Tag: Faith

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Sunday February 28, 2010

If thou but suffer God to guide thee
 And hope in Him through all thy ways,
 He'll give thee strength, whate'er betide thee,
 And bear thee through the evil days.
 Who trusts in God's unchanging love
 Builds on the Rock that naught can move.
                
 What can these anxious cares avail thee,
 These never-ceasing moans and sighs?
 What can it help if thou bewail thee
 O'er each dark moment as it flies?
 Our cross and trials do but press
 The heavier for our bitterness.
                
 Be patient and await His leisure
 In cheerful hope, with heart content
 To take whate'er thy Father's pleasure
 And His discerning love hath sent,
 Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
 To Him who chose us for His own.
                
 God knows full well when times of gladness
 Shall be the needful thing for thee.
 When He has tried thy soul with sadness
 And from all guile has found thee free,
 He comes to thee all unaware
 And makes thee own His loving care.
                
 Nor think amid the fiery trial
 That God hath cast thee off unheard,
 That he whose hopes meet no denial
 Must surely be of God preferred.
 Time passes and much change doth bring
 And sets a bound to everything.
                
 All are alike before the Highest;
 'Tis easy to our God, we know,
 To raise thee up, though low thou liest,
 To make the rich man poor and low.
 True wonders still by Him are wrought
 Who setteth up and brings to naught.
                
 Sing, pray, and keep His ways unswerving,
 Perform thy duties faithfully,
 And trust His Word, though undeserving,
 Thou yet shalt find it true for thee.
 God never yet forsook in need
 The soul that trusted Him indeed.
 ~Georg Neumark, 1640~
We didn't sing the above song today in church. But my dear friend (who was today's accompanist) played a few
verses of it for the meditation at the beginning of the service.
 I was (need I even say it?) in tears.
 What a beautiful hymn. How true. How bittersweet. How heart-wrenching.
 How I wish I could recite these words with unswerving faith.
 It's hard.
 
 It is hard to believe that God will be with me and give me strength, no matter what circumstances He brings me.
 It is hard to trust that He will bear us through these evil days.
 It is hard to be patient, awaiting His leisure.
 It is hard to have cheerful hope (especially the cheerful part).
 It is hard to even believe sometimes that my inmost wants are actually known to God (what, isn't He listening?).
 It is hard to be confident in the fact that God has not cast me off unheard in this fiery trial (when it so  often feels
like maybe He has).
 It is hard to see others receiving blessing without obvious trial and grief, and not wonder if they are then the
preferred children of God (does my heavenly Father have "favorites"?).
 It is hard to know that it is easy for God to raise up and bring low, for that simply reminds me that my
bringing-low is His will, and it is not out of His grasp to stop.
 It is hard to sing, hard to pray, hard to keep His ways; hard to perform duties faithfully; hard to trust His word.
 It is hard to believe that I, so undeserving, will find His words true for me. Even me. Even my family. Even our
broken hearts. Even our grieving souls.
 
 But it is so.
 There is no denying.
 Only Satan wants to confuse me and confound me.
 My Father wants to bring beauty from these ashes.
 
 As my husband recently said, we are being released from the immediate hot burns of grief; the Lord is pulling us
out of that particular fire (for now). But here come the hammer and tongs. He is shaping us and molding us. He is
conforming us more into the image of His Son.
 So we are grimacing, bracing for it.
 And we are eagerly awaiting the beauty on the other side of the pain.

It was hard to sing some of the songs in church today with hope and faith, without my voice wobbling and my eyes filling with tears…
from Psalm 34: In every time I’ll always bless the LORD; His praise will ever be within my mouth… O fear the LORD, all you He has redeemed! For those who fear Him never suffer want. Young lions hunger; they may lack their food; But those who seek the LORD shall have no want.
from “Blessed Jesus, At Thy Word”: Open Thou our ears and heart; Help us by Thy Spirit’s pleading; Hear the cry Thy people raises; Hear and bless our prayers and praises… Grant that we Thy Word may trust And obtain true consolation…
from “The Son of God Goes Forth to War”: A noble army, men and boys, The matron and the maid, Around the Savior’s throne rejoice, In robes of light arrayed… O God, to us may grace be giv’n To follow in their train!

