Thursday February 11, 2010

Thou hidden source of calm repose,
Thou all sufficient love divine,
My help and refuge from my foes,
And joy and everlasting love;
To me with Thy dear Name are given
Pardon and holiness and Heaven.

Jesus, my all in all Thou art,
My rest in toil, my ease in pain,
The healing of my broken heart,
In war my peace, in loss my gain,
My smile beneath the tyrant’s frown,
In shame my glory and my crown.

In want my plentiful supply,
In weakness my almighty power,
In bonds my perfect liberty,
My light in Satan’s darkest hour,
In grief my joy unspeakable,
My life in death, my Heaven in hell.

~Charles Wesley, 1749


My thoughts:

  • He is a hidden source. Hidden. Unseen yet still there.
  • To me, my very own self; He is calmness, all-sufficiency, help, and refuge.
  • I am secure in Him. Today and for eternity. He will not -He can not– lose me, nor I Him.
  • When He bestowed upon me the name of Christian, He also bestowed upon me His gifts of pardon, holiness, and an eternity in Heaven.
  • Jesus is everything I need: rest, ease, healing, peace, gains, joys, glory, crown, full supply, power, liberty, light, life, and Heaven. He is everything, indeed.
  • He will heal my broken heart — I don’t need anything but Him for my band-aid.
  • I need no other glory and crown but Him to cover and reverse my shame.
  • In my grief, He is yet my joy — when no other joys present themselves (and even when they do), He is the ultimate joy that will not get rid of the grief but will make the grief survivable.
  • He is my life in death — in my own death, and in the deaths of my children. He is their life. And He keeps my life.
  • Through the hellishness of earth, He is Heaven to me. He will bring me there. To meet with Him there. And until then, He gives me the hope of Heaven to survive the here & now.

Tuesday February 9, 2010

Okay… so I know it’s a little early… but I got my first birthday present of the year! It arrived on Saturday while I was out & about, so when I pulled into the garage and saw the big white object with the colorful bow (more than two weeks before my birthday), I was surprised and excited. 🙂


It’s freeeeeezing! Okay, not really the funniest pun ever. But it’s a freezer. A big, awesome, deep-freeze freezer. Aaaaah. I can buy in bulk even more easily now. And we can eat a better variety of foods this way. And when I get into a baking mood (like today — uhh, yeah, so I made 25 cinnamon rolls and 16 pesto rolls!), I have a place to store things. Hurray! I spent a while during Gabriel’s naptime organizing the new freezer today. I think I like the way I’ve got it set up. And I’m itching to head to Costco, bake a bunch of bread, and make myself some more freezer meals. 🙂 And by the way ~ thanks, Mama & Daddy!

Proverbs 31: 14-15, 27
She is like the ships of the merchant;
   she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
   and provides food for her household…
She looks well to the ways of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.


And in case you were one of the folks who wanted to know how I made 3-Cheese Pesto Rolls not too long ago… I made them again today and wrote down what I did as I went. 🙂

MJ’s 3-Cheese Pesto Rolls

Briefly mix together:
1 1/4 cups hot water
1 1/2 Tblsp yeast
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar/honey
1/3 cup Crisco/butter/oil
1/2 cup bread flour

Let it proof for about five minutes.
Then add 1 egg and an additional 3 or so cups of flour (I used 2 more cups bread flour, and a little over 1 cup of all-purpose flour).
Knead for about 5 minutes.
Let rise in an oiled bowl until doubled.
Punch down; roll into a long rectangle.

In a bowl, mix together:
1/2 cup softened butter
3 oz. softened cream cheese
3 oz. pesto (I make my pesto in approx. one ounce cubes and I freeze them; so I used 3 cubes)

Spread the filling over the dough.
Sprinkle with parmesan cheese.
Cover it all with a nice layer of shredded mozzarella.
Roll, slice, and bake on a lightly greased jelly roll pan (cookie sheet with sides) at 350F for about 25 minutes.

