on You as we bring them up in Your paideia. Cause our children to honor and obey their parents, in You, and be true to Your promise to them to bless them. (Ephesians 6:1-4) Give them their daily bread.

Lord, You are our God and God of our children, and Your name is majestic! You are glorified above all, and Your glory is in the heavens. Establish strength in our children because of Your grace, and use the faith and testimony of our children to still Your enemies. (Psalm 8:1-2) Thank You, Lord, for the heritage You have given us in these children—please continue to make us fruitful as we nurture these olive shoots for Your Kingdom. Thank You for blessing our quiver with gifts of life! Please make us skillful archers to tend these arrows, help us to hone and sharpen and straighten these arrows by Your grace and favor. May we always remember that it is not their number that is important but their efficacy. Oh Lord, make our children potent. (Psalm 127:3-5) Please give us as parents wisdom and humility to train our children in the way they should go, so they will embrace Your covenant and never depart from You, giving us grace to discipline our children according to Your Word so that folly is driven from them and their hearts are continually softened by Your Word. (Proverbs 22:6, 15)

When our children sin, Lord God, bring them to repentance quickly. Create in them clean hearts and restore righteousness to them because of Jesus their Savior. (Psalm 51:3, 10) O Lord, be merciful to our children, for You are gracious. Show them what it is to be slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Father, forgive our children for their sins. Your love toward those who fear You is as high as heaven is above the earth! Show the depth of Your love and mercy toward our children by removing their transgressions from them as far as the east is from the west, as they fear You and repent. Show Your compassion to our children, and remember their frame of dust. Lord, our children’s days are busy as grass, but You and Your love endure for all eternity. Because of this, Lord of our family, we boldly ask You to remain faithful to our children and our grandchildren and our generations after them who keep Your covenant and do Your commandments, because You are indeed faithful and show us Your steadfast love. (Psalm 103:8-18) Forgive all of us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

According to Your great grace, our God and Father, be pleased to bless our children. Cause them to walk in Your ways so that they will eat the fruit of their labors, that they will be blessed—bring them spouses of unique valor and give them faithful, industrious, beautiful, creative, singing, dancing children. Give our children a zest for You and fear of You—in Your mercy, bless them from Your holy mountain, show them prosperity, allow them to see their children’s children, enable them to spread peace abroad. (Psalm 128) Delight our children with Your law, and be ever on their hearts and minds. Establish our children, for the sake of Your everlasting love, like trees planted by streams of water. Make our children fruitful in their seasons, and make them green with strength and integrity. O Lord God, for the sake of Your Kingdom and the testimony of Your people, in all that our children do, give them purity and make them prosper. (Psalm 1:2-3)

Our hearts exult in You, O Lord God, in You alone are our horns exalted. We laugh at our enemies and rejoice in Your salvation. There is none holy like You, O Lord, no one beside You—no rock like You, our most faithful God. (1 Samuel 1:1-2) Hear our prayers and show Your faithfulness so that we can glorify You anew and again. Yours is the Kingdom, the Power, the Glory—always and forever. Amen.

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Morning {Motherhood} Glory

 

The glory of motherhood comes camouflaged in so much chaos.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p198~

 

This morning, after waking my soul by praying in the dark under the warmth of a duvet, I managed to pull myself out of bed before the kids were even stirring. Kissing my husband goodbye is always bittersweet—sending him off to tame his portion of the wild, to tend the domain put into his hands—getting kisses for the kids, and extra for myself to carry me through until our lips meet again. A new day, new mercies. Even old things feel new sometimes, like these soft morning kisses that spark my soul.

I shuffle out of the bedroom, turn on music and set lavender candles ablaze in the hushed morning. Sunshine not yet streaming over the foggy hills in the east, I start the fire, put away dishes, put in a load of laundry, proof yeast & set the mixer kneading, make a dark cup of coffee. I set out little bowls of raisins & Cheerios, with cups of milk alongside, and vitamins resting in the spoons. Chairs lined up on one side of our table—one, two, three. I pause for a moment over the mercy that that number is. Three.

I dress in my workout clothes and put a heating pad on my back, then sit at my desk with coffee and books and blogs and Scriptures. I empty myself in spirit and ask the Lord to fill me up with Himself. I find Him in friends and pastors and authors. I find Him in a couple short email conversations.

