Author: joyfuldomesticity

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Granola Goodness

These granola bars are in the works today in my home. It’s been a wonderful day of focusing on my little boy (hurray for setting up a tent in the backyard and going “fishing” in the kiddie pool!) in the just-arrived-warmer-weather, but now I’m giving in to a craving for some granola bars. What went into mine today? Shredded coconut, golden raisins, dried cranberries, crushed unsalted nuts, and some chocolate chips for good measure. 🙂

EDITED TO ADD: I just used granulated sugar (was tempted to use brown sugar), I don’t think it probably matters. I used freshly ground hard red wheat flour instead of oat flour. And for the syrupy sweetener I used maple syrup. Also, they were easiest for me to cut after I let the granola sit on its parchment hammock in the freezer for half an hour. This might not be the healthiest granola bar recipe out there, but it is super tasty plus I’m totally all over anything homemade. So yeah, it fits my bill perfectly. 😀

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my vineyard

This morning in church, I sang a meditation based on Habakkuk 3:17-19. The Scripture reads,

“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
He makes my feet like the deer’s;
He makes me tread on my high places.”

The words of the song read,

“Though the tree shall not bloom,
and the vine bears no fruit,
Though the field shall fail and yield no food,
Though the flocks are cut off from within the fold,
And though all is destroyed both young and old…

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
Yes, I will be joyful in God my Savior,
I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior,
I will rejoice in the Lord; I will rejoice in the Lord.

Though the winds rise up
and the rivers roar,
Though the thunder may crash and storms destroy,
Though the mountains may fall and the seas rush in,
And though nations invade by the hands of evil men…

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
Yes, I will be joyful in God my Savior,
I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior,
I will rejoice in the Lord; I will rejoice in the Lord.

And the Sovereign Lord is all my strength
And He makes me to walk upon the high place!

And I will rejoice in the Lord,
Yes, I will be joyful in God my Savior,
I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior,
I will rejoice in the Lord; I will rejoice in the Lord.”

You can listen here to a clip of the song by the composer/arranger Nathan Clark George, but when I sang it for the meditation today I slowed it down, did it acapella, and in general tamed it a little bit for the conservative nature of our church. 🙂

Anyway.

It was an interesting start to the day. Steven and I memorized this song last winter, shortly after our little boy died. Incidentally, today was our Hosanna’s due date. It’s the first time (since after Gabriel, with my six back-to-back losses) that I have reached a due date without having another miscarriage in the meantime. I can’t tell you what a balm our Baby Nine is. Heartbeat and kicks and general sickness have been sweet reminders today of this balm that God has so generously gifted to our family. This life doesn’t replace Hosanna (or any siblings), but it does somehow balm the pain. My arms may not be holding a newborn today like we had hoped, prayed, and thought they would be… but my womb is not empty and our hope is not completely gone. The Lord’s mercies are still new every day. We still have the privilege of anticipating heaven. We still have the unique blessing of having extra sweetness to look forward to when we reach heaven; because not only do we get to see Jesus face to face, but we get to see our children again.

Anyway. Singing the Sanctus today was hard too. Singing “hosanna” at the top of my lungs, knowing that covenantally I too was praising God in the midst of His glorious sanctuary, lifted up by Christ into the heavenlies in corporate worship with all the saints who have gone before ~ including my own Hosanna Praise. I was meditating on a verse today in honor of our Hosanna boy and praying it to our Father even in church, Psalm 106:47 “Save us, O LORD our God… that we may give thanks to Your holy name and glory in Your praise.”

