Today I am anticipating so many things. Finishing some things on our house. Moving day. Baby Nine’s arrival. Heaven.
Wait a second, did you read that right? Yes, indeed: you did. I said heaven.
I suppose heaven is something that most Christians would say they anticipate, but today I am anticipating it in a particular way. It’s October 15th again. That’s the day for national remembrance of pregnancy/infant loss. Last year, Gabriel and I did some special, tangible things to remember his brothers and sisters, including letting balloons float away up into the sky in their memory. If you remember, though, unfortunately the bunch of balloons was blown into our neighbor’s super tall pine tree in their backyard! Oops! So umm… while some of the balloons have slowly escaped the branches and fallen to the ground, there are still at least two left up there. So yeah… we decided not to do the same thing this year. Maybe next year the boys and I will let balloons go from the vast expanse of our own pasture. Away from trees. 🙂
This year I am being low-key about things. I will light seven candles this evening to reflect a tiny spark of the glorious beauty our seven “heaven babies” are enjoying, and to remind us of the brightness & joy each of them have brought to our family. And besides that, I am simply anticipating. Anticipating with curiosity as well as great joy.
There are many things I anticipate about heaven. No more tears, no more sorrow, no more grief, no more pain (Revelation 21:4). Rejoicing and praising our Father forever alongside our Brother Jesus Christ (Psalm 11:4 and Psalm 103:19). Joining the ranks of all the saints who have gone before ~ including my seven children.
I don’t know a lot about heaven. Details, I mean. But I trust in the covenant promises of my heavenly Father (Hebrews 9:15), and believe that His faithfulness extends even to a thousand generations (Deuteronomy 7:9 and Psalm 105:8) ~ so one thing of which I am confident, is that I will meet my children again (1 Corinthians 13:12 and Philippians 3:20-21). My little host of redheads are not in my home and will not return to me; but someday I will join them in the mansion created by God the King (John 14:2-3) and I will go to them (2 Samuel 12:23).
So while I anticipate some ordinary things like my new house and some extraordinary things like holding a living baby of my own again soon… I am also anticipating some truly inconceivable things like the glories of heaven. Today I reflect on God’s goodness in sustaining us through long-repetitive grief, His mercy in allowing us to have a bigger covenantal family than we ever imagined, His grace in providing us with covenantal promises to claim, and His gift of hope for our reunion with our beautiful children once He calls to our eternal home with them.
So today I am honoring and remembering my adorable children,
Covenant Hope (July 29, 2007)
Glory Hesed (March 30, 2009)
Promise Anastasis (June 20, 2009)
Peace Nikonos (November 5, 2009)
Mercy Kyrie (January 26, 2010)
Victory Athanasius (May 18, 2010)
Hosanna Praise (November 8, 2010)
and while I continue to grieve the emptiness I feel over their absence in our earthly home, I joyfully anticipate being present with them for eternity in our heavenly home.
Anticipate the glories of heaven with me today!!
I was thinking of you yesterday and knowing that the ache never goes away for you yet you can anticipate a beautiful reunion in Heaven with your babies. My heart also goes out to my cousin who lost their beautiful Madison Rose last year. They, too, have been blessed with another baby on the way and this time, things are looking amazingly well and Lord Willing, they’ll be holding their 2nd little girl in their arms in March.
I, too, long for Heaven and anticipate that glorious day but for various different reasons… I imagine what the reunion will be like with my biological father and my heart can’t wait. And my aunt, my beautiful aunt that I miss every single day.
Without God’s love and His daily mercies, where would we be? Praise Him!
my friend reminded me about yesterday and I thought it was special, since Micah’s due date was supposed to be October 20th.
Jason and I took some time to pray together, just thanking God for our 3 babies; even their very short lives and mostly thanking Him for taking us through that trial together and bringing us out the other end more thankful, more aware of His grace and mercy and definitely giving us a deeper longing for Heaven.
Such a special day to remember.
Beautiful post. We lit candles on Saturday, too. It’s a difficult thing, sometimes, to be thankful for our losses. So many people have said to me that they can’t imagine what it’s been like, and that if it were their own path, they’d have rather never have been pregnant at all. And yet, I do not — cannot — wish that, even in passing, because of the hope and joy and confidence we hold in the faith that we will all be someday reunited. I am the mother of 8, even if the world fails to recognize all of them, and I look forward to the day we will all be together again.
God bless you and your growing family 🙂 (And, by the way, I’m definitely going to try that peach tart recipe — yum!)