Month: December 2011

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Family Christmas Photo

This year we took a family Christmas photo, true to the common tradition that families everywhere enjoy from year to year. In 2007, we were overjoyed to do a photo as a married couple and also as expectant parents. In 2008, our joy had grown even more as we got to enjoy having little Gabriel’s sweet smile join the photo. In 2009, however, our happiness was tainted and the photo felt incomplete. While we had missed having Covenant in previous photos, our grief was compounded by the deaths of Glory, Promise, and Peace in 2009. Suddenly the impact of not having any of these four faces included in our photo was weighty. We took the photo anyway, but felt an awkward imbalance of joy and grief. In 2010, Hosanna had just died so recently and our hearts ached over the additional deaths of Mercy, Victory, and our Hosanna-boy so much that I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want the photo with so many missing faces. The grief was too overwhelming. The pain was too intense. Death, and recurrent death at that, was too fresh. Eventually we did take a picture in front of my parents’ hearth just to stick with tradition, but as soon as the picture was taken, I cried. And nearly wished we hadn’t taken it.

But this year? We are still missing seven little faces. There is still grief in our hearts that sin entered the world, and as one of the many consequences, death entered our family’s life. But the Lord has restored our fortunes, in the wording of Psalm 126. He has renewed our hope and strengthened our loins. He has given us a respite in the drenching storm. And we believe this is reflected in our 2011 family Christmas photo. Much of this is obviously due to the fourth face you now see present in this picture, and the mercy God has extended to us through this little boy’s life.

I have often wondered if my pain with Christmas photos is unique to myself and my heart. But as I found out for sure today, it is not. Jess, one of the sweetest & most candid bereaved mamas you’ll find online (or anywhere), wrote in a Christmas post about the traditional family Christmas photo so eloquently. So many of her words (emphases mine) could have been taken right out of my mouth:

“Christmas is a wonderful time of year, but along with it comes many mixed emotions…especially as we send out our Christmas cards. Our family picture represents the life that God has entrusted to us this year…not one, but two sweet boys. We love those boys so much and feel incredibly blessed to be their parents. But when we look at our family picture we cannot help but be reminded of a huge hole. A hole that our daughter Cora left behind. A hole that forever makes our family feel incomplete. We are so thankful that Christmas is about more than pretty decorations, presents, fun traditions, or even a “complete” family Christmas card. We celebrate because Christmas is the time God kept his promise to send a Savior. It is amazing to think that God sent his Son to the earth as a tiny baby to save us…to save me. What an incredible truth to celebrate. A truth that assures us that because of that tiny baby in the manger and His death on the cross for us, we can have a personal relationship with Him. And we can look forward in great anticipation to the day we will stand “complete” before our Heavenly Father. A solid truth and HOPE that we can live by.”

Amen and Hallelujah!!

Last year, this verse from It Came Upon a Midnight Clear was the most impacting thing I sang, as I was crushed beneath life’s load, and my heart as well as my body was bent so low; my steps were dreadfully painful and each one felt glacially slow; I so much wanted to rest and hear… but oh dear, was it incredibly hard!

O ye
Beneath life’s crushing load
Whose forms are bending low
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow
Look now
For glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing
O rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing

This year, the song that impacted my heart the most was O Come, All Ye Faithful, and the charge I get to sing to Covenant, Glory, Promise, Peace, Mercy, Victory, and Hosanna. They are citizens of heaven, and I get to charge my sweet children to sing glory to God in the highest! I love that. And this year, my heart is blessed and encouraged by that.

Sing choirs of angels, sing in exultation
Sing all ye citizens of heav’n above
Glory to God, all glory in the highest!

So this year, my heart is balmed, my grief is less fresh, my hope is renewed, my happiness is restored, my joy is strengthened.

Thanks be to God!

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Our Christmas as Four

Our first Christmas as four… remembering the other seven of our family who were celebrating Christmas in the glorious beauties of heaven with Christ Himself! It was a truly sweet weekend. Here is a glimpse of our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day; feasting, celebrating, gifting, even sleeping. 🙂 Enjoying the biggest gifts of all that God has given us: Himself and each other. Amen!

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Embracing for One Month

How can it be that I have been embracing this little sweetheart in my arms for one entire  month already?! Today our Asher is one month old. Thanks be to God!

As our littlest redhead grows and changes, here is a wee bit of picture proof that I am trying to seize the days, treasure every moment, and embrace the camera with our happy-boy.

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Loving a wee layer of snow

Our home looks so lovely covered with a wee layer of snow. Enough to cover up the vestiges of the construction site and lack of yard, but not enough to require plowing yet. It’s the best of both worlds. 🙂

The boys and I went out to enjoy the frosty world. Okay, let’s rephrase that: Asher slept through it in some awesome cuddly coziness, I tolerated the cold biting my legs through my jeans (one of these days I need to unpack my snow gear!) and took pictures, and Gabriel thoroughly enjoyed the frostiness of the world around our home. Picture perfect examples? You got it.

     

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Three Days until Christmas

Because our Baby Nine was due to arrive in December this year, and because I knew we would still be living out of boxes, i wasn’t planning on doing much for Christmas. Not much decorating, not much baking, not much “holiday to-do” of any real magnitude. Not to be Scrooge-like at all, but just because of the timing of everything this year. However, with Asher making his arrival a bit early, our schedule was a bit more thrown off around Thanksgiving than around Christmas. So as it happens, we ended up not doing anything “Thanksgivingy” but we are winding up doing a few Christmasy things. Advent has gotten a bit lost in the shuffle, but Christmas shall not be! And amen. 😉

So the stockings have been hung along our stairway ~ and do you notice the glorious number of them? No longer three, but four stockings adorn our home. What a beautiful thing. Such a little thing to so many people, but truly monumental in my eyes.