Enjoy!! 🙂

Monday February 8, 2010

Excerpts from Toby Sumpter’s excellent post on Haiti’s tragic earthquakes — and, consequently, all things under the sun:

God is the Creator and sustainer of all things. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth” (Gen. 1:1). “In these last days [God has] spoken to us by His Son whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also he made the worlds… and upholding all things by the word of His power…” (Heb. 1:2-3) “I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the Lord do all these things” (Is. 45:7). This includes earthquakes. While this is perhaps the hardest part of the answer, it ultimately rests in the conviction that God is love and that this love is supremely evidenced in the horror of the cross of Jesus Christ. Christians refuse to get their definitions of love, justice, and mercy from the newspapers, Hollywood, or sappy vampire romance novels. We insist that these and all other virtues must be grounded in the person of Jesus crucified. So we do not begin with an abstract notion of “God is love” or even that “God is good.”

God hates evil and suffering, but God is not bound by them. God is free.
He is free to overcome evil and suffering through bending it to His good purposes.

God hates evil and suffering in itself, because it is the remnants of the old sin cursed world that still haunts all of us. But God is free to use this ugliness as He pleases, and He does.

God does save lives and others He takes. “Now see that I, even I, am He, and there is no God besides Me; I kill and I make alive: I wound and I heal; Nor is there any who can deliver from my hand” (Dt. 32:39). He is the God of the living and the dead: the life of every living thing is in His absolute control (Job 12:10). He takes the lives of those who are wicked and in high handed rebellion, and He brings His own people home to rest in His presence until the resurrection.
In this, He is absolutely just and merciful.

Job 1:21 “…The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Monday February 8, 2010

    Our pastoral intern, Ben Alexander, preaches excellently. I am always both encouraged and challenged by the words of Truth which Christ speaks through him.
    This morning he preached on 1 Corinthians 13 — you know, the famous “love” section. He highlighted verse 7:

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.“

    It made me think about the members of Christ’s body that have truly reached out to us with such Christlike love lately. It isn’t just anyone who has loved us with this true type of love. The type that bears with us, believes with us, hopes with us, and endures with us. There are a number of people who have tangibly loved us this way. And my eyes filled with encouraged tears as soon as he began reading his sermon text this morning.
    A dear friend sent me an email not long ago saying that they find my husband & me to be exemplifying the love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. The email meant a great deal to me, and blessed me. To know that we are ministering to others, proclaiming the Gospel through our life, and showcasing Christ’s love even in our grief and pain — that knowledge blessed me. And so I was reminded of that this morning.
    But in all honesty, I do not feel deserving of such encouragement. I do not feel like I bear all things or endure things — not well, at any rate. I feel like believing and hoping are grasping at straws for me some days.
    But may the Lord enable me to continually grow and become established in Him, conforming more and more to His image, so that I may (ere I die) be mature in this.
    Upon hearing the sermon text for today, the number one person that popped into my head was my Steven. He is patient and kind; never envious or boastful, arrogant or rude; he does not insist on his own way (even though he knows I would necessarily submit to him if he did); he is not easily irritated or harbor resentment; he rejoices in Truth; and truly, truly he bears all things (good, bad, ugly…) with me & for me, he believes all things (by the power of God in him) with me & for me, he hopes all things (for his hope is grounded deeply in the Lord), and he endures all things (I don’t even need to begin a list here). This man loves with a never-ending, never-failing love.
My Steven epitomizes this section of Scripture.
Praise the Lord. And amen!
    The next set of people that popped into my head are my parents. Never have such parents existed before, I think. (I know, I know — I’m partial, right?) They bear, believe, hope, and endure so much with us. Tangibly.
Praise the Lord. And hallelujah!
    And then there are others. Some who read this very blog! 🙂
Thank you for loving us with Christlike love.

