Gabriel loves to cook dinner for us sometimes.
He was making “sammiches” this time. Pizza and cinnamon roll sammiches. 😀
He even asked us to sit at the table and partake of them together. And of course, he likes to bless the food.
Oh blue-eyed boy, how Mommy loves you!
“Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea.”
Last evening our church hosted a beautiful Ladies’ Tea to celebrate the end of a year of monthly fellowship nights where we encouraged one another in the joy of Christ. Over the year, we discussed the book “When I Don’t Desire God; How to Fight for Joy” by John Piper as well as discussed other things from Scripture, one another’s lives, and God’s beautiful gifts around us. While I was usually doing table decorations for each monthly meeting, as well as setup & teardown, this time I delegated those roles and took on some different jobs (the above picture is a portion of the room and some of the girls who were setting up and decorating, for whom I am so thankful). I was in charge of doing something the leaders called “Joy Overflowing” ~ which is where one woman shares something she loves, enjoys, excels at, is passionate about, etc. and I was asked to share “The Joy of Tea.” While I was nervous about it beforehand, I really enjoyed it in the end.
Everyone signed up to bring different types of food that you might find at High Tea: savories (meats, stuffed mushrooms, tea sandwiches, vegetable platters, canapes…), scones (we had ginger scones with nutmeg cream and cranberry scones with homemade jam), and sweets (chocolates, tartlets, cupcakes, shortbread cookies…).
I brought the cranberry scones, made with this recipe (I got about 45 scones out of one recipe, as I made them tea-size, i.e. small). They turned out really well and were a hit.
And, perhaps the most exciting part, has to do with a company I am newly in love with called Blackflower & Company. This is a small business owned & operated by friends of mine in CA (I grew up together with the wife). When I asked her if they would be interested in donating a giveaway for the event, in hopes of helping their marketing endeavors, they offered to sponsor the entire evening for us! They sent the most delicious teas (we chose three flavors: Signature Chai, Earl Grey, and Relaxation Tisane) for the evening, which were so fun to brew, pour, smell, sip, swallow, and enjoy. Mmmm. In addition to some pretty amazing loose leaf teas (and my mother & I know tea fairly well, so when we say it gets our true and devoted stamp of approval, you’ve got to believe that it is that delicious!), they also have an assortment of tea accessories, like the most adorable little teapots! I got to see one of the little teapots in person, as they sent a personal-sized blueberry-colored teapot for one of the giveaways. Oh, I wanted to win that giveaway. 😉
Not only is the website classy, their products both beautiful & scrumptious, but their packaging is perfect (resealable bags for the tea, to keep the loose leaf tea airtight if you don’t use it all at once), their service prompt, and they are incredibly helpful in the Customer Service realm. In addition, they do something called Giving Back codes, and they made one for us! So if you order something from Blackflower & Company (as you know you want to!), if you enter CCSpokane (yes, you) in the coupon code box when checking out, $1 for every $10 you spend goes as a donation to our church. What a generous gesture and blessing!
At any rate, our ladies’ tea event was a huge success last night. Everyone enjoyed the fellowship, the food, the elegance, the teas themselves (I’m pretty sure earl grey was actually the top-choice last night, although I really just heard good-gushing all around!), the giveaways, the talk on The Joy of Tea, and the encouragement to continue seeking joy in the Lord… and I am so thankful that I was able to help coordinate the event and shower blessings upon these women.
(And if I get better pictures from the photographer who was there last night, I will add them. I am ashamed to admit that I was so busy boiling water and doing my presentation and cleaning up that my poor camera was horribly neglected. Sigh.)
I don’t suppose this is a day that is well-known really to anyone, especially someone who is not involved in online communities for bereaved mothers. But I wanted to briefly mention it anyway.
Today is International Babylost Mother’s Day. A day when mothers are honored, even when their babies are no longer in their wombs or arms.
Next Sunday will be the big one. The Mother’s Day where all of us (in the US at least) will do something for our mothers, maybe even our sisters or grandmothers, and for those who have borne a child, where something sweet may even be done for us. But Mother’s Day is bittersweet for some of us. For those of us who have babies that we can no longer hold, the day holds reminders of emptiness. Of grief. Of those babies who we so desperately miss & anxiously await reunion with. While those memories are beautiful in their own right, they are tainted.
