Author: joyfuldomesticity

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Thank You

1 Thessalonians 1:2-3
We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

I am overwhelmed with thankfulness right now for the outpouring of love and prayers you have surrounded us with. We were covered by your prayers when I was pregnant with Hosanna Praise, and now we continue to be covered by your prayers as we grieve the loss of our little child. I can not aptly describe to you the depth of thankfulness in my heart. The body of Christ has been showing us such tangible love. It brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for the comments you leave here on my blog ~ that means so much to me. Your words of encouragement and godly affection, sympathy and exhortation bless my heart. And bless my family. Thank you! Some of you have sent flowers and cards, some have brought food (I am just about to nibble on shortbread drizzled with chocolate) ~ thank you for these tangible gifts as well.

Most of all, thank you for being willing to sit in the ash heap with us as we mourn the death of our youngest child. Thank you for not ignoring our grief. Thank you for acknowledging that life is not peachy. Thank you for knowing that our grief will not be gone quickly, that our hearts will still be desperately hurting in a week, a month, two months, etc. Thank you for being with us and for promising to remain with us in this incredibly hard journey. Thank you for not being bashful about our pain. Thank you for not glossing over our tremendous grief.

Please know that we thank God for each of you. And that we sincerely appreciate the efforts you put forth into ministering to us. You are blessing this part of the body of Christ. Thank you for being the arms of Christ to us.

And for those of you who were specifically praying for me today (thank you for that!), I am physically stable. I am in bed, cared for by my darling husband and doting mother. And feeling the blessings of God around me, even while my broken heart bleeds through the tears streaming down my face.

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Hosanna Praise

Psalm 109:26
Help me, O LORD my God!
Save me according to Your steadfast love!

Come and mourn and grieve with us. Mourn over the passing from this life to the next of your co-heir eternal, Hosanna Praise. Grieve with us in our heartache and loss. We pray that God would give us the faith of Job. May God grant that we might be a story of praise, as we cry out to God, “Hosanna!” Save Lord!

We would ask that you would keep us in your prayers. The wounds from losing yet another child burn deeply. We know that our God is good, and we know that He works all things together for good for those who love Him. But in times like these, that knowledge can hurt as much as it comforts. Please pray for us. Pray that we would mourn and grieve as is right for those in Christ to do. Pray that we would not fall prey to doubt, anger or despair. And pray that God would give us comfort, peace and love beyond our understanding. Pray that He would show Himself to us to be so much stronger than our weak and frail hope and faith.

May God take glory in our little Hosanna.

Isaiah 25:9
It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, that He might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for Him;
let us be glad and rejoice in His salvation.”

Isaiah 38:20
The LORD will save me, and we will play my music on stringed instruments
all the days of our lives, at the house of the LORD.

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Peace

Isaiah 26:3-4

You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.

Peace Nikonos, my precious little baby… a year ago today we saw your beautiful heartbeat. Your sweet little body floated in Mommy’s womb, and we watched you on the ultrasound machine. Just a few hours later, I held you in my hand and wept over you. Today I weep again, as I remember the happiness you brought us during your life, and the devastation that your death left behind. We know you are in perfect peace, and you have been made perfect through the righteousness of Christ, as you reign in the glories of heaven with Him. But I still miss you. Daddy misses you. And your big brother misses you. He says your name beautifully. I hope you welcomed your newest little sister with joy and blessing this week. Dance with her while I can’t. Praise the Lord together. My arms ache to hold you and my lips long to cover you with kisses. I hope I can do that when I reach heaven’s glories.


There really isn’t a day in my life that isn’t eclipsed by grief.

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Weeping

Psalm 143:1
Hear my prayer, O LORD;
give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In Your faithfulness answer me, in Your righteousness!

The ultrasound was so quick. I wanted to beg the doctor to let me just stare at our little baby for a while longer. But he gave me a little picture instead. Our baby had grown a bit. But her heartbeat had stopped. That beautiful flicker just wasn’t there. Sometime in the last couple days, without me even knowing it, Hosanna’s soul was whisked away to heaven by her heavenly Father.

If seven is the number of perfection, I plead with God to not make me endure more than this seventh miscarriage. It is too much to bear.

Too. Much.

I am shattered. Confused. Angry. Empty. Hurting. Broken.

Psalm 31:9
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eye is wasted from grief;
my soul and my body also.

I want to shake my fist at God. I know He is in control. And I know He had the power to grant life to this sweet baby. I know He could have kept that beautiful heart beating strong by a single breath from His mouth. So why does He choose not to? Why does He not intervene? How is this good?

These are rhetorical questions. Please don’t presume to answer them.

James 5:16
The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Proverbs 15:29
The LORD… hears the prayer of the righteous.

1 Peter 3:12
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and His ears are open to their prayer.

These verses have me going cross-eyed. My strength for prayer is waning at the moment. I guess I don’t doubt that He hears us. But, again, I wonder why He answers the way He does. I don’t expect to ever figure it out.