Today, as on other Sabbath days, I was allowed to worship in Spirit and in Truth. I went to the Heavenly Jerusalem today, to worship at the feet of Jesus. I brought my joys and my brokenness. And He did not turn me away. He fed me. He gave me His own body in broken bread and spilt wine.
And (just one other icing-on-the-cake reason to love it) I got to fellowship with my children. All six of them. We were together as a complete family, as on no other day of the week. And we praised together.

It is hard sometimes to sing certain words – either I know their truths too deeply, or I feel I perhaps will never deeply enough feel their truths (a bit of each usually).

I love reciting the Creeds. Especially the parts about looking for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.
I look forward to Heaven.
Probably moreso than many other young women.
But as Samuel Rutherford puts it (sorry for the paraphrase), I just have more jewels in Heaven now, and simply more reasons to exult when it is my time to join them.
Elisabeth Elliot said, ” I wonder if one of the reasons God doesn’t give us more clues about what heaven is going to be like is that we would never manage to keep our minds on our work if we knew. It would be like telling little children ahead of time where the Christmas presents are hidden. ” (Be Still My Soul, pg 142). I think it’s true! Because today I feel like Christmas is coming, and I can’t wait to start ripping off the bows and peeling away the layers of paper to see what beautiful secrets are itching to be uncovered.

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Sunday February 28, 2010

My father seems to have a plethora of excellent resources on spiritual and biblical things. I love that about him. So when I recently posted a George Downame quote (the one my lovely friend Erin sent me with the bouquet of flowers), he was reminded of some Downame resources he’s used in the past when preparing sermons & studying Scripture. This last week, he gave me some pages (with some excellent spellings and such, you’ll notice!) from “A Godly And Learned Treatise of Prayer,” and I wanted to share some highlights here with you all. Prayer is something we all should pray to grow in, with wisdom and diligence.

excerpts from “A Godly And Learned Treatise of Prayer”
by George Downame, 1640. [sic]

 

This praying with earnest desire is commended to us in the word of God by divers significant phrases…

For, as Augustine saith, For the most part this businesse is effected better with grones then words, with weeping rather then speaking.

In matters temporall or spirituall which are necessary to salvation… as we are to ask them conditionally, so far forth as they may stand with Gods glory and the good of our selves and our brethren, so are we to believe that he will so far forth grant them, and therefore that he will either grant our desire or that which is better. For which cause in such requests we are most willingly with our Saviour Christ to submit our will and desires to the will and pleasure of God…

After our prayer is ended we must quietly rest in the good will and pleasure of God; not doubting but the Lord as he hath heard our prayers, so in his good time will grant the same as shall be most for his glory and our good. And this is the meaning of the word Amen, wherewith our Saviour hath taught us (as it were) to seal up our prayers: for thereby as we signifie the consent of our desire, so also the assent of faith.

Secondly, as we crave good things at the hands of God, so we our selves must endeavour to attain unto them by all good means possible. For otherwise our prayer is a tempting of God, as if we would have our desire granted as it were by miracle, and a fruit of no faith or unfeigned desire of the thing asked. For if we did truly believe and unfeignedly desire the thing which we ask, we would leave no good means unattempted for the obtaining thereof. As for example, when I pray for faith or any other spirituall grace, I must besides my prayer use all the good means carefully which the Lord hath ordained for the begetting and increasing of those graces in us, as the hearing of the word preached, receiving the Sacrament, reading and meditating in the word, &c.

Thirdly, if having prayed and used other means we do not obtain our desires, let us before we go any further labour to find out the cause.