I remember my first Mother’s Day. I didn’t know about Babylost Mother’s Day back then. But on the second Sunday in May of 2008, my mother gave me a pair of earrings with little pink pearls. Two pearls, she said; one for each of my babies. One was in my womb and the other was in heaven. It was so bittersweet, and so beautiful, to be acknowledged as a mother of two. Because it’s true.
Someone walking around the store might not know I’m a mother of nine, especially when they see how young I am or see just Gabriel as my companion. But today, on Babylost Mother’s Day, I remember my seven children specifically who are no longer here with us on earth; I also remember the dozens (hundreds, probably, if I include all the women I know and minister to online) of babies of friends who are also no longer here. I honor those stalwart women today. For walking this road none of us have chosen for ourselves. And for loving our babies enough to acknowledge them, and to acknowledge ourselves as their mothers.
Next week, I will rejoice over all nine of my children. I will rejoice over my mother. I will rejoice over my mother in law. My grandma. My sisters-in-law. I will thank God for the gift of their motherhood, for the blessing they are to their children.
But for today, it is a lesser-known day. Almost a hidden, silent day. Everyone seems to want to attain admittance into the world of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day… but Babylost Mother’s Day isn’t a holiday that anyone desired to know. Nobody wants to be included here.
God knows. He bottles our tears. He cradles our covenant-babies in His arms. He has vanquished death, and it will therefore not have the final victory.
Psalm 139:13-16
“For You formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.”
We have new life in Christ! What a blessing ~ what a miracle!
And we have new life in the womb! Another blessing ~ and a sort of miracle of its own!
Although I wasn’t planning on spilling the beans quite yet (although we’ve known for a number of weeks, I was trying to keep a semblance of a secret for once…), my husband jumped back into the world of blogging today and opened the can. So in case anyone happened to peek over there, I figured I had better do it too.
Happy Easter, friends. Happy praying. Happy rejoicing. Happy living together in light of the Resurrection.
He is risen, indeed!!
Mark 16:6
“He has risen; He is not here.”
This morning our Gabriel learned the proper response (“He is risen indeed”), and although he didn’t do it with the congregation, he did do it in a couple of private encounters. Very sweet. This morning when he woke up he wanted me to crawl in bed with him (I happily obliged), and we talked about what Easter is, and who Jesus is, and what the Resurrection means for us ~ not only with our salvation and our own eternal lives but how it also means that we will be reunited with all of his brothers and sisters someday! That knowledge has sat with us all day; it is humbling and comforting.
Because our Brother and Priest, the Lord Jesus Christ, has risen and conquered death ~ He completely, totally vanquished sin ~ we not only claim the Resurrection for ourselves through our union with Christ, but we also have hope through faith that we will be reunited with our children. What anticipation I have for that beautiful moment. What a sweet facet of Glory that is that I look forward to!
All because of Christ. Because of His sacrifice. Because of His pain and suffering. Because of His conquering power. Because of His eternal life and resurrected body! Because He was no longer there when they looked in the tomb!
John 20:1-18
“Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” So Peter went out with the other disciple, and they were going toward the tomb. Both of them were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. And stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen cloths lying there, and the face cloth, which had been on Jesus’ head, not lying with the linen cloths but folded up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the Scripture, that he must rise from the dead. Then the disciples went back to their homes.
But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned and said to him in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher). Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'” Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”—and that he had said these things to her.”
~~~~
Now let the vault of Heav’n resound
In praise of love that doth abound,
“Christ hath triumphed, alleluia!”
Sing, choirs of angels, loud and clear,
Repeat their song of glory here,
“Christ hath triumphed, Christ hath triumphed!”
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.
Eternal is the gift He brings,
Wherefore our heart with rapture sings,
“Christ hath triumphed, Jesus liveth!”
Now doth He come and give us life,
Now doth His presence still all strife
Through His triumph; Jesus reigneth!
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.
O fill us, Lord, with dauntless love;
Set heart and will on things above
That we conquer through Thy triumph,
Grant grace sufficient for life’s day
That by our life we ever say,
“Christ hath triumphed, and He liveth!”
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.
Adoring praises now we bring
And with the heavenly blessèd sing,
“Christ hath triumphed, Alleluia!”
Be to the Father, and our Lord,
To Spirit blest, most holy God,
Thine the glory, never ending!
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
~~~~
Psalm 16
“Preserve me, O God, for in You I take refuge. I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from You.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
You hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let Your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in Your presence there is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
~~~~
I have often thought about the significance of Saturday. The day between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. The day of limbo. Waiting and wondering. Stuck between the shock of Friday’s death and the shock of Sunday’s life. A day of the unknown.