Then I find Him in one of my favorite places, wrapped in the softest skin, whispers and muted footsteps coming down the stairs. The gate at the bottom of the steps creaks. I see two little red heads and four bright blue eyes peering secretly around the corner at me. They begin to sneak on tiptoes around the kitchen island, coming up behind me to surprise their mommy. I pretend not to know, to play their game, to give them joy—which then gives me joy right back. Boo!

Giggles ensue. With many kisses, a dozen tight hugs.

They run to their little sister’s room, eager to have her join their antics. They know we are incomplete without her. Soon a little caramel topped girl, dolls tucked under each arm, joins the tiptoeing, the giggling. I can no longer hear my own thoughts, the psalms that are playing on the stereo are drowned out, the beeping washing machine and oven timer might be going off but I wouldn’t know it.

Eventually, three sets of tummies begin to growl, I put my books back in a stack in the far corner of my desk, then help three little bums to their chairs. Three sets of hands fold, three copper topped heads bow.

It’s quiet, I hear lungs breathing and noses sniffling. I hear the fire crackle, outside raindrops, the spin cycle on the washing machine. Three little miracles, quiet here knowing they are about to give thanks to their Creator, preaching to one another their faith even as it comes out their folded fingertips in routines. This is a holy moment, holy ground, even with mundane Cheerios before us and an empty coffee cup in my hand—because we are quiet in the presence of God, Who is always with us, and this is one of those moments where my children talk with Him together, and where we praise Him for His provision of both big & little things. In one breath, with the pandemonium suddenly subdued, this moment and this place feel purely consecrated.

Who wants to pray? I whisper, almost afraid to ruin the sacred moment.

I do it, the littlest one whispers right back. And she does—in a hushed tone, with entwined fingers and bowed head, and eyes rapidly blinking because she doesn’t yet know how to keep them closed tight. Unprompted, she prays: God. Thank You. Food. Milk. Vitamins. Daddy. Mommy. Gabriel. Asher. God. Thank You. Food. Bless us. God. Thank You. JesusnameAMEN.

Hands unfold to grab for spoons, heads start to bob with chatter and laughter. Chaos returns with giggles and spilled milk and Cheerios on the floor and asking for orange juice and shouting when someone notices it’s raining or there is a robin on the fence or half a dozen deer right outside the window.

I stand back and revel in the noise, trying to hear my own thoughts. The way these things are so simple and so profound at the same moment. I lay out schoolbooks and coloring books, wonder if I will find time to exercise, put the cereal bowls in the dishwasher, stop a squabble, add another log to the fire, let the dog out, help the children exchange cozy jammies for clean clothes. Coffee is gone and breakfast eaten, the music plays on, the fire roars, the candles flicker. Deep breaths: the day has begun.

This is a good life. The repetition, the routine, the mundane, the small, the quiet, the noise. They are big to me—huge, in fact. And they are beautiful—glorious.

The Lord is here, present, with us—Immanuel. In the quiet moments and in the loud chaotic ones. I expect today, like every day, will hold many of both.

 

Only miracle is plain; it is the ordinary that groans with the unutterable weight of glory.
~Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: a Culinary Reflection, p99~

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Thinking Big, Together

Think big. Great cooking is not the work of small minds.
~Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: a Culinary Reflection, p63~

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Family time means interacting with each other.
Every night will not go perfectly and be a beautiful picture of The Children’s Hour.
The idea is to have a goal to aim for:
“If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”
The Christian family is one that loves each other,
takes care of each other,
and is the salt of the earth and a light to the world.
It is hard to build relationships with each other if we aren’t doing anything together.
~Kim Brenneman, Large Family Logistics, pg248~

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he leaves me speechless

Last Wednesday evening, my oldest son and I got to tag along with my parents to a Lenten event at our church, while my husband stayed home with two sick toddlers. It made me feel like a kid again, sitting in the backseat of my parents’ car; and having my little boy next to me, feeling more like he was my brother than my son, made me relaxed and happy. We talked, mostly in giggly whispers, the whole way to church. And hours later (long after bedtime), he held my hand in the backseat while he fell asleep. Before he fell asleep though, he asked my dad, “so Grandpapa, your birthday is tomorrow: what would you like to do special with me for your birthday?” What an adorable grandchildlike question. So it was decided that the next morning, Gabriel would take Grandpapa out for breakfast, before one went to work & the other went to a fire station on a fieldtrip. Well, the breakfast happened on Grandpapa’s birthday, and I swung by to pick up my little boy on our way to the fieldtrip, and as he climbed into the backseat (where he feels more like my son and less like my brother), he said, “Mommy I bought you a present!” At first, I thought maybe he meant the last sip of 7Up in the shiny green can he clutched against his chest. But then he held out a precious little wooden sign with a cheesy saying and a wire hanger, complete with a red gingham ribbon tied on. He spent his very own five dollar bill on it for me, for no other reason than he saw it, he thought of me, and he wanted to make me smile. I held it together, but I kind of wanted to cry. This little man-in-the-making is both tender and strong. And he leaves me speechless, at the foot of the throne of grace in thankfulness.