Fourthly, having used the means and endeavoured to remove the impediments, we are to persist and persevere in prayer without fainting. To which purpose our Saviour propounded the parable of the widow and the judge, Luke 18.1. giving us to understand that those things which we do not obtain at the first, by reason of our perseverance and importunitie shall be granted.

Fifthly, as we are to persist with a kind of importunitie in our prayers, so are we with patience to expect the Lords leisure…

Sixthly, if having persisted in prayer and long expected the Lords leisure we yet have not obtained our suit, insomuch that the Lord may seem rather wholly to deny it then for a time to delay it, we are to rest in the good will and pleasure of God, being perswaded that he hath heard our prayers in a better manner then we desired, hearing us though not ad voluntatem yet ad utilitatem, that is, for our profit though not according to our will; after the manner of wise and carefull parents, who will not give to their children what they ask but what is profitable; and of good Physicians, who will not grant their patients what they desire but what is expedient.

As for example; A man being trouble with some infirmitie, which is as a prick in his flesh moving him to sinne, prayeth unto God to be delivered from it: but howsoever his prayer in desiring to be freed from evil is acceptable unto God, yet it may be he will not grant it, the denial being more for his glory and our profit: for his glory, because his power is manifested in our weaknesse; to make us work out our salvation with fear and trembling, to make us more circumspect of our wayes, knowing that we carry such an enemy about us, as if we stand not upon our guard will be ready to foil us.

But if contrariwise the Lord hath heard our prayers and granted our requests, then are we, First, to be thankfull unto God for his goodnesse… Secondly, our love of God must be increased and our faith confirmed with greater confidence to make our prayers unto him for the time to come…

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Thursday February 11, 2010

Thou hidden source of calm repose,
Thou all sufficient love divine,
My help and refuge from my foes,
And joy and everlasting love;
To me with Thy dear Name are given
Pardon and holiness and Heaven.

Jesus, my all in all Thou art,
My rest in toil, my ease in pain,
The healing of my broken heart,
In war my peace, in loss my gain,
My smile beneath the tyrant’s frown,
In shame my glory and my crown.

In want my plentiful supply,
In weakness my almighty power,
In bonds my perfect liberty,
My light in Satan’s darkest hour,
In grief my joy unspeakable,
My life in death, my Heaven in hell.

~Charles Wesley, 1749

My thoughts:

  • He is a hidden source. Hidden. Unseen yet still there.
  • To me, my very own self; He is calmness, all-sufficiency, help, and refuge.
  • I am secure in Him. Today and for eternity. He will not -He can not– lose me, nor I Him.
  • When He bestowed upon me the name of Christian, He also bestowed upon me His gifts of pardon, holiness, and an eternity in Heaven.
  • Jesus is everything I need: rest, ease, healing, peace, gains, joys, glory, crown, full supply, power, liberty, light, life, and Heaven. He is everything, indeed.
  • He will heal my broken heart — I don’t need anything but Him for my band-aid.
  • I need no other glory and crown but Him to cover and reverse my shame.
  • In my grief, He is yet my joy — when no other joys present themselves (and even when they do), He is the ultimate joy that will not get rid of the grief but will make the grief survivable.
  • He is my life in death — in my own death, and in the deaths of my children. He is their life. And He keeps my life.
  • Through the hellishness of earth, He is Heaven to me. He will bring me there. To meet with Him there. And until then, He gives me the hope of Heaven to survive the here & now.
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Monday February 8, 2010

Excerpts from Toby Sumpter’s excellent post on Haiti’s tragic earthquakes — and, consequently, all things under the sun:

God is the Creator and sustainer of all things. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth” (Gen. 1:1). “In these last days [God has] spoken to us by His Son whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also he made the worlds… and upholding all things by the word of His power…” (Heb. 1:2-3) “I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the Lord do all these things” (Is. 45:7). This includes earthquakes. While this is perhaps the hardest part of the answer, it ultimately rests in the conviction that God is love and that this love is supremely evidenced in the horror of the cross of Jesus Christ. Christians refuse to get their definitions of love, justice, and mercy from the newspapers, Hollywood, or sappy vampire romance novels. We insist that these and all other virtues must be grounded in the person of Jesus crucified. So we do not begin with an abstract notion of “God is love” or even that “God is good.”