    I know that Galatians 6:2 (“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”) is referring specifically to burdens of transgression, but I think the principle is largely (and appropriately) applied to other burdensome situations as well. My dearest friend’s mother leads a Bible study I attend, and she said recently “if you are bearing one another’s burdens, you should feel burdened. Truly burdened.” So for those of you who are specifically loving us in the way of helping to bear our burden of the past year — thank you for being burdened, and may our kind Father in Heaven bless you with a doublefold reward.

This morning, Ben Alexander said

“Maturity is the man of the most love.“

and

“Maturity is a person who knows that God loves them…
Who hates their sin and loves their forgiveness.
“

I liked those snippets.
He also said

“Post millenialism is confident faith in God’s victory over the world.“

I love God’s victorious reign!

The five main points of the sermon application are as follows:
1) Christ’s enduring love is not provincial.
2) Christ’s enduring love is not self-preserving.
3) Christ’s enduring love does not believe a person can’t change.
4) Christ’s enduring love does not give up on people.
5) Christ’s enduring love places maximum value on the other person.


1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Sunday February 7, 2010

I am thinking about mourning this morning.
After the death of one of my children, I wear a lot of black. This is very traditional, of course, but I do it out of my own manner of handling grief. I don’t do it truly purposefully every day. I do tend to do it purposefully when I go out in public — which, for a few weeks’ minimum following the death of one of my babies, tends to mostly be on Sunday. I wear black skirts, shirts, scarves — sometimes I even cover my head with a black hat or scarf.
Not because I find this necessary.
But because it is one traditional way of showing grief & mourning that is still acceptable and (although perhaps rarely) acknowledged.
I have been reading about grief and mourning in Scripture lately. Doing word studies mostly. Just for personal perusal and thought-provoking reading.
I will share a few thoughts briefly before I head to church, where I will not only worship my Father along with all the saints triumphant who have gone before me — but where my entire family will be present in one single pew. My husband, myself, our Gabriel… with all of our other children who we do not get to see or hold on a daily basis. Covenant Hope, Glory Hesed, Promise Anastasis, Peace Nikonos, and Mercy Kyrie. I get to sit with them today. Worship with them today. Be in their presence. And they get to be in mine. They may never have seen the love in my eyes or felt my milk on their tongues — but today, on the one day of the week where this is mystically possible, we get to be together. As one whole family. Complete.
And I love that more than I can tell you. Bitterly. And sweetly.

Psalm 38:6
I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
   all the day I go about mourning.
Lamentations 5:15
The joy of our hearts has ceased;
    our dancing has been turned to mourning.

~True verses. Poignant.~
Isaiah 22:12
In that day the Lord GOD of hosts
   called for weeping and mourning,
   for baldness and wearing sackcloth…

~The Lord *called* for these things. I love that. He calls for weeping and mourning, and their signs.~
Ezekiel 27:29-32
The mariners and all the pilots of the sea
   stand on the land
and shout aloud over you
   and cry out bitterly.
They cast dust on their heads
    and wallow in ashes;
they make themselves bald for you
   and put sackcloth on their waist,
and they weep over you in bitterness of soul,
   with bitter mourning.
In their wailing they raise a lamentation for you
   and lament over you…

~Just  more evidences of physical, demonstrated mourning and lamentation.~
James 4:9-10
Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

~We are sometimes commanded to mourn, be wretched, and weep. To mourn and be gloomy. To be humbled, even humiliated. Very interesting.~
Jeremiah 9:17-18
Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider, and call for the mourning women to come;
   send for the skillful women to come;
let them make haste and raise a wailing over us,
    that our eyes may run down with tears
   and our eyelids flow with water.

~I find it so interesting that it is referenced as skillful to mourn well… wailing and crying. Very thought-provoking.~
Isaiah 60:19-22
The sun shall be no more
   your light by day,
nor for brightness shall the moon
   give you light;
but the LORD will be your everlasting light,
   and your God will be your glory.
Your sun shall no more go down,
   nor your moon withdraw itself;
for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
   and your days of mourning shall be ended.
Your people shall all be righteous;
    they shall possess the land forever,
the branch of My planting, the work of My hands,
   that I might be glorified.
The least one shall become a clan,
   and the smallest one a mighty nation;
I am the LORD;
   in its time I will hasten it.