Plus it was Father’s Day. Two years ago, our Promise died the day before Father’s Day, so last year her birthday/anniversary was on Father’s Day. This year on Father’s Day we have the bittersweetness of Hosanna’s due date. And for once, our church actually mentioned the Hallmark holiday numerous times (usually we don’t emphasize Hallmark holidays at all at church; we reserve such acknowledgments for holy days on the Church calendar). It actually pained my heart more than Mother’s Day this year. Why, I’m not precisely certain. But I think it did. Because of my history and because of my exposure to so many many hurting couples (who experience various forms of infertility and loss), it just ached in my heart. I hurt not only for my husband who has had to bury seven of his beloved children (and who has had to watch his wife suffer such grief, which has been such a burden for him to bear), but also for other men I know who ache to have children and to hold their babies on this side of heaven. But Father’s Day was yet sweet for us, too. It included a special meal (steak and potatoes and wine, to boot) and gifts and fresh cherry pie as one way to honor my husband, the father of my sweet little brood of nine. While they can’t all smother him in kisses, scribble him Father’s Day cards, or climb into bed for morning tickle games before church, I am quite certain that every one of these children honored and loved their daddy. I don’t know if they could possibly know how much he sacrificed for them… but I know. And it grows my respect and love for him all the time. Watching him father and parent these nine children has been a true privilege (if not bittersweet), and I am thankful that God has given such a precious gift to me. I can’t imagine mothering these little saints beside anyone else. The Lord is merciful indeed!

But okay, back to my original thought. Habakkuk 3:17 talks about unfruitfulness, barrenness, things that ought to grow but aren’t. And yet in the midst of that fruitlessness (when, in fact, we may have been not only hoping for but truly expecting much fruitfullness!), it emphasizes praising the Lord and rejoicing in Him. It doesn’t say that we need to rejoice in the barrenness. It says that despite the barrenness, we rejoice in the Lord. How beautiful!!

The mention of “vine” also made me think of Psalm 128. Of course that’s Gabriel’s favorite psalm right now, and he sings it a dozen times a day on average. 🙂 We even sang it at our wedding four years ago. We sang it at one of Gabriel’s baby showers. And we’ve sung it in our home countless times during our life together. But the words are always bittersweet to me. I have wondered how I could be called a fruitful vine (Psalm 128:3 says “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table”) when my womb has failed to bring forth fruit season after season after season. Of course everyone consoles me with the idea that “fruitful” doesn’t just mean “fruit of the womb” (although in the context of that verse, it certainly seems connected, doesn’t it?), but it means fruitful in service, in ministry, in wifehood, etc. In so many areas that aren’t limited just to motherhood. Okay fine. But you know what? As far as the womb goes, my fruitfulness has been so different from what I had always expected it to be!! In the postmillennial view of things where heaven is what matters I have been incredibly fruitful. 🙂 More fruitful than I ever planned on being! We certainly weren’t thinking I would be the mother of nine children. So in that sense, God had planned way more fruitfulness for me than I had imagined! But in the short-term sense as far as life and ministry on earth, I have been so much less fruitful than we had expected. To have my body physically incapable of carrying seven of our children to term is incredibly deflating, to say the least. It makes me feel way beyond fruitless. It makes me feel like a dead, rotting vine that spreads disease to any grape that dares to try to grow upon it.

And that feeling can be very debilitating to me sometimes. (more than sometimes…)

But you know what I was reminded of while singing the meditation this morning? In some sense, fruitlessness doesn’t even matter. If the fruit is not on the vine, blessed be the name of the Lord anyway. I don’t have to find joy in my lack of fruit on the vine, but I can still find joy in the Lord regardless of my lack of fruit. Despite the recurrent miscarriages that have plagued our home for years, the Lord has been our joy. He has, indeed, caused us to walk upon His high places! Even in the midst of incredible grief, He has lifted us out of the mire and sustained us.

And that is beautiful. That is worth shouting from the rooftops to the entire world. I may not have had the best harvest off my vine over the last couple years, but the Lord has been praised in our household anyway, by the strength of His sovereign grace.

So, friends, as I remember my children today ~specifically our little Hosanna boy~ and as I honored my husband (and our fathers) and as I welcomed the balming presence of Baby Nine on this day… I rejoiced in the Lord, for He is faithful in all circumstances, regardless of whether there is fruit on the vine.

AMEN!!

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Ministering at Home

Something I have long believed in very strongly is that my greatest mission field (at this point in my life especially) is right here on the home-front. In my own home. Amongst my own family. I impact generations by what I do today.

People so often emphasize the mission field or even ministering in your local church that often the enormous ministry of ministering at home is overlooked, or—at the very least—under-emphasized.

I was brought to tears (call it raging hormones if you must) by Rachel Jankovic’s beautiful descriptions and timely encouragement in this arena today as I read an article she guest-posted at Desiring God.
Please click here and read this wonderful source of truth and exhortation.