 

The memories my children carry with them into adulthood are largely up to me.
In the everyday routines of life,
I have the power to provide my children
with countless loving memories of human connection.
I also have the ability to leave my children
with a scarce supply of meaningful moments together.
~Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama, p57~

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Freedom to love and enjoy our children
flows out of the knowledge that
God saves them in spite of our best efforts,
not because of them.
Salvation is of the Lord.
~Elyse Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson, Give Them Grace, p53~

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God started to show me how to see my son.
Not with a magnifying glass, but with a mirror.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p141~

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Prayers of Psalmody in Motherhood

 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
Psalm 127:3-5 (ESV)

My dear sisters in the Lord Jesus Christ, and most particularly today, the ones who are raising little ones for the Kingdom of God; how we need to cover not only our children in prayer but also ourselves as their mothers! I find it so much easier to pray for others than to pray for myself—but, oh, how naïve and simplistic that is! How prideful, to even pretend to think that I can get by without praying for myself. Because I need so much prayer, and especially in this wonderfully huge but terrifyingly small work of motherhood. Oh, Lord have mercy upon us!
Sisters who are mothers, please kneel with me at the feet of our Father while we bring Him our motherhood… and sisters who know mothers, please kneel alongside us and pray for us as well. We need Jesus and His grace, and we want to walk together in this journey of seeking the Kingdom to come on earth and specifically in its manifestations in the work of motherhood. Pray with me now, inserting your own personal tweaks, requests, and names as we go:

 

Lord of all creation, Father of all mercies, King of our hearts and homes,
Please hear us as we bring our petitions before You, and as we seek Your face today in our calling of motherhood—in all of its joys, challenges, enormity, smallness, victories, defeats, the miraculous and the mundane. You who once were knit inside Your mother, O Lord Jesus, (Luke 1:31, 35) You know what it is to dwell in a womb, to nurse on a breast, to cry in the night, to need food and clothing and snuggles and teaching—to need a mother. Hear us, Jesus, and grant that our requests would be heard and holy in the ears of Your Father, our Father.

We praise You and we bless Your name, for we know that You sit high in the heavens and that all things are under Your feet, including the daily and repetitive things. Oh Lord, You are the One that designed the daily rising and setting of the sun. You ordained repetition and routine, so please help us to embrace it and glory in it, resting in Your sovereignty even when the daily threatens to weigh us down. You look down upon those in the dust and those who are needy—even us, Father—and You lift us up, build us up, equip us, strengthen us, give us joy and promise and victory. You are our hope! We trust You, we praise You, we hope in You for every act of motherhood. Thank You for being our God, thank You for being God to our children not because we are faithful but because You are faithful, right from the womb. (Psalm 71:5-6) Thank You for the gift of children—thank You for filling wombs, filling arms, and for the various ways You do these things. It is hard to be thankful for things like infertility, miscarriage, and long roads of complicated pregnancy or adoption. But Father, in whatever ways You have accomplished our motherhood, thank You. Thank You for knitting children in wombs, for creating DNA strands and dividing cells. Thank You for secret work, for wonderful work, for intricate work. Thank You for planning each day of my life—and each day of my children’s lives. Thank You for the knowledge that I do not have power over their lives. (Psalm 139:13-16) Thank You for taking a woman and making her a mother. Thank You for making me a mother. Help me to praise You rightly for this gift, this responsibility, this joy, this mercy every single day. (Psalm 113)

Please give wisdom and kindness to my mouth, so that I will not speak harshly to my children but wisely and kindly. It is so easy to be snappy or snarky—please give words of mercy and grace in their place. (Proverbs 31:26) Please grant me a compassionate nature to remember that, like me, my children are but dust. Make me a mother who remembers the frame of my children, so that I build them up rather than tear them down. (Psalm 103:13-14) Please make me a woman that could justly be praised and blessed by those whom I serve as well as lead. (Proverbs 31:28)