I’ve frequently felt like my life is a record repeating the chorus of Saturday. The grief keeps coming and the resurrection hasn’t surprised me yet. Death continues to come, but new life hasn’t. Stuck in Saturday: uncertain of what’s ahead. Lots of waiting and wondering. Feeling like life may forever be in the realm of “limbo.” Feeling shocked and numbed by the death that just surprised us.
One of my friends, who I have never met in person but who I have prayed for/with for a year and a half now across a three thousand mile distance, wrote an article that so beautifully, succinctly, and accurately captures the feeling of being stuck in Saturday. She says it so much better than I could.
“Saturday begins when the worst pain is behind you, but a throbbing ache has taken its place. When the sun dares to shine, but your world is still dark. When the abuse is in the past, but not the hurt and shame. When you are no longer hemorrhaging, but neither are you healed. When the rest of the world expects you to be over it, but you’re not.”
Click here for the full article; you will be blessed.
May the Lord be with you today on the Saturday which reminds us of the Saturday His disciples and His family endured & grieved indescribably, when His enemies gloated and His opposers rejoiced ~ but no one knew what was coming. Nobody knew. May our Resurrected Lord remind you today to remember that limbo. And to look ahead not with doubt and fear but with hope and faith, for He does all things well. And living in the post-Resurrection era, we have the blessing of seeing and knowing that to a glorious extent.
O Jesus, Who by reason of Thy burning love for us
hast willed to be crucified
and to shed Thy Most Precious Blood
for the redemption and salvation of our souls,
look down upon us here gathered together
in remembrance of Thy most sorrowful Passion and Death,
fully trusting in Thy mercy;
cleanse us from sin by Thy grace,
sanctify our toil,
give unto us and unto all those who are dear to us our
daily bread,
sweeten our sufferings,
bless our families,
and to the nations so sorely afflicted,
grant Thy peace,
which is the only true peace,
so that by obeying Thy commandments
we may come at last to the glory of heaven.
Amen.
~~~
Giver of all, another day is ended and I take my place beneath my great redeemer’s cross, where healing streams continually descend, where balm is poured into every wound, where I wash anew in the all-cleansing blood, assured that Thou seest in me no spots of sin. Yet a little while and I shall go to Thy home and be no more seen; help me to gird up the loins of my mind, to quicken my step, to speed as if each moment were my last, that my life be joy, my death glory.
I thank Thee for the temporal blessings of this world—the refreshing air, the light of the sun, the food that renews strength, the raiment that clothes, the dwelling that shelters, the sleep that gives rest, the starry canopy of night, the summer breeze, the flowers’ sweetness, the music of flowing streams, the happy endearments of family, kindred, friends. Things animate, things inanimate, minister to my comfort. My cup runs over. Suffer me not to be insensible to these daily mercies. Thy hand bestows blessings: Thy power averts evil. I bring my tribute of thanks for spiritual graces, the full warmth of faith, the cheering presence of Thy Spirit, the strength of Thy restraining will, Thy spiking of hell’s artillery. Blessed be my sovereign Lord!
Amen.
On Tuesday a gathering of saints from our church gathered on a strip of grass along the sidewalk outside of our local Planned Parenthood Abortion center. We did the same thing two weeks prior. As part of the Forty Days For Life campaign, we participated in opposing abortion. No signs, no picketing. Lots of Scripture, lots of singing, lots of responsive prayers: worship. We pursued war on evil through worship.
In order to explain to Gabriel what we were doing in simple, but not too direct, terms, we told him that we were going there to ask God to stop the evil. So every so often Gabriel would pray all on his own, “Please God, stop the evil!”
Psalm 8:2
“Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.”
It is an emotionally charged thing to stand in front of an abortion clinic, to worship and seek the Lord’s justice, and to see people going & coming from the clinic. I guess it never really hit me that actual people actually go there and actually kill their babies. It’s so different than just hearing about Planned Parenthood; different than knowing our country supports abortion. To stand outside of that building and see people coming & going… it made it real to me.
Sometimes people would drive by and honk their horns in a friendly way, wave out their windows, even shout God bless you to us. Other times people would honk in a loud, unfriendly way or yell obscenities out their windows at us. On Tuesday, one guy marched right up and started yelling at us while we were in the midst of singing “The Son of God Goes Forth to War” because he is sick of people being there, parking in front of his house, making a presence there.
