Friday January 8, 2010

We just watched Julie & Julia. I love this movie. I think I might watch it again this afternoon.

Usually when I am grieving and/or depressed, I can hardly eat. But this week I am so hungry. So “I-am-pregnantly-hungry” hungry. Know why? Cuz my body still thinks it should be acting pregnant, doggone it. Siiiigh.

Most women cook freezer meals during their third trimester, to stock up for when they give birth. Me? Umm, I start cooking freezer meals as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test, to stock up for when I miscarry.
Yeah.
I know.
I wish I didn’t have to be so dang smart.

My incredible sister in law brought dinner over. Enough for like three dinners.
And then her lovely mother brought dinner over. Again, enough for multiple meals.
And Steven made dinner last night.
And some dear friends left two plates of perfectly baked (almost-raw-in-the-middle) chocolate chip cookies on our doorstep yesterday.

Food.

I should be able to handle food, right?
No.
I can’t.

I mentioned yesterday to a friend (another mommy to heaven babies) that I am not coping well and am starting to feel guilty for it. But she said the words that I so badly needed to hear: “You don’t have to cope. You have to grieve.

Thank God.
Because all I can do is grieve right now.

Food? Laundry? Diapers? Bills?
Ummm, you’re on hold. I’ll get to you, uhhh, someday.
I hope….

(until then, thank God for my mother….)

3 Replies to “Friday January 8, 2010”

  1. Somehow, someway you will get through this…God will hold you through this. I know He is faithful. Just keep holding tight to Him and let us pray for you. *hugs*
    Jaclynn

  2. *hugs*

    I am so sorry to hear that your body isn’t cooperating…

    And your friend is right; nothing else really truly matters right now. You don’t have to be strong and try and cope. (Don’t feeling guilty about it!)

    Praying for you; all of you as you go through yet another season of grieving. I can’t help but cry whenever I read something from you; I am so sad and beyond words now. I feel as though I can’t do anything but beseech the Lord to give you a baby here on this earth. I try to understand and I can’t.

    ~Sam

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