Lord God, please teach me to love my children as I ought. (Titus 2:4) Be with my hands, my feet, my mouth, my ears, my eyes, my womb, my breasts—to use every part of me to love my children as You want me to, genuinely and truly. (1 John 3:18) Show me how to walk in love, so that I would lay down my life for my children not just sometimes but all the time. (Ephesians 5:1-2) Give me diligence to discipline when and how You require and desire. Allow me not to be swayed on my conviction against sin, but give me the eyes to see sin for what it is, where it is, and how it needs to be addressed. Give me the strength to love my children with discipline so that they would increase in wisdom. Please give me rest and delight rather than shame. (Proverbs 29:15, 17) Please teach me true forgiveness, so that I would forgive as I have been forgiven. (Psalm 32:1-2)

Please give me the industrious nature that I need to accomplish the work You have put into my hands. Gird me up, so that I can press on in faith, love, and holiness in self-control. (1 Timothy 2:15) When I labor to love my children, to feed them and clothe them, to educate their minds and nourish their souls, to make them happy and cover them with peace—allow me to do this in accordance with Your will, O God. (1 John 5:2-4) Cause me to obey Your commandments, to grow in my own faith so that I will always speak of Your glory and teach Your laws in ways that are true and winsome and inescapable. (Deuteronomy 6:7)

Please enable me to seek the good of my children, in their humanity and in their eternal souls. Convict me to pray for them regularly and specifically, night and day. (2 Timothy 1:3) Please remind me daily that their spiritual growth is more important than anything else, and give me the grace to preach the Gospel to my children through my actions as well as my words. Cause me to proclaim Your deeds and Your faithfulness, which You have taught me and proven to me repeatedly and continually. God who has never left nor forsaken me, allow me to rightly show forth these things to the next generation of those who love You! Give me the words and the wisdom to proclaim Your power and might. (Psalm 71:17-18) Please give us joyful praise together, to praise Your holy name! May each member of our family praise You, knowing that You are high above all things and You alone are to be exalted! Please give me the strength to teach this praise by genuine, diligent example. (Psalm 148:12-13) Be pleased, O Lord, to grant Your grace to continue on to another generation, and allow my faith and the faith of my mother and mother-in-law also to bolster the faith of my children. (2 Timothy 1:5)

Please, in Your merciful kindness, remind me that these beloved children belong to You, and help me to praise You for Your kind gift of life & appreciate the blessing of being entrusted with these little saints. Allow me to rejoice and be glad! (Proverbs 23:25) Please give me the bold strength to be tenderhearted, to imitate You in how I gather, carry, and gently lead my young ones. (Isaiah 40:11) Thank You for hearing our prayers, for remembering our frame, for loving our children, for drawing us to You by Your covenant love and faithfulness. We thank You, Lord, for Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness to our children. (Psalm 107:8, 15, 21, 31) We praise You for Jesus, our Prophet, Priest, and King, in whose glorious and saving name we pray these things at Your throne. Amen.

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fortification for the every day

When my husband got home, the kids were watching a video and I was sitting at my desk, with eyes trying to focus on some reading while my head rested in the palm of a hand and a weighted heating pad balanced on the aching muscles of my neck and shoulders. Lunch bag and stack of mail were set on the kitchen island as usual, and my hardworking handsome man came over to give me a hug & long-awaited kiss. Those big hugs and warm kisses at the start of the evening are marvelous, aren’t they?

But then came the inevitable question.
“How was your afternoon?” he asked. “What did you do?”

On this particular day, I bit my lip for a moment before just closing my eyes and chuckling. He seemed to wonder what was so suddenly comical in such a simple question.

I lifted my right index finger to indicate wait just a second, and I grabbed for a little book that I had just finished reading that afternoon. I paged through a couple chapters trying to figure out where the pertinent paragraph was.

Aha! I found it. And I read it to my husband:

If there’s one thing that can defeat a mother, it’s the monotony. Get up, feed the baby, wash the laundry, change the diapers, do the dishes, make the car pool run, wrestle the math homework, figure out a new way to make chicken, change the sheets—times 365 days in a row. It’s hard to see the significance when you’re so weighed down by the mundane. And it can feel like everyone else around you is busy doing big, important things while you have worn the same spit-up-stained sweatpants three days in a row. You dread the “So what did you do today?” question as you rack your brain to come up with more than, “Cleaned up after the kids.”
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p113~

 

At that, my husband laughed. Then he kissed my forehead, made a comment about how he was glad that I “had an afternoon” and went about his business for the rest of the evening.

