Thursday November 5, 2009

This morning the Lord showed His miraculous works and marvelous deeds.

The little heartbeat was obvious as soon as the ultrasound started (we were going in for a “final ultrasound” to see if there was any further information that may be helpful for the future). We were positively astounded, and I think I didn’t know whether to pass out or shriek. 🙂 It was beating away at about 105-115 bpm.
And then we found out that the baby had grown, too, just exactly as much as he/she should have! In the last six days, he/she has grown exactly 6 days’ worth. He/she is an entire 6mm long. 🙂


Also, the subchorionic bleed was gone from my uterus: which is probably why I am bleeding right now.
It is looking more and more likely that the bleed actually was a twin, and that is what we are losing right now.
But as far as our doctor could tell, things with Little Arrow look as healthy as they could be at this point. He said if I were an average patient, he would be fairly optimistic. With my history, he said he is not willing to go that far, but simply said to take it super easy (back on  bedrest I go!), and wait & watch — and return in a week.
We won’t have the hormone results until this afternoon or evening, but I don’t even know if I care what they are anymore. 🙂
We still have a long road ahead, and are far from out of the woods. But we are taking each day as God brings it. So while we do not know what tomorrow may bring, please rejoice with us and beseech Him with us for today.

My heart is steadfast O God, my heart is steadfast.
I will sing and make music.
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 57:7-11.

Wednesday November 4, 2009

Psalm 39:12-13
“Hear my prayer, O LORD,
   and give ear to my cry;
   hold not Your peace at my tears!
For I am a sojourner with You,
   a guest, like all my fathers.
Look away from me, that I may smile again,
    before I depart and am no more!”

Psalm 29:11
“May the LORD give strength to His people!
   May the LORD bless His people with peace!”

Please pray for us. We are beginning to have physical signs that our baby is no longer living with us, but dancing with siblings in Paradise and praising his Lord with joy.
Please pray that we who are left behind will find peace from God to surpass our understanding as we endure the terrible hours ahead.
Please pray that we will have the courage to press onward through the death of another one of our children.

Tuesday November 3, 2009

Psalm 103:13-18
As a father shows compassion to his children,
   so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame;
   He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass;
   he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
   and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
   and His righteousness to children’s children,
to those who keep His covenant
   and remember to do His commandments.

Please continue to beseech God’s mercy upon our covenant child in the womb.
We still don’t have much information.
There have been no physical changes in Mommy, and we must wait until Friday for another appointment to look for indications of changes in our Little Arrow.

We have not given up praying for God to perform a miracle!!!
There is fasting and praying today for our baby.
Please beseech the Heavenly Father with us to have grace upon this little saint.

Saturday October 31, 2009

My hand rests on my tummy

Where you rest and grow,

Where your tiny heart beats in beautiful rhythm—

Only muscles and skin between us.


Your tiny frame is not hidden

Although you seem to be formed in secret.

God has knit you while I carry you

And your daddy whispers to you of his love.


We have dreams for you.

Life in the country, siblings,

Church and books and Christmas gifts,

Growing up and learning and being ours forever.


We know not the ways of the Lord,

His thoughts are not like ours.

His plans for you are set in stone.

What He has ordained surely shall be done.


Dreams of heaven.

Streets of gold.

Praises singing.

Joining your older siblings.


My tears are bottled, the psalmist says.

And how big is the bottle?

Oh, when shall I reach the brim?

It has been a dozen bottles—no, fifty.


Is that beautiful heart still keeping its rhythm?

Are you spinning and growing and exploring my womb?

Or have you already flown,

Are already dancing in Paradise?







You aren’t even gone yet

But I miss you already.

Dreams unfulfilled, hopes crushed,

Arms empty, belly barren.


Mommy feels forsaken.

Daddy feels helpless.

Big brother aches for your company.

Our family is incomplete.


You can not imagine how much we love you,

But we hope you have sensed it through these weeks.

And we never will forget how much you impacted us,

God has used you in mighty ways in your short but faithful life.


We pull out the psalter for reminders of the Strong Tower

The One who sustains us and gives us grace.

He will strengthen and bless your family here

Though we weep and we mourn and we falter.

~by your ever-loving mommy, Melissa Joy~

Friday October 30, 2009

An up and down day.

We saw our baby’s beautiful heartbeat.

But we are told that flutter will soon be gone.

The hormones aren’t going up.

We are at a loss.

We are broken.

Such a long, hard week.

Then little bites of hope.

And now — nothing.



Don’t give up praying.

We can still pray for a miracle.

But ultimately, we need to pray that we would peacefully say:

While the tears stream down my face and my eyes puff up and my chest heaves…

Thursday October 29, 2009

As a reminder, PLEASE PRAY WITH US
for our prenatal appointment tomorrow morning with the specialist, at 7am pst.

for hcg to be 4500
for a heartbeat to be visible
for appropriate growth in the week span
for God to perform a miracle, and grant us our June baby
for peace in our hearts, no matter the outcome of tomorrow’s appointment
for joy in the Lord, with whatever His sovereignty has ordained for our life and our family


Monday October 26, 2009

Dear friends~

We are in the midst of a waiting period.
To be brief about it… I am pregnant with our fifth Little Arrow!
I have been pregnant for a few weeks.
Of course with my history I have been monitored very closely with bloodwork and have had one ultrasound so far.
Last week things began to look dark, as my hormones plateaued, and we assumed miscarriage would again be imminent.
However, our Lord hears our pleading ~ no miscarriage has happened yet.
And today we found out that my hormones are beginning to rise again.
Not as quickly as would be considered “normal” ~ but rising is not falling!! Praise the Lord!!

Please pray with us.
Please beseech our great God for a miracle!
Please cry out to Him for grace upon our baby.
Please beg our Lord to provide us good news at our next prenatal visit on Friday.