And we keep right on praying, singing, worshipping.
Father, we know that You are a jealous God. You visit the iniquity of the fathers on the children on the third and fourth generations of those that hate You. Abortion is your judgment upon our land. Forgive your church’s failure to be a light to the wicked in America. Forgive the fathers in Your church who have paved the way for abortion by failing to shepherd their sons and daughters. Abortion is Your judgment upon us. You have allowed sinful men to murder their own children. But you hate hands that shed innocent blood. End the murder O God. In wrath, remember mercy. Hosanna Lord, Hosanna! Save now! But for all those destined to not know salvation we therefore pray that you would bring judgment. We pray that You would act swiftly! Amen!
We prayed Psalm 94. We sang, among other things, Psalm 2, Psalm 18, Psalm 80, Psalm 83.
Keep in remembrance, O Lord, the tempted, the distressed, and the erring; particularly those mothers who would sin against You by murdering their children through abortion. And those fathers, parents, friends, politicians, doctors, social workers and any others who would either encourage the mothers to commit murder or would acquiesce to their wishes to do so. Keep them from following through with their wicked designs which lead to judgment, guilt and death. Guide them by Your great goodness and bring them instead into the way of peace, truth and life. Let the light of Your truth shine on them that they may be turned toward You and come to know You and so find peace. Deliver them from the bondage of their sin into the glorious liberty of the children of God; for the sake of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen!
Psalm 94:16-23
“Who rises up for me against the wicked?
Who stands up for me against evildoers?
If the LORD had not been my help,
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
When I thought, “My foot slips,”
Your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up.
When the cares of my heart are many,
Your consolations cheer my soul.
Can wicked rulers be allied with You,
those who frame injustice by statute?
They band together against the life of the righteous
and condemn the innocent to death.
But the LORD has become my stronghold,
and my God the rock of my refuge.
He will bring back on them their iniquity
and wipe them out for their wickedness;
the LORD our God will wipe them out.”
And so we pray. And so we sing. Thus, we worship. And we effect warfare. In a loud, four-part-harmonized, bold way ~ complete with all ages of children worshipping and warring at our sides ~ we are beseeching the Lord to hear, to vindicate, to act, to stop the evil of abortion.
Hear, O Lord, hear us as we seek Your face and Your deliverance!
We’re starting to jump in to home-building things now that the world around us has thawed out! Today my husband and my dad installed the pump into our well and now we officially have water on our property! (which means we can get our building permit now!)
And then, just for your pure entertainment, I took pictures from our building site for y’all.
This is where our house will be.
This will be the view out my front door (except that tiny tree right there will probably disappear):
This will be the view out my kitchen:
This will be the view from our backyard, and way back there through the trees up on a hill is my parents’ house:
One thing I spend a lot of time praying about is the discipling I do with my Gabriel. Discipline is obviously important and we spend a lot of time praying about that & implementing that also. But discipling is huge. And I don’t want to limit myself to modern evangelical, super-sappy, watered-down versions of teaching my son about Scripture, about God, about his salvation, about the body of Christ, about theology… This child doesn’t need to be fed watered-down milk. This child needs steak! Obviously not an entire steak thrown in front of him, because he doesn’t necessarily know how to properly wield a steak-knife and fork yet on his own. But I will feed him steak. I will help him cut it into pieces appropriately sized for his ingestion. I will instruct him on how to chew it, what swallowing it does, and how it nourishes our bodies. And of course we might occasionally wash it down with a glass of milk, especially if the steak gets a little too chewy or chunky in the throat. I have no problem with that. (I’m using Hebrews 5:12-14 & 1 Cor 3:2 as some inspiration for the metaphor, in case you didn’t pick up on that yet. 😉 )
But my endeavor, my goal, is to bring my son up on the hearty solid food of the Word. On steak and wine. Not on watered down milky psuedo-Scripture and psuedo-theology.
How that will look over time, I can not precisely tell you at this point. It’s a fluid concept. It will grow as he grows and as I grow (and as we grow as a family).
One way that I am striving to instill good theology into my toddler (who is not yet three years old) is by catechizing him. We are using this catechism right now, and Gabriel is quickly learning the answers; and I love having little discussions with him about it, as we chew and swallow and enjoy and are nourished. On a childlike level of real steak and wine. Little bites. Little sips. But truly nourishing, delicious, and delighting.
