Saturday October 31, 2009

My hand rests on my tummy

Where you rest and grow,

Where your tiny heart beats in beautiful rhythm—

Only muscles and skin between us.

 

Your tiny frame is not hidden

Although you seem to be formed in secret.

God has knit you while I carry you

And your daddy whispers to you of his love.

 

We have dreams for you.

Life in the country, siblings,

Church and books and Christmas gifts,

Growing up and learning and being ours forever.

 

We know not the ways of the Lord,

His thoughts are not like ours.

His plans for you are set in stone.

What He has ordained surely shall be done.

 

Dreams of heaven.

Streets of gold.

Praises singing.

Joining your older siblings.

 

My tears are bottled, the psalmist says.

And how big is the bottle?

Oh, when shall I reach the brim?

It has been a dozen bottles—no, fifty.

 

Is that beautiful heart still keeping its rhythm?

Are you spinning and growing and exploring my womb?

Or have you already flown,

Are already dancing in Paradise?

 

Broken.

Lost.

Hopeless.

Empty.

 

You aren’t even gone yet

But I miss you already.

Dreams unfulfilled, hopes crushed,

Arms empty, belly barren.

 

Mommy feels forsaken.

Daddy feels helpless.

Big brother aches for your company.

Our family is incomplete.

 

You can not imagine how much we love you,

But we hope you have sensed it through these weeks.

And we never will forget how much you impacted us,

God has used you in mighty ways in your short but faithful life.

 

We pull out the psalter for reminders of the Strong Tower

The One who sustains us and gives us grace.

He will strengthen and bless your family here

Though we weep and we mourn and we falter.

~by your ever-loving mommy, Melissa Joy~

Friday October 30, 2009

An up and down day.

We saw our baby’s beautiful heartbeat.

But we are told that flutter will soon be gone.

The hormones aren’t going up.

We are at a loss.

We are broken.

Such a long, hard week.

Then little bites of hope.

And now — nothing.

Emptiness.

Tragedy.

Don’t give up praying.

We can still pray for a miracle.

But ultimately, we need to pray that we would peacefully say:
EVEN SO, LORD, NOT MY WILL BUT THINE BE DONE.

While the tears stream down my face and my eyes puff up and my chest heaves…

Thursday October 29, 2009

As a reminder, PLEASE PRAY WITH US
for our prenatal appointment tomorrow morning with the specialist, at 7am pst.

Specifics:
for hcg to be 4500
for a heartbeat to be visible
for appropriate growth in the week span
for God to perform a miracle, and grant us our June baby
for peace in our hearts, no matter the outcome of tomorrow’s appointment
for joy in the Lord, with whatever His sovereignty has ordained for our life and our family

THANK YOU!!

Tuesday October 27, 2009

“The resurrection of Jesus issues the surprising command:
don’t be afraid.
Because the God who made the world
is the God who raised Jesus from the dead
and calls you now to follow Him.
Believing in this God means believing that
it is going to be all right,
and this belief is ultimately incompatible with fear.”
~NT Wright

thanks Daddy. I love you. xx

Monday October 26, 2009

Dear friends~

We are in the midst of a waiting period.
To be brief about it… I am pregnant with our fifth Little Arrow!
I have been pregnant for a few weeks.
Of course with my history I have been monitored very closely with bloodwork and have had one ultrasound so far.
Last week things began to look dark, as my hormones plateaued, and we assumed miscarriage would again be imminent.
However, our Lord hears our pleading ~ no miscarriage has happened yet.
And today we found out that my hormones are beginning to rise again.
Not as quickly as would be considered “normal” ~ but rising is not falling!! Praise the Lord!!

Please pray with us.
Please beseech our great God for a miracle!
Please cry out to Him for grace upon our baby.
Please beg our Lord to provide us good news at our next prenatal visit on Friday.

Sunday October 25, 2009

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”

Saturday October 24, 2009

Please, please pray for us.
I can’t even bring myself to write more words right now.
But please pray for us.

Isaiah 59:1
Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,
   or His ear dull, that it cannot hear.

Thursday October 22, 2009

C.H. Spurgeon’s “Morning And Evening”

Evening, October 22

“He shall take of mine, and shall show it unto you.”

