When Anticipating Mother’s Day is Bittersweet…

If you find yourself in a position of anticipating Mother’s Day this weekend with a bittersweetness in your heart and a catch in your throat, I’ve been there. And this morning I wanted to share from my heart with you something I wrote called Two Pearls, posted at Expecting With Hope, as I recall my very first Mother’s Day six years ago… and even as I anticipate this coming Mother’s Day. These days, I look like a mom. 🙂 You’ll see me babywearing or pushing a stroller, my purse is really a diaper bag, my kids’ outfits & hairstyles are much more put together than mine are, and a glance in my car at three carseats squished side-by-side in a single row would confirm that I totally drive a mom car.
And I embrace that with so much thankfulness and joy! But when someone sees me in the grocery store parking lot with my three little miracles and smiles with a comment like, “you’ve got your hands full, mama” they really have no idea. My hands may look full, but my heart is even more full.

This Mother’s Day, I am mommy to twelve: eight singing in heaven, three running around my ankles, and one fighting for life in my womb.
This Mother’s Day, I continue on the journey of knowing what the past held and wondering what God holds for our future.
This Mother’s Day, I fully embrace the gifts the Lord has given me, both here and in heaven, and pray for His grace to joyfully accept what His sovereign hand delivers into mine.

As I wrote in my journal, “it was my very first Mother’s Day—although I did not have either of my children in my arms, I fellowshipped with one in heaven and held the other in my belly…”

So as another Mother’s Day arrives, I remember those of you who are in similar shoes—who have loved and lost and now love anew, who know what the past held and wonder what the future holds, who have Mother’s Day fears and Mother’s Day hopes, who know you are a mom (perhaps of many!) even if you have “nothing” to show for it but memorabilia like my two pink pearls. Those pearls were my reminder of what God had done. Those pearls continue to be a reminder to me of God’s faithfulness. And I still get joy out of telling my son how one of the pearls was for him and one for his big sister he will meet in heaven where we will see the most beautiful pearls imaginable (Revelation 21:21).