“At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.”

“Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.”

Amen!! May the Lord mightily equip us in our homes as we share the gospel, effect His Kingdom for generations, and sacrifice our very selves daily for the furthering of His glory.

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Photo Shoot

A week ago we had a little photo shoot, since we had our east-coast-family visiting us. It was wonderful to have my brother share his talent and time with us! We got so many beautiful pictures of various poses and groupings… but here are just a couple that I can share with you here.

Photos courtesy of Colin D. Bennett Photography, (c) 2011
My little family.

Us with Steven’s parents.

All of us together.

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Worthwhile Reads

Occasionally I run across some particularly good things to read, usually pertaining to the death of babies and the grief that follows. Especially when they are solid Christian writings.

Although it has been over six months since we said goodbye to our littlest boy, Hosanna Praise, and even longer since we said goodbye to six of his older siblings, the grief still comes and goes. I spend a good amount of time on a daily basis praying for women (and their families) who are suffering bereavement, moderating loss forums, penpalling with freshly grieving parents, and sharing information regarding various research and treatment and medical stuff. So no matter how much time passes from the moments I last held each of my babies, I still continue to walk in the steps of grief: whether it is my own, or whether it is bearing the burdens of others. Some days it is positively burdensome. I know that makes sense, since bearing one another’s burdens is exactly that: burdensome. But I rely on the Lord’s strength (and my sweet husby’s) to help me carry these burdens, as I often feel like I am just so weak: most definitely too weak to carry all of this on my own. Weak shoulders, weak hands, weak knees, weak heart. I praise the Lord for being my strength, and for providing a husband who aids me in ministering to others by sharing their burdens of grief.

Anyway… two articles that I have read this week have been particularly good reads. Worthwhile, especially if you are–or someone you know is–a bereaved parent.

One.

Two.

Some of the phrases that stuck out to me as being literally pages from my own heart & life transcribed by someone else into these articles (emphases mine):

God did eventually heal some of our sorrow on His timetable.

Through it all, we found that a sovereign God cannot be trusted to negotiate, but He can be trusted.

…trite and easy answers don’t satisfy, but the deep and mysterious sovereignty of God settles the soul [it doesn’t fix things or make it go away, but it does settle the soul]. When things were out of our control, they were never out of God’s control.

…not only is your baby gone, but so are the dreams you had for him. That’s a tough void to fill.

The battle was won by grief, of all things. We learned how to truly grieve in those days and months. There were times at night when [we] were just too tired to offer much support and we just laid there listening to one another cry. We cried a lot, day and night it seemed.   But we clung defiantly to hope for better days, and grief can be a powerful ally when accompanied by hope.

In a way we still grieve with hope, though we long for the day when neither grief nor hope will be necessary.

…we have chosen never to speak again of the death of our son as a “loss.” We didn’t lose our boy—he is absolutely safe in the arms of Jesus.

I had to learn that although I am weak, God is sufficient.

I would offer a special word of counsel to husbands whose wives have recently experienced the loss of a child:  She needs you now and she will need you for years to come. She needs your hand, your ear, your heart, your compassion, your tears, your attention, your encouragement, your faith, your courage, your love, your leadership, and your understanding (1 Peter 3:7). And you need hers, too.

I know it feels like the fight of your life and you can’t imagine ever recovering. In a lot of ways, you won’t. But that’s okay. Because He lives, better days are still ahead.

The tears would come trickling down my cheeks. I made no sound. These tears were too painful for noise. They came from the very depths of my soul. The anguish I felt pushed so hard on my shoulders, I feared it would crush my heart. My arms literally ached to hold my baby.

We will never forget our baby. Every [year], we will rejoice at our baby’s return to our Lord. Every Thanksgiving we will remember to give thanks for all [our] children.

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Strong Faith

“The only way to learn strong faith is to endure great trials.
I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.”

~George Mueller

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Music for Little Saints

Psalm 9:11
“Sing praises to the LORD, who sits enthroned in Zion!
Tell among the peoples His deeds!”