God hates evil and suffering, but God is not bound by them. God is free.
He is free to overcome evil and suffering through bending it to His good purposes.

God hates evil and suffering in itself, because it is the remnants of the old sin cursed world that still haunts all of us. But God is free to use this ugliness as He pleases, and He does.

God does save lives and others He takes. “Now see that I, even I, am He, and there is no God besides Me; I kill and I make alive: I wound and I heal; Nor is there any who can deliver from my hand” (Dt. 32:39). He is the God of the living and the dead: the life of every living thing is in His absolute control (Job 12:10). He takes the lives of those who are wicked and in high handed rebellion, and He brings His own people home to rest in His presence until the resurrection.
In this, He is absolutely just and merciful.

Job 1:21 “…The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
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Monday February 8, 2010

    Our pastoral intern, Ben Alexander, preaches excellently. I am always both encouraged and challenged by the words of Truth which Christ speaks through him.
    This morning he preached on 1 Corinthians 13 — you know, the famous “love” section. He highlighted verse 7:

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.“

    It made me think about the members of Christ’s body that have truly reached out to us with such Christlike love lately. It isn’t just anyone who has loved us with this true type of love. The type that bears with us, believes with us, hopes with us, and endures with us. There are a number of people who have tangibly loved us this way. And my eyes filled with encouraged tears as soon as he began reading his sermon text this morning.
    A dear friend sent me an email not long ago saying that they find my husband & me to be exemplifying the love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. The email meant a great deal to me, and blessed me. To know that we are ministering to others, proclaiming the Gospel through our life, and showcasing Christ’s love even in our grief and pain — that knowledge blessed me. And so I was reminded of that this morning.
    But in all honesty, I do not feel deserving of such encouragement. I do not feel like I bear all things or endure things — not well, at any rate. I feel like believing and hoping are grasping at straws for me some days.
    But may the Lord enable me to continually grow and become established in Him, conforming more and more to His image, so that I may (ere I die) be mature in this.
    Upon hearing the sermon text for today, the number one person that popped into my head was my Steven. He is patient and kind; never envious or boastful, arrogant or rude; he does not insist on his own way (even though he knows I would necessarily submit to him if he did); he is not easily irritated or harbor resentment; he rejoices in Truth; and truly, truly he bears all things (good, bad, ugly…) with me & for me, he believes all things (by the power of God in him) with me & for me, he hopes all things (for his hope is grounded deeply in the Lord), and he endures all things (I don’t even need to begin a list here). This man loves with a never-ending, never-failing love.
My Steven epitomizes this section of Scripture.
Praise the Lord. And amen!
    The next set of people that popped into my head are my parents. Never have such parents existed before, I think. (I know, I know — I’m partial, right?) They bear, believe, hope, and endure so much with us. Tangibly.
Praise the Lord. And hallelujah!
    And then there are others. Some who read this very blog! 🙂
Thank you for loving us with Christlike love.

    I know that Galatians 6:2 (“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”) is referring specifically to burdens of transgression, but I think the principle is largely (and appropriately) applied to other burdensome situations as well. My dearest friend’s mother leads a Bible study I attend, and she said recently “if you are bearing one another’s burdens, you should feel burdened. Truly burdened.” So for those of you who are specifically loving us in the way of helping to bear our burden of the past year — thank you for being burdened, and may our kind Father in Heaven bless you with a doublefold reward.

This morning, Ben Alexander said

“Maturity is the man of the most love.“

and

“Maturity is a person who knows that God loves them…
Who hates their sin and loves their forgiveness.“

I liked those snippets.
He also said

“Post millenialism is confident faith in God’s victory over the world.“

I love God’s victorious reign!