And we ended up getting a tree cut, set up, and decorated, if only for the fact that our Gabriel literally begged us to have one. 🙂 So last weekend the guys stepped a mere twenty feet from our back porch and cut down a pine that would have been cut down in the spring anyway! It’s lovely. And my favorite part about it are the seven glass candle ornaments, each of which has one of our heaven-babies’ names on it. I love having a way to incorporate them into our Christmas.

We’ve also got plenty of gifts, candles, a flower arrangement, pillow, afghan, and a few other random Christmas decorations strewn about. And thus, the house that I thought would be fairly void of Christmas decorations this year is actually looking rather festive. I love it. Sitting by the fire in the evening with my boys is delightful, especially with twinkly lights and colorful gifts and pepperminty candles and choral cds enhancing the atmosphere.

 

We have a white board in the kitchen (someday I plan on having a big chalkboard on the wall, but that must wait until other things are accomplished first, like doors hung and shelves built and towel racks put in place…), where Gabriel and I are counting down the days until Christmas. Three days now! Wow!

So as you prepare to celebrate the miraculous incarnation of our glorious Savior, I also wanted to share this great little article that Mrs. Wilson wrote about gift-giving. What a wonderful perspective and how aptly worded. It’s so familiar to me, being right along the lines that I was raised with, and such a joy to see things written out in a humble, godly, loving way. Things that my parents exemplified to me my entire life, put into words by another wise woman. God be praised. So lavish blessings and goodness upon those around you this weekend. Reflect God and His character and His ways. We are made in His image: let us show it and share it tangibly this Christmas.

Make merry, my friends!

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Asher’s Baptism

 

Even though I have a 3 1/2 year old miracle boy, my motherhood has often felt more defined by loss than by life.
But suddenly I have a 3 1/2 week old miracle boy here with us as well. And life is beginning to be the pervading essence in our home. (At least for now.)
And it is beautifully refreshing. What a balm! What a respite! What a catch-my-breath miracle!

And yesterday was the drop that tipped the scales on that point.
It was Asher’s baptism.
For three years, we have sat in the church pew and watched family after family baptize their precious babies. And for much of that time, my husband and I have sat there crying. Weeping. Grieving. Wondering. Pleading.

Yesterday we were the ones who were asked to come to the front, to stand in front of the altar, to make promises before God and our congregation, to offer a charge to our baby, to pray a blessing upon him… Us. Our family. Our baby boy. :happytears:

My mother sewed him a gorgeous white gown, with French seams and tiny buttons and tucks and trimmings. She embroidered his name on it, along with “Baptized in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” and yesterday’s date. And because it was a cold, snowy day she also sewed him a full slip and bonnet. She also gave him a white onesie that says “loved” and pale blue BabyLegs for underthings to keep him doubly cozy.

He wore his great-great-grandfather’s gold baby ring (along with one that was given just to him, for his own family heirloom), which is another reminder that he is part of the bride of Christ.

Steven wrote a beautiful charge and prayer for him.
I put together a reception for ~200 people afterward, where we served a light lunch of breads, meats, cheeses, olives, grapes, and cake (plus wine).
My parents hosted a family dinner celebration in the evening at their home, with white and gold decorations, white flowers, rich food and wine, music, people we love (and who love Asher), and another prayer of blessing.

The whole day was focused on life. Asher’s life. His life here on earth and his eternal life in heaven. The life that God has called him to, and the life that God has called us to nurture and disciple.

LIFE.

But Asher’s life does not exist in a bubble. And his life does not erase the immense pain we have endured as we have suffered the death of seven of his older brothers & sisters. And I wanted to somehow acknowledge them yesterday, even if it was just privately to myself. My mommy’s heart needed to know that all nine of my children were remembered as the youngest brother was given the sign of the covenant, as the waters of baptism dripped off his fuzzy red head.

So I wore a corsage made of seven baby white roses. My dad bought them. My mom made the corsage and pinned it on me. And a couple people actually commented on my corsage, and I was able to tell them that the seven roses were in honor of our heaven-babies. And I knew. The whole day, I knew what I was wearing and why. As I held my baby in my arm, and held my big boy’s hand, I wore a remembrance of their siblings. And I can’t tell you how that image blessed me.

Thanks be to God for His incredible gifts.
Not the least of which is our sweet covenant son, Asher Timothy.
Hallelujah!

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Wait ~ Christmastime?!

So it was snowing again this morning and Gabriel pipes up, it’s Christmastime!!!!

And it suddenly hit me. He’s RIGHT!!

I mean… wait a second… or hold on a tick as Gabriel likes to say, in the British quippy way…

Christmas is already here?! Didn’t our amazing Thanksgiving just happen?!

And shouldn’t the days slow down just a wee bit so I can drink in this newborn elixir to my drunken fill?! How can the holidays possibly be here and Advent already nearly past?!

So I hung our stockings. All FOUR of them. *happy tears*

And I have a couple Christmas towels and one Christmas pillow out. And a couple candles.

But tomorrow? I think tomorrow we may step into the backyard and cut down a tree. Literally twenty feet from our back door. And then I will march down to the basement and find some lights and ornaments. Because whether I had realized it or not, my three year old did and won’t stop reminding me: IT’S CHRISTMASTIME!!! 🙂

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Eye candy

People ask me for eye candy in the form of Asher photos. So here you go. Eat up. 🙂