A number of weeks ago I wrote about how I have been trying to incorporate the Small Child’s Catechism into my discipleship of Gabriel. We haven’t added lots of questions yet, but we’ve got a handful & they’re down pat. Gabriel has also turned a corner in suddenly asking all kinds of questions: mostly about God and heaven and respect and obedience… you know, super good stuff that really challenges this mommy to learn how to put big concepts of Truth into phrases and littler concepts that he can understand and absorb.

Anyway… one of my friends pointed out something in a comment on that previous post that I wanted to follow up on. Music is a truly excellent way to work on discipling our little saints. It’s a truth that I have clung to for years! Back when I was a little girl in Sunday School I struggled to memorize the weekly Bible verses. I have never been known for having a good memory, and memorizing passages of Scripture has certainly never come easily for me. But my dad knew precisely how to help: put the words to music, and I could memorize anything. So he, being a very creative dad/guitarist, would come up with tunes for my verses so that I could literally sing them to my teachers. You know, so I could obtain that oh-so-important piece of candy (or whatever the incentive was…) like the rest of the kids.

Memorizing songs has always been the best way for me to memorize anything. Scripture is no exception. It’s still like that for me even today. I know Psalms better than any other book of the Bible because we have spent over a dozen years singing through psalms in The Book of Psalms for Singing and in Cantus Christi. I also can remember all kinds of random pieces of Scripture that my dad put to music when I was little that he would sing with me and for me almost every day of the year (sweet memories). Things like Isaiah 26:3 and John 17.

Psalm 30:4
“Sing praises to the LORD, O you His saints,
and give thanks to His holy name.”

Gabriel has shown a love of, and talent for, music since he was extremely tiny. He comes by it naturally. 🙂 But we have also worked to inculcate a culture of music into our home ~ specifically Christian music. Now, when I was particularly young, I remember singing along with Psalty the Singing Songbook and The Donut Man ~ and yes, I can still sing some of those ones too! 😉 And while there is nothing wrong with them that I can think of, they aren’t necessarily the best. And why would I want my own son, this little saint who has been entrusted to our care, to have anything but the best I can find for him? Of course, obviously, “the best” will be highly subjective and that’s okay too. My job is to train him for the Kingdom to the best of my ability by God’s grace, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. My responsibility is before God. Just like yours is. The Lord gives us each wisdom, He directs each of us, and He provides things for our families ~ so I recognize that what may be best for us may not necessarily be best for you.

Psalm 89:1
“I will sing of the steadfast love of the LORD, forever;
with my mouth I will make known Your faithfulness to all generations.”

Filling up our home and our car with Scripture set to music has been such a blessing for us! How thankful I am that I get Scripture stuck in my head throughout the day. What could be better?! Well, I can top that for you: I am even more thankful that I hear my little boy singing Scripture throughout the day. Ah, the glories of a little saint who loves the Lord and loves His music! Gabriel mostly sings music from the Cantus, since that is what he most often hears his parents sing (at church, family worship, bedtime, etc). He knows the Sanctus, the Gloria Patri, the Lord’s Prayer, God that Madest Earth and Heaven, Holy Holy Holy, Psalm 128… I know there are more but they’re slipping my mind at the moment. All this to say: it is truly glorious and rather humbling to hear these praises streaming from the mouth of a little three year old boy from hour to hour throughout the day. He literally goes to bed singing, wakes up singing, and sings two dozen times in-between. During meals, we often have to remind him that he ought to finish eating before he starts another song. 😉

Psalm 98:4
“Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth;
break forth into joyous song and sing praises!”

Another way that we have recently been saturating our home with Scripture put to music, is by the ABC Bible Memory Verse Songs CD that I reviewed not long ago for a homeschooling magazine. I have been delighted to memorize these, and am eager to see Gabriel start memorizing them more as well.

A longer-standing musical presence in our CD library has been a collection of discs by Jamie Soles. While Gabriel used to prefer the more child-geared CDs like “Fun and Prophets” and “The Way My Story Goes” (which have lots of Bible stories put to music, lists of the kings of Israel, the geneology of Christ, the Apostles’ Creed, the books of the Bible, etc) he has recently shown a bigger fondness for the Scripture-set-to-music discs like “Pure Words” and “Ascending.” These are excellent resources for ways to hide the Word in your heart, saturate your children with words inspired by the Spirit, and fill your home with tasteful music.