The five main points of the sermon application are as follows:
1) Christ’s enduring love is not provincial.
2) Christ’s enduring love is not self-preserving.
3) Christ’s enduring love does not believe a person can’t change.
4) Christ’s enduring love does not give up on people.
5) Christ’s enduring love places maximum value on the other person.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
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Thursday January 21, 2010

Psalm 71:14-21

But I will hope continually
   and will praise You yet more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteous acts,
   of Your deeds of salvation all the day,
   for their number is past my knowledge.
With the mighty deeds of the Lord GOD I will come;
   I will remind them of Your righteousness, Yours alone.
O God, from my youth You have taught me,
   and I still proclaim Your wondrous deeds.
So even to old age and gray hairs,
   O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim Your might to another generation,
   Your power to all those to come.
Your righteousness, O God,
   reaches the high heavens.
You who have done great things,
   O God, who is like You?
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities
   will revive me again;
from the depths of the earth
   You will bring me up again.
You will increase my greatness
   and comfort me again.

May God grant me the grace to pray this psalm with a believing heart.

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Sunday January 17, 2010

Psalm 31:7

“I will rejoice and be glad in Your steadfast love,

because You have seen my affliction;

You have known the distress of my soul…”

 

>

This morning we heard another sermon about “joy during trial.” I can’t remember how many times in the last year we have heard sermons (or been sent links to sermons) on this very subject. Of course everyone thinks immediately of us, and how badly we must need to hear these sermons. I’ve been sent cards from loving people at our church following these sermons, where people express their gladness that we were able to hear a sermon about joy during adversity, and they hope it blessed & encouraged us.

That’s all very well and good.
Except that I am continually left baffled by these sermons and a few distinct lackings.

For one thing, no one ever defines their terms.
They throw around words like “joy,” “happy,” and “rejoice”—but they never define them. What do they really mean? Not just in our modern American understanding of the words—but what about in the biblical context? What do those words mean?
And for another thing, they never describe what joy or rejoicing looks like amidst trial. I am convinced that it looks different than joy in times of obvious reprieve. But nobody ever touches that nuance. Why not?

 

The sermon text today was
Hebrews 12:1-2 “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
The point was something to the effect of that we too have a joy set before us, like Christ did, so we should endure whatever crosses our sovereign God brings to us in light of future joys.
He also cited
1 Peter 4:13 “But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.”
I believe that verse again emphasizes a future joy. We will rejoice and be glad when Christ’s glory is revealed, so therefore we may be thankful for that during our sharing of Christ’s suffering.

I have no grievance with the principle that we should endure trial and affliction in light of future joys, and acknowledging that we will rejoice when Christ’s glory is revealed.
But I do have a qualm or two with how it played out.

For instance, when Jesus “endured the cross” and “despised the shame” while He was nailed there, naked and covered in the sins of the world and left by His Father to descend into Hades—was He smiling? Was He singing psalms of praise and adoration? Was He merry and laughing? No, on all accounts. If you remember, Jesus was naked and ashamed, bleeding, gasping for breath, crying, exclaiming out loud a psalm of desperation “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” before He cried His last.
This psalm that Jesus cried out, Psalm 22, is a psalm of David when he felt utterly forsaken.
Psalm 22:1-2,
“My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
   Why are You so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer,
   and by night, but I find no rest.”
On and on the psalmist goes throughout the psalm, his pain and anguish and desperation for rescue all very evident.
Are David and Jesus obeying the command to “rejoice always”? The Lord instructs us, through the words of Paul, to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

So… back to my point. (What was my point?) 🙂

Joyfulness looks different in times of deep trial and utter anguish than in times of respite and peace.
But nobody ever points that out in sermons.
I sincerely wish they would.

