I am fighting
shame
humiliation
inadequacy
discouragement
feeling unfeminine
feeling so incomplete
ugliness
covetousness
despair
I am rejoicing in
a husband who adores me amidst everything
our son who makes me smile even when I feel like dying
beautiful, fragrant, abundant flowers
an impromptu ice cream date
parents who do -quite literally- anything & everything for us
siblings who leave muffins on our front porch
mutually encouraging other mommies in pain
voicemail and email – so I don’t actually have to respond until I am stronger
the hope of the resurrection
my five children — FIVE
*hugs*
I can understand why you are fighting those things… life is SO hard.
To go through what you have gone through not once, not twice but now 4 times… I can’t even begin to imagine your despair, your inadequacy and perhaps even anger with your body.
Oh Melissa, I love you and am praying for you.
Keep looking into the eyes of your loves ones, keep smelling those flowers and remembering… and hoping.
~Sam
I wanted to share this song with you:
“This Road” by Ginny Owens
A million miles away from anything familiar
a thousand places that I’d rather be
so I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
though I find it hard to see though all my suffering
in my heart I know your plan is so much bigger
but this small part is all that I can see
and I beleive you havn’t left me here to wander
still I can’t help but ponder where you’re leading me
(chorus)
and I ask why this road
why this way
and this load
tell me how far must I go
til I see …til I know
why this road
A million miles away from anything familiar
what was it like to be so far from home
though you came in love
the world misunderstood you
there must have been some days when you felt so alone
but you endured, because ther was joy before you
joy that came because you sacrificed
Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me
surely I can trust you’ll lead me through my darkest times
when I ask why….(chorus)
From here I can’t see
why you’d choose this path for me
but I don’t have to understand to beleive
that you know why, this road
why this way
and this load
you know how far I must go
tile I see
til I know
why this road
Thank you Sam. I’m really struggling.
And that -although it made the tears fall faster :)- was a blessing to read.
My whole kitchen smells like roses. (((hugs)))
It is only natural and normal that you are struggling, I only wish there was something that would make things all better. *hugs* I cannot imagine the myriad of emotions you are going through.
And thank you also for the reminder to look at our blessings at the same time we are going through an unimaginable painfully tough time.
Enjoy the roses ;o)
Love,
Jaclynn
there’s a Wes King song called We Thought You’d Be Here By Now… I heard it on our CD player today. I thought of you guys and several of our other friends trying to have children. Thought I’d share the words with you. Loved this post – it helps me know how to pray for you better.
We thought you’d be here by now
Your mother and I…
We’re praying through our tears that somehow,
We might hear your sweet cry…
Have we waited too long
It’s getting harder to be strong
Is there something we’ve done wrong?
But if you like dancing
I’ll make it rain rhythm, and rhyme, and melodies, child
And if you like dreaming
Your mother will make your imagination run wild
Somehow, we thought you’d be here by now.
We have a room just for you upstairs, It’s right down the hall
So we’ll be close should you ever get scared…
We’ll come when you call
It’s a room full of stories
Waiting to be told
Longing to behold
And if you like laughing
I’ll paint you a circus of smiles and ferris wheels, dear
And if you like living
Your mother will fly you to worlds both far and near
Somehow…
I never knew the silence could make me so deaf
I never knew that I could miss someone I’ve never met
Miss someone I haven’t met yet…
We’ll be waiting….
@joyfuldomesticity -
*hugs*
As the rain fell gently here this evening, I thought of you especially.
I hope the sunshine comes back into your life again soon… and I pray with all my heart that our Heavenly Father blesses you with more children here on this earth. May He continue to give you strength and comfort for each day.
I’m glad the roses are a blessing; it was just something we thought might help just a bit. And help as something beautiful for your home.