A few months ago we were given a CD by Nathan Clark George called “Pull Up A Chair.” Our favorite songs on the disc are the ones that are straight from Scripture, or close to it. But his music is another resource for good music for the whole family; not only the texts but the music as well.

I have heard of other good music resources specifically geared toward kids, such as Songs for Saplings and Seeds Family Worship. I have never yet gotten my hands on any of those discs, but have listened to some clips online and think they might be fairly good as well.

Psalm 104:33
“I will sing to the LORD as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have being.”

I love having music geared for children, but I am an even bigger fan of having music that is appropriate for the entire family. If I’m going to have a little ditty stuck in my head all day, I don’t want it to be something meaningless and annoying (like Pop Goes The Weasel or The Wheels On The Bus or whatever else we all grew up singing!) when I could have it be wonderful gospel-truths or portions straight from Scripture. Teaching our children how to praise God with their hearts and their words and their songs is such an incredible responsibility, privilege, and joy.
How excellent it is to have good things filling our hearts and flowing out from our mouths ~ not to mention, the hearts and mouths of the littles in our homes.

Psalm 8:1-2
“O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is Your name in all the earth!
You have set Your glory above the heavens.
Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
You have established strength because of Your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.”

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Gabriel’s Kipper Party!

For Gabriel’s third birthday party, we did a Kipper theme. Gabriel loves Kipper ~ Kipper is a British cartoon dog character. He watches the Kipper shows on Netflix, has Kipper books and toys, and now a Kipper t-shirt! So anyway, we had a Kipper party. I did what I could (without wanting to spend the big bucks of ordering supplies from England!) to bring Kipper into our party, and stuck with a color theme of orange, white, and brown (like Kipper!) for everything else. Some of us even dressed according to the color scheme for the party. 🙂

At any rate, the party was a hit. So was the kid-friendly food. And although we didn’t end up playing Pin-The-Tail-On-Kipper, doing the Kipper coloring pages I had, or watching one of the birthday episodes of Kipper… it was still pretty well Kipper-saturated, and Gabriel thought it was peachy. And that’s obviously the point.

This morning while I decorated cupcakes, Gabriel enjoyed a breakfast of chocolate milk and a donut topped with mini m&ms. 🙂

I had a good time planning all the set-up, decorations, and necessities. The birthday banner (birthday #3!), paper circle garlands made from orange & brown scrapbook paper hung here & there, orange & white balloons that were decorated with sharpie & pictures of Kipper, bottles of root beer and orange juice boxes (for brown & orange drinks), orange straws (some striped, some solid), bundles of napkins & utensils packaged together with orange & brown scrapbook paper & topped with a Kipper image, a picture of Kipper on the wall, Kipper’s birthday book & Kipper himself set up on the table, etc. And then of course the orange and brown food: grilled cheese sandwiches (on dark brown bread that I colored with molasses, cocoa, and rye), mac & cheese (from the box! <gasp>), orange fruit salad (mandarin oranges, peaches, and cantaloupe), pretzels & Cheetos, and carrot sticks (leftover from my garden last year).

It rained off & on today, but we were able to have some of the party outside: mostly the present-opening and lots of playing.

When we came inside to eat lunch, the kids were going to eat picnic-style on the floor until Grandpapa brought in the birthday gift he made for our boy ~ his very own little table and chairs! What a hit! Gabriel immediately loved it. Now it’s set up in our family room, and I am envisioning all kinds of eating and playing and coloring and homeschooling adventures at this tabletop.

Finally it was cupcake time, although Gabriel was so immersed in playing with new things that he didn’t even want to eat his cupcake until rather a bit later. 😉 Although I had wanted to make some kind of fancy Kipper cake or specially decorated cupcakes (remember the alligator cake from last year??), this was all I had in me to pull off this year. Thankfully Gabriel loved it, simplicity and all. And I was able to bring orange and brown to the cupcakes, and Kipper to the little toothpick flags I made. Perfect. Our little birthday prince thinks so too. xoxo

More to come, after the actual birthday on Monday…