And what about defining the terms? Well… in our modern culture, joy and happiness are quite often used synonymously. In fact, the dictionary definitions I looked up even showed “joy” and “happy” as synonyms:
Joy—the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation; a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated; true happiness…
Happy—delighted, pleased, or glad; characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy; favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky…

If looked at biblically and historically, however, I am fairly certain that we would find a better distinction between the terms. If I had access to my husband’s biblical study tools (or if he had time to look it up for me, maybe… hint, hint…), I could personally look up the original words in Hebrew and Greek to find their true meanings. I did find some links that did it for me! (see below)
While happiness is largely circumstantial, joy stems from our relationship with Christ. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Happiness is not.
If you’re interested in reading a site I found particularly helpful, you are welcome to click here. One portion from that page that I was particularly interested in said,

Biblical joy is inseparable from our relationship with God and springs from our knowledge and understanding of the purpose of life and the hope of living with God for eternity when there will be joy evermore. If God is actually present in our lives, the joy He experiences can begin in us (Psalm 16:11). Joy is the sign that life has found its purpose, its reason for being! This, too, is a revelation of God, for no one can come to Him and find the purpose of life unless He, by His Spirit, calls him and reveals it (John 6:44; I Corinthians 2:10).

And an online Bible encyclopedia said of joy,

[J]oy as a religious emotion is very frequently referred to in the Old Testament. Religion is conceived of as touching the deepest springs of emotion, including the feeling of exultant gladness which often finds outward expression in such actions as leaping, shouting, and singing. Joy is repeatedly shown to be the natural outcome of fellowship with God.

Paul speaks of joy as one of the fruits of the spirit (Gal 5:22) and of “joy in the Holy Spirit” as an essential mark of the kingdom of God (Rom 14:17). This joy is associated with faith (Phil 1:25), hope (Rom 5:2; 12:12), brotherly fellowship and sympathy (Rom 12:15; 2 Cor 7:13; Phil 2:1 f). To rejoice in the Lord is enjoined as a Christian duty (Phil 3:1; 4:4; compare 2:17 f; 1 Thess 5:16). In Christ, the Christian “rejoices with joy unspeakable and full of glory” (1 Pet 1:8), in spite of his temporary afflictions (1 Pet 1:6). Christian joy is no mere gaiety that knows no gloom, but is the result of the triumph of faith over adverse and trying circumstances, which, instead of hindering, actually enhance it (Acts 5:41; Rom 5:3 f; Jas 1:2,12; 5:11; 1 Pet 4:13; compare Mt 5:11,12).

This is very clearly no mere happiness.
This is different.
It stems from something different, it feels different, it looks different.

How come this isn’t preached as a distinction?
Joy in trial often isn’t defined or described. It’s just preached.
It leaves the congregation wondering.
Preachers often make it sound like they’re talking about being happy. Smiling. Laughing. Acting like there is no pain.
It makes people in trial or anguish, those under affliction, feel like we should be skipping around with smiles and giggles, pretending that our hearts are not broken.
Is that biblical truth?
Absolutely not.


In my experience, I know the difference.
I am frequently not happy.
I doubt anyone could honestly (or biblically) hold that against me when I have had five of my six precious children die. I have sent five little redheads into the heavenly kingdom before my 26th birthday, and in only 2 ½ years of marriage. It is devastating. And it gets more tragic with each baby we bid farewell. Grief upon grief.
So yes, I am often unhappy in trial.

But I can say with candor and truth that I am simultaneously joyful in trial.
Because the joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
Because I have been baptized into Christ, I have put on Christ, and I am an heir according to the promise (Galatians 3:27-29).
And because I do not grieve as one who has no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13), but look forward to reuniting with my entire family someday when I too enter the Lord’s rest.

