Gabriel loves to do anything & everything Daddy does — including serenade Mommy in an after-dinner concert! 🙂
Encouragement Today
I was catching up on some Streams In The Desert reading today, with having been out of town this weekend (and having not brought the book along). I want to share these few small snippets with you that have blessed me & brought me to tears today.
Blessed is any weight, however overwhelming, which God has been so good as to fasten with His own hand upon our shoulders.
~F.W. Faber~
The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is necessary to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls.
~Richter~
We look at our burdens and heavy loads, and shrink from them; but as we lift them and bind them about our hearts, they become wings, and on them we rise and soar toward God.
~J.R. Miller~
Nearly all God’s jewels are crystallized tears.
~unknown~
It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God’s hands and leave them there.
~unknown~
Post-Treatment
Thank you so much for the prayers many of you have been uplifting before our Father on our behalf. We are so thankful for that. May God grow our faith and encourage us, even as He is doing, by your support & prayers. God is kind. So thank you all very much!
We had a very smooth trip, and returned back home late Saturday night. I survived the plane flights without too much undue stress (as long as I kept my eyes closed, bounced my knees around, didn’t budge beyond that, and squeezed all the blood out of Steven’s hand!), although the paperback book I was reading (the first book in the 100 Cupboards series) is a bit wrinkly from being sweat-dampened. 😉
My reaction (to the visible eye, as well as what I feel) to the treatment is as it ought to be — so we are thankful for that. A few weeks after I get the second treatment, we will do a blood test to see if my immunological system has reacted as it should. Please, if you think of it, do continue to pray with us that two rounds of this treatment would be effective, make a substantial difference in my immunological system, and prepare my body for carrying/nurturing babies some day in the future.
I’ll leave you with a picture of part of the procedure — the last step; where I was gritting my teeth, hissing through them, and trying hard not to cry or wiggle while I got eight burning injections in my forearms.
Complicated
Today we will get on an airplane to fly over a thousand miles away for a medical treatment. A treatment that I’ve never had before. And I will get again in three more weeks. A treatment that might help solve some of my reproductive immunological problems – but there are zero guarantees.
So today I am trying to cling to hope. This is pretty much our last shot (no pun intended, although it does involve quite a few needles!). And if it doesn’t work… well… let’s just say that I can’t emotionally handle writing out that “what if” just yet. Not here. Not now.
We continue to cry out to our God, to beg for His mercy. For His heavy hand to be lifted from upon us, and for the Great Physician to put gracious, miraculous healing upon my womb.
To You, O LORD, I call;
my Rock, be not deaf to me,
lest, if You be silent to me,
I become like those who go down to the pit.
Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy,
when I cry to You for help,
when I lift up my hands
toward Your most holy sanctuary.
~Psalm 28:1-2~
I don’t write about it as often at the moment — but the stress, agony, pain, and grief continue to rise. While I did not have to suffer PI (Primary Infertility), suffering through SI (Secondary Infertility) is positively devastating. Especially when it involves the death of so many babies. My babies. My sons & my daughters.
We are embarking now on the first step of our newest (and likely, last) medical protocols. It involves strange things. From pills (almost too many to count each day), to iv infusions every 3-4 weeks, to daily (twice daily if I get pregnant) injections in my stomach (thankfully no one sees that part of me but hubby anyway – it will get rather purple and ugly very quickly), to traveling to strange places for strange procedures.
I never imagined it would be this way.
Twenty-six years of dreaming about motherhood — all I ever wanted to be was a mommy, to have little boys and little girls to nurture, love, train, disciple. When I found out that babies aren’t born through a mommy’s belly button, I pretty much thought I had it all figured out. Hah. Little did I know…
For some of us, having babies is so incredibly complicated.
I just want to put this out there, because infertility (PI, SI, loss, & combos thereof) is one of those eggshells subjects that nobody speaks of. It’s actually referred to as ‘coming out of the closet’ when someone admits they suffer from it, because it is that much of a no-no subject. Well, I don’t treat it that way. I can’t. It’s not a secret.
It is my life.
His Strength
“…when we cling to Christ in faith during hard times others notice. It’s easy to express our trust in God’s love when all is going smoothly, but He is doubly glorified when we express it during seasons of pain. We might agree with all this in theory, but when the chips are down, in the midst of perplexing difficulties, we are more often characterized by fear and doubt than by trust and joy. But our moments of doubt and discouragement do not cancel out God’s power; He is much bigger than that. It isn’t human to rejoice in suffering; it is supernatural. God is glorified not by calling strong women but by giving His strength to weak women.”
~Lydia Brownback ( Joy: A Godly Woman’s Adornment)~
Summer Greetings
Happy (late) Independence Day, and Blessed Summer Greetings from our family to yours. 🙂
“Glory Baby” by Watermark
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
But we miss you every day, miss you in every way…
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…
Baby, it’s all you’ll ever know…
I came across this song by Watermark this morning. Glory-Baby is what I sometimes call my Glory Hesed, the third baby I ever held in my womb. So you can imagine that when I read the first two words of this song I started sobbing. Yup, that’s me.
This is a song I can identify 100% with.
One. Hundred. Percent.
Especially the every day, every way part…