~O Lord, hasten it. Be glorified and mighty. Even unto us, a small one, make us a clan and a mighty nation in Your time.~
Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
   He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
   and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
    and the day of vengeance of our God;
   to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
    to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
   the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
   the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

~I praise God for such evidences of comfort, a beautiful headdress, oil of gladness, a garment of praise! May my family be considered an oak of righteousness planted by God! And may He be glorified!!~
Revelation 21:3-5
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And He who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

~I can not wait for all things to be finished being made new!! When there will be no more tears or death or mourning or crying or pain!! O Lord, hasten Your day, and bring glory to Yourself!!~

Friday February 5, 2010

I haven’t been keeping up with quite as much reading as I’d love to lately… partly by choice and partly by circumstance… but I’m trying!
Here’s my list — and I’d love to know what you’re reading too!

Just finished:

  • Psalms
  • Down But Not Out by Wayne Mack

Still reading:

  • Proverbs
  • Five Aspects of Woman by Barbara Mouser
  • The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie

Just started:

  • Be Still My Soul by Elisabeth Elliot
  • Hinds’ Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard

On the list “next”:

  • A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
  • Waiting On God by Andrew Murray
  • Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski
  • Mountains Of Spices by Hannah Hurnard


There is a great deal of difference
between an eager man who wants to read a book
and a tired man who wants a book to read.
~G.K. Chesterton
No man can be called friendless
who has God and the companionship of good books.
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Wednesday February 3, 2010

O my God

Thou Fairest, greatest, first of all objects,

my heart admires, adores, loves Thee,

for my little vessel is as full as it can be,

and I would pour out all that fullness before Thee

in ceaseless flow.

When I think upon and converse with Thee

Ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up,

ten thousand sources of pleasure are insealed,

ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,

crowding into every moment of happiness.

I bless Thee for the soul thou hast  created,

for adoring it, sanctifying it,

though it is fixed in barren soil;

for the body Thou hast given me,

for preserving its strength and vigour,

for providing senses to enjoy delights,

for ease and freedom of my limbs,

for hands, eyes, ears that do Thy bidding;

for Thy royal bounty providing my daily support,

for a full table and overflowing cup,

for appetite, taste, sweetness,

for social joys of relatives and friends,

for ability to serve others,

for a heart that feels sorrows and necessities,

for a mind to care for my fellow men,

for opportunities of spreading happiness around,

for loved ones in the joys of heaven,

for my own expectation of seeing Thee clearly.

I love Thee above the powers of language to express,

for what Thou art to Thy creatures.

Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.


~From The Valley of Vision~

Tuesday February 2, 2010

Today would have been Promise’s due date, and I could have shared newborn photos.
Or today I would have had Peace’s “big ultrasound” pictures to share with you.
But God’s ways are most certainly not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts.

So today I am sharing Mercy’s memory photos with you instead.
This mommy loves my children not one mite less for the fact that I only got a handful of weeks with each of them.





Monday February 1, 2010

Read this entry of Steven’s, and the excerpts of Mr. Palpant’s prayer.

Some of the sentences that made my chin quiver and my eyes pour out like little salty fountains:

~”We are those who buried another child, though we prayed against it, and though we hoped, and now the dark is very dark and we are often tired in the very center of our being.”
~”Forgive us for wanting to simply get through to the other side of the anguish, unwilling to sit in the desert and let you wash us off and clothe us and be with us. Forgive us for forgetting our great heritage of suffering and the Cross that stands as the sign and purpose of our mortal lives. Forgive us, Father, for hoping our joy would come cheaply.”
~”Forgive us for keeping our suffering to ourselves, for hiding behind a stoic smile, for selfishly wishing we could be only left alone.”