How is joy during trial evidenced in my own life??
We maintain fellowship with our Lord and Savior.
We maintain fellowship with our brothers and sisters (although, yes, the fellowship may look different than usual).
Our marriage grows stronger.
Our love for Gabriel and passion for discipling him according to Scripture grows deeper.
We learn new ways to minister to other suffering people.
We better understand Job, David, Paul, and other biblical writers who endured great suffering.
etc…

 

Romans 5:3-5
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

I think Romans 5 tells us what “joy in trial” should look like.
It doesn’t involve skipping. And it doesn’t necessarily involve lollipops, smiles, or giddy games.
It does involve endurance, character, hope, and growth in love.

So those are my thoughts.
A few of them anyway.
Enough for tonight.

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Tuesday January 5, 2010

Psalm 123:2
Behold, as the eyes of servants
 look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a maidservant
to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till He has mercy upon us.

Please beseech the Lord with us for His grace and mercy, and look to Him with us in our time of need.
We found out that our dear little Baby Six has joined our babies in heaven.

Psalm 119:28
My soul melts away for sorrow;
strengthen me according to Your word!

Please pray for the Lord to strengthen us, even in the midst of overwhelming sorrow.

Please rejoice with us in this bittersweet time that God’s covenantal promises are for us and for our children, and that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. We will meet our children in the heavenly gates someday! How my heart longs for that moment. I am so eager to worship alongside these five little redheads who my arms so ache to hold.

Please, also, pray that my body would realize that the baby has died, so that I do not continue with pregnancy symptoms and growth, and would not need medical intervention. If there is one thing that compounds the grief of a bereaved mother, it is when such things become medicalized & sterile.

Once the baby has been delivered (we are praying the Lord mercifully allows this sooner than later), I will update with the baby’s name and birthdate and Bible verses.

Thank you, and peace be with you.

Daniel 9:18
O my God, incline Your ear and hear.
Open your eyes and see our desolations…
For we do not present our pleas before You because of our righteousness,
but because of Your great mercy.
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Tuesday December 29, 2009

I love celebrating Advent. We don’t do much with it. Not yet. Someday when Gabriel is older (and has siblings on earth, we pray!), we will incorporate more tangible things into our Advent celebration and anticipation. Crafts and outings and activities and books. This year, Gabriel latched onto the chocolate routine with vigor. Next year I will add something. Thankfully I have eleven months to come up with it. 🙂
And something else for someday – celebrating the twelve days of Christmas, leading up to Epiphany. My husband smiles and shrugs (for now!) when I suggest it, but I think he’ll come around someday. I am eager to incorporate more and more of the traditional Church calendar into our lives in the future, especially with kids. Why should we live according to a secular calendar so minutely, and yet throw out the Church calendar?! It makes absolutely no sense. Unless you’re a pagan.
So anyway.

Dear Pastor Toby Sumpter has inspired me this morning with some readings.
You must read them too.
You simply must. 🙂
I got chills when reading one and tears when reading the other.
Read what he says about proclaiming Christmas to the old, the decrepit, the dying.
And then read what he says about living, resting, and truly doing Christmas with his own family.

Happy fifth day of Christmas!!

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Thursday December 24, 2009

Happy Christmas Eve, my friends!!
As we’d say when I was little, “only one more sleep until Christmas!”
I hope your preparations are joyful and your festivities are blessed.
The Lord be with you, and may He give you great joy!

From Heaven above to earth I come,
To bear good news to every home;
Glad tidings of great joy I bring,
Whereof I now will say and sing.

To you, this night, is born a Child
Of Mary, chosen mother mild;
This tender Child of lowly birth,
Shall be the joy of all your earth.

’Tis Christ our God, who far on high
Had heard your sad and bitter cry;
Himself will your Salvation be,
Himself from sin will make you free.

He brings those blessings long ago
Prepared by God for all below;
That in His heavenly kingdom blest
You may with us forever rest.

These are the tokens ye shall mark,
The swaddling clothes and manger dark;
There shall ye find the young Child laid,
By Whom the heavens and earth were made.