The normal chaos of family life ensued with playtime, dinnertime, cleanup, bedtime routines, and calming the chaos into rest while an almost full moon poured lunar glory through the windows and the screams of nearby coyotes filtered in around the panes. I played piano while the children rested in bed, and while my husband reclined for some Scripture reading. Then it was showers and time to recline myself in bed beside my husband. The best way to end the day. Any day. Every day.

As I ooched myself comfortably onto pillows and under duvet, my husband seemed to pause thoughtfully, and then turned to grab my attention with some subdued cue. “Thank you,” he said, “for doing all the mundane and monotonous things.” I felt my eyes begin to burn, and this time it wasn’t an eyelash poking around in places it ought not. “Thank you for making a delicious dinner. Thank you for taking care of the kids. Thank you for doing all the laundry. I love you.”

And oh ~ I felt my heart go all melty mooshy & my toes start to twitch nervously as I bashfully muttered, “you’re welcome,” and “I love you too.”

There is no part of our everyday, wash-and-repeat routine of kids and laundry and life and fights and worries and playdates and aching budgets and preschool orientations and work and marriage and love and new life and bedtime marathons that Jesus doesn’t look deep into and say, “That is Mine.” In Him all things hold together.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p116~

 

Then I gave him a kiss… soft kisses are such a gift… and I turned onto my side so that I could scootch my thighs and my knees and my back and my toes into all the most comfortable places, that rest right in the warm nooks of my husband. This man who notices the wash-and-repeat routine that I perform every day even when I don’t realize it, and who helps me to remember that all these things are glorious because all these things are for The King and His Kingdom.

 

And I slept all night in his arms, content and cozy, so I could face the next day with strengthened arms and fortified soul.

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budding chef

I love this little man-in-the-making for SO many (countless) reasons.
Including his budding chefness.

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The mushroom? Ah!
It is the proof of creation ex nihilo,
the paradigm of the marvelously solid unnecessariness of the world.
How anything so nearly nothing could at the same time
be so emphatically something—
how the Spirit brooding upon the face of the waters could have brought forth this…
well, words fail, and mystery reigns.
~Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: a Culinary Reflection, p82~

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one little reflection

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We see ourselves in our children
better than in any mirror.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p187~

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I believe God loves us too much
to leave us flailing in our self-centered universes,
so He delivers these tiny reflections of ourselves
into our homes with earthquake effectiveness.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p187~

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Prayer of Psalmody ~ in expectancy

 

…I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
    my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
    my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised…
Psalm 18:1-3 (ESV)

Oh sisters, are you holding new life in your womb?! Is it the rainbow after your storm? Is it the balm in the midst of your brokenness? Is it the hope of heartbeats in the space of stillness? What a time of hope mingled with anxiety! What a chance, not just daily or hourly but moment-by-moment, to lay burdens and fears and worries and doubts and terrors at the feet of Jesus—not to mention bringing Him all of our hopes and desires! I have carried miraculous life in my womb a dozen times—only the first time held naïve, unabashed hope for me. The next eleven have been terrifying, and it is only the grace of God that has carried me through each one, no matter how many weeks I held each baby in my womb. Three of my rainbow babies have made it full term, whole and healthy! What miracles! What joys! What months of prayers! There are so many times during pregnancy—especially particularly anxiety-filled times like sitting in doctors’ waiting rooms or staring at the phone just wondering when it will ring so I can find out blood test results—where I feel speechless, even in my prayers. The prayers found in Scripture, where I can speak or sing God’s words back to Him, asking for His mercies, repeating His glories, claiming truths that I know yet need to know deeper—those are the prayers that I cling to, often and particularly. So today, as I fall on my knees and bow my head before our heavenly Father, would you come with me? Would you join me in praying Psalms and other Scriptures for the lives of babies who are snuggling into warm wombs of mothers whose hearts have been broken, who are clinging to the hopes of expecting a baby… while fighting anxiety and doubt… while seeking God’s will and asking for His best… but honestly knowing that we do not know the outcome or what “God’s best” may be this time.
Please pray with me, personalizing this prayer as the Lord leads—and if you are one of my sisters in Christ who has suffered the particular grief of bereavement, now facing the particularly bittersweet joy of subsequent pregnancy, these prayers are for you and for your baby.