John 16:15

There are times when all the promises and doctrines of the Bible are of no avail, unless a gracious hand shall apply them to us. We are thirsty, but too faint to crawl to the water-brook. When a soldier is wounded in battle it is of little use for him to know that there are those at the hospital who can bind up his wounds, and medicines there to ease all the pains which he now suffers: what he needs is to be carried thither, and to have the remedies applied. It is thus with our souls, and to meet this need there is one, even the Spirit of truth, who takes of the things of Jesus, and applies them to us. Think not that Christ hath placed his joys on heavenly shelves that we may climb up to them for ourselves, but he draws near, and sheds his peace abroad in our hearts. O Christian, if thou art tonight labouring under deep distresses, thy Father does not give thee promises and then leave thee to draw them up from the Word like buckets from a well, but the promises he has written in the Word he will write anew on your heart. He will manifest his love to you, and by his blessed Spirit, dispel your cares and troubles. Be it known unto thee, O mourner, that it is God’s prerogative to wipe every tear from the eye of his people. The good Samaritan did not say, “Here is the wine, and here is the oil for you;” he actually poured in the oil and the wine. So Jesus not only gives you the sweet wine of the promise, but holds the golden chalice to your lips, and pours the life-blood into your mouth. The poor, sick, way-worn pilgrim is not merely strengthened to walk, but he is borne on eagles’ wings. Glorious gospel! which provides everything for the helpless, which draws nigh to us when we cannot reach after it—brings us grace before we seek for grace! Here is as much glory in the giving as in the gift. Happy people who have the Holy Ghost to bring Jesus to them.


“Our Father”
by Martin Luther, 1539
 
1. Our Father, Thou in heaven above,
Who biddest us to dwell in love,
As brethren of one family,
To cry in every need to Thee,
Teach us no thoughtless word to say,
But from our inmost heart to pray.
 
2. Thy name be hallowed. Help us, Lord,
In purity to keep Thy Word,
That to the glory of thy name
We walk before Thee free from blame.
Let no false doctrine us pervert;
All poor, deluded souls convert.
 
3. Thy kingdom come. Thine let it be
In time and in eternity.
Let Thy good Spirit e’er be nigh
Our hearts with graces to supply.
Break Satan’s power, defeat his rage;
Preserve Thy Church from age to age.
 
4. Thy gracious will on earth be done
As ’tis in heaven before Thy throne;
Obedience in our weal and woe
And patience in all grief bestow.
Curb flesh and blood and every ill
That sets itself against Thy will.
 
5. Give us this day our daily bread
And let us all be clothed and fed.
From war and strife be our Defense,
From famine and from pestilence,
That we may live in godly peace,
Free from all care and avarice.
 
6. Forgive our sins, Lord, we implore,
Remove from us their burden sore,
As we their trespasses forgive
Who by offenses us do grieve.
Thus let us dwell in charity
And serve our brother willingly.
 
7. Into temptation lead us not.
When evil foes against us plot
And vex our souls on every hand,
Oh, give us strength that we may stand
Firm in the faith, a well-armed host,
Through comfort of the Holy Ghost!
 
8. From evil, Lord, deliver us;
The times and days are perilous.
Redeem us from eternal death,
And when we yield our dying breath,
Console us, grant us calm release,
And take our souls to Thee in peace.
 
9. Amen, that is, So shall it be.
Confirm our faith and hope in Thee
That we may doubt not, but believe
What here we ask we shall receive.
Thus in Thy name and at Thy word
We say: Amen. Oh, hear us, Lord! Amen.


John 14:27
Peace I leave with you;
My peace I give to you.
Not as the world gives do I give to you.
Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace.
In the world you will have tribulation.
But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.
The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.
And be thankful.

Wednesday October 21, 2009

To Autumn  gif
William Blake (from Poetical Sketches, 1783)


O Autumn, laden with fruit, and stain’d
With the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit
Beneath my shady roof; there thou may’st rest,
And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe,
And all the daughters of the year shall dance!
Sing now the lusty song of fruits and flowers.

“The narrow bud opens her beauties to
The sun, and love runs in her thrilling veins;
Blossoms hang round the brows of Morning, and
Flourish down the bright cheek of modest Eve,
Till clust’ring Summer breaks forth into singing,
And feather’d clouds strew flowers round her head.

“The spirits of the air live in the smells
Of fruit; and Joy, with pinions light, roves round
The gardens, or sits singing in the trees.”
Thus sang the jolly Autumn as he sat,
Then rose, girded himself, and o’er the bleak
Hills fled from our sight; but left his golden load.