Now let us all, with gladsome cheer,
Follow the shepherds, and draw near
To see this wondrous Gift of God,
Who hath His own dear Son bestowed.

Give heed, my heart, lift up thine eyes!
What is it in yon manger lies?
Who is this Child, so young and fair?
The blessèd Christ Child lieth there!

Welcome to earth, Thou noble Guest,
Through Whom e’en wicked men are blest!
Thou com’st to share our misery,
What can we render, Lord, to Thee!

Ah, Lord, who hast created all,
How hast Thou made Thee weak and small,
To lie upon the coarse dry grass,
The food of humble ox and ass.

Were earth a thousand times as fair,
Beset with gold and jewels rare,
She yet were far too poor to be
A narrow cradle, Lord, for Thee.

For velvets soft and silken stuff
Thou hast but hay and straw so rough,
Whereon Thou King, so rich and great,
As ’twere Thy heaven, art throned in state.

Thus hath it pleased Thee to make plain
The truth to us, poor fools and vain,
That this world’s honor, wealth and might
Are naught and worthless in Thy sight.

Ah, dearest Jesus, holy Child,
Make Thee a bed, soft, undefiled,
Here in my poor heart’s inmost shrine,
That I may evermore be Thine.

My heart for very joy doth leap,
My lips no more can silence keep,
I too must sing, with joyful tongue,
That sweetest ancient cradle song.

Glory to God in highest Heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given,
While angels sing, with pious mirth,
A glad New Year to all the earth.

~Martin Luther

I don’t know if any of you do much blog-hopping – I do.
Especially to blogs of mommies who have lost children – through miscarriage, stillbirth, or later deaths. It simultaneously makes my heart ache and encourages me. I am not alone. I am not weird. My heart is doing what it should do – no matter what anyone may tell me about getting over it, moving on, or being ‘happy’ regardless of circumstances.

So anyway…

Yesterday I went to one of my favorites.
And she had a post about True Joy.
This is coming from a young woman whose only child, a precious & beautiful 11 month old girl, died last February.
She is expecting another baby any day.
And you can try to imagine the mix of emotions they are enduring this Christmas season.
I must admit that I don’t have to imagine very hard – I know all too well that line between grief & hope.

She refers to the One Year Book of Hope I have recommended, too.
And I hope it will bless you to read what she says, and quotes from that book.
I know it blessed me.

Regardless of our state of happiness this Christmas, even WE CAN BE JOYFUL.
So without further ado, here is what Jess wrote (in case you’re afraid to click on links)….

“The truth is, it is possible to be filled with joy and still not be described as “happy.” Sometimes we’re just plain sad, not only down in our hearts, but down to our toes…

…The Bible says, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22, NASB).  As we savor the joy we have in Christ, we feel the healing power of that medicine.  In fact, our joy should be as consistent as God is.  It doesn’t have to be tied to the turbulent conditions of our feelings and moods.  Our joy is grounded in God.  It flows from him and back to him.  Joy is not something we can generate with positive thinking or a bit of humor.  It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in our inner lives.  Joy shines forth from the life of the true believer, no matter how dark the circumstances.  Joy in God deserves our constant, courageous pursuit.” -Nancy Guthrie

How reassuring is it to know that our joy isn’t tied to the sometimes turbulent conditions around us?

It isn’t tied to how sad I am feeling as we prepare to celebrate this first Christmas without Cora. It isn’t tied to how my heart hurts when I see all these happy Christmas cards and realize again that there will be no family pictures with Cora this year. It isn’t tied to how sad I am that Cora won’t be here to welcome her new brother or sister with us. It isn’t even tied to how much love we will feel when we meet Baby Mac any day now. True joy does not necessarily equal happiness.

My joy is grounded in Christ.
And I can experience deep joy, even in the midst of sorrow,
because my hope is in Christ.
That doesn’t mean we won’t have any tears or sadness.
But, I pray that this true joy is what others see shining from my life and family,
even during this first Christmas without Cora.