O God our Father who lives and reigns in heaven, You are holy and glorious, faithful and merciful. Please listen as we Your servants come before You to plead for Your mercy. Please shine the brightness of Yourself in our dark and desolate places! Incline Your ear to hear us! Open Your eyes toward us! Because of Your great mercy, not due to any righteousness in ourselves, we come to Your feet and seek Your attention, Your actions, Your interventions. We are Yours, God, called by the name of Your Son Jesus Christ, and we ask You not to delay but to act swiftly for the sake of Your own glory! (Daniel 9:17-19)

Our hearts rejoice in You, and You exalt us, O Lord. We rejoice in Your salvation so that we can even scoff at our doubts and anxieties. (1 Samuel 2:1) Having buried children in our past, we come to You humbled that You would give us renewed hope and the balm of another child nestling into wombs that have felt so broken and so empty. We magnify You and rejoice in You greatly, because You have indeed looked with mercy upon our place of humble grief—indeed, we are blessed, and want to proclaim to all generations how holy and faithful You are! Your mercy is great, from generation to generation who fear You: You are holy! (Luke 1:46-50) Thank You for looking upon our downtrodden faces and hearing our desperate cries, for creating life in our wombs. Thank You for fearfully and wonderfully knitting together children within us—for showing us with these tangible realities how truly wonderful and marvelous Your works are. Oh Father, how terrifying it is to feel so close to this baby yet so out of control and far away! Thank You for reassuring us that You have numbered the days of our children, have written them down, that You can see inside the dark secret chambers of our bodies that are unknown even to us. Thank You for intricately weaving the tapestry of each child—thank You for building bones, sewing sinews, commanding heartbeats, tenderly stitching flesh, carefully creating each little detail of our children’s frames, breathing souls into them. (Psalm 139:13-16) Please continue this great craft that You are fashioning—please grant continued life, growth, and faith. We cry to You, O Lord: please have mercy upon us. Please keep death and sorrow far from us. Our souls are cast down with fear and anxiety, full of turmoil. Give us hope in You: cause us to praise You, for You are our Salvation, our God! (Psalm 42:11) Be our Helper, send Your sweet mercies—we will praise You, we will tell of Your faithfulness. With the new life You knit inside us, You have turned mourning into dancing—You take our garments of sorrow and give us the clothing of gladness! God of all creation, may we glorify You in this wondrous work of new life, may we sing Your praises and never be silent, may we give thanks to You forever. (Psalm 30:8-12)

As we continue going forward each day, giving our anxieties to You and declaring our hopes to You, cause us to tell everyone of Your blessings toward us as You deliver us from the deepest anguish of grief—keep us from restraining our lips. Enable us to proclaim Your faithfulness, Your salvation, Your love, Your deliverance! Give us the hope and confidence in You that we need to tell everyone about Your great works, and give us the humility to ask others to join us in prayer. Grant that we all would rejoice and be glad in You, love Your salvation, and proclaim Your greatness. Thank You for taking thought of us in our humble place—thank You for being our Help and Deliverer! Do not delay in granting us Your peace, health, hope, and joy. (Psalm 40:9-10, 16-17) God in heaven, we are bold to ask: grant life! Grant living babies to us so that we can praise You yet again, and in new ways.

We rejoice in You, our Father, and take joy in You—You have saved our souls, and that is just one more reason for praising You amidst our current uncertainties and joys—You have power over life and death and resurrection. You are our strength, and we ask You to make our feet like the feet of deer, allow us to dance on the high mountains! (Habakkuk 3:18-19) Christ, You dwell in our hearts through faith: root us, ground us, give us comprehension—so that even when we are fearful for our future, worried for the life of our child, we would know the immensity of Your love and be filled with God’s fullness. You, indeed, are the One that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think! To You alone, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, be all glories for all generations—including the glory of the generation in our wombs. (Ephesians 3:17-21) Your steadfast love is better than life, and we praise You with our mouths, even through this time of prayer: we will continue to bless You as long as we live, lifting our hands in Your name. (Psalm 63:3-4) For Yours is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory forever and ever. Amen.

© Melissa Joy, 2014

Written originally for Mommies With Hope, Melissa Joy seeks to grow in grace and wisdom alongside her husband Steven, while pursuing joyful domesticity by nurturing her home and family. The blessing of motherhood and the blessing of growth in Christ have intersected in a beautiful and challenging way for her, as she embraces being Mommy to twelve beloved children: 3 in her arms, 9 in the heavenly choir. The joy she finds in her family, homemaking, music, writing, ministering to those in grief, and seeking to be a pillar of loving strength in her home can be seen unveiled at Joyful Domesticity.