Please, nonetheless, pray for us.

We are thrown back into the throes of grief. Again. Such a familiar (and despised) place for us. Please pray for us as we grieve. And also as we must make unthinkable decisions now. Please, please uphold us before the throne of grace. I feel as though I can not even begin to utter pleas on my own.

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Praying, IV

Beware in your prayer, above everything, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do. Expect unexpected things, above all that we ask or think. Each time you intercede, be quiet first and worship God in His glory. Think of what He can do, of how He delights to hear Christ, of your place in Christ; and expect great things. –Andrew Murray

Oh Lord, my great Shepherd and the Shepherd of my children, cause me to believe with power, to not limit You in my prayers, to not presume to know Your greatness, and give me the courage this morning to expect the unexpected.

Do we know the power of our supernatural weapon? Do we dare to use it with the authority of a faith that commands as well as asks? God baptize us with holy audacity and Divine confidence! He is not wanting great men, but He is wanting men who will dare to prove the greatness of their God. But God! But prayer! –A. B. Simpson

Give me the faith to command with my prayers. Give me audacity and confidence through the righteousness of Christ with which I am clothed! Cause me to dare to prove how majestic and miraculous You are. Put words in my mouth this morning that will accomplish this.

1 Peter 5:6-11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Oh Lord, You humble us; please take away our anxieties this morning. The devil seeks to devour my soul, give me the strength to resist him now! Remind me, O Father, that regardless of today’s outcome, that we have a glorious hope for the future: including eternal glory, restoration, confirmation, strength, and establishment. Hallelujah!

Proverbs 3:1-2

My son, do not forget my teaching,
but let your heart keep my commandments,
for length of days and years of life
and peace they will add to you.

Heavenly King, I pray this for my Hosanna-Baby. Teach this little covenant child, even in its teeny-tiny state. Faith is a gift from You; teach this child in my womb, cause his or her heart to keep Your commandments. Add length of days and years of life to this child. Bring abundant peace to Hosanna.

Romans 8:6, 11

For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

Above all, my God, set my mind today on the Spirit. Give life through Your Spirit!! Give LIFE, O God!! Save, Lord!!

AMEN!!!

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Praying, III

2 Timothy 1:7

God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Oh God, allow us not to give in to a spirit of fear, but give us power by Your Spirit, love beyond measure, and self-control that we can not explain. Please fill us with Yourself and take away the dross that we feel threatening to choke us today.

Psalm 29:11

May the LORD give strength to His people!
May the LORD bless His people with peace!

Strengthen us today, Lord, in body and in faith. Build our spiritual & physical muscles. Bless us with peace that passes our understanding and that overflows from our hearts out our fingertips.

Isaiah 26:12

O LORD, You will ordain peace for us,
for You have indeed done for us all our works.

Among the nations, and in the sight of the Church as well as the heathen, O Lord, bring us peace. We do nothing without You. We have done nothing apart from Your ordained will. We continue to seek Your wisdom and ask for Your guidance. Prepare our footsteps and set our hands to the works You have ready for us. Give us peace as we move forward in whatever direction You are about to lead.

1 Kings 8:57

The LORD our God be with us, as He was with our fathers. May He not leave us or forsake us…

Be with us, God, today as we wait. Be with us, Lord, tonight as we try to sleep. Be with us, Father, tomorrow as we walk the hard steps into the doctor’s building and as I lie down upon the ultrasound table. Be with us, King of the universe, as our ears and eyes prepare to hear and see what news You will deliver us then.

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Praying, II

Psalm 115:3

Our God is in the heavens; He does all that He pleases.

Oh God who lives and reigns in heaven — be pleased to shower Your mercy and covenantal love upon us. Be pleased to grant life to our tiny child, and be pleased to show your miraculous works to the nations!

Isaiah 45:7

I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the LORD, who does all these things.

We know, Lord, that You are in control of all things. No matter what is contained in Your perfect will, it is Yours and it is perfect. Even when we can not see the breadth and depth and width of it as You can.

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.

As I struggle with the “blessed is the man who…” concepts in Psalms 127 & 128, I am encouraged by this “blessed is the man” concept. We are not exempt from Your blessings, Lord, simply because we have a very limited number of arrows in our quiver & olive shoots around our table. We praise You, O God! Cause us to remain steadfast, and cause our eyes to be upon the crown of life!

(And let me just add to that thought: earth is not the point. If earth were the point, I would be in total 100% despair. But earth is not the point. Life on earth is but a passing breath. In the eternal ranks of heaven, my olive shoots are many and my arrows are many! Thanks be to God!)

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Praying

As we go to war as the body of Christ, praying for the life of the baby in my womb — and as we anticipate the news on Thursday of whether the doctors are right or whether God is going to prove them majestically wrong — I want to share verses with you that are on this mommy’s heart as I pray for this child.

John 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him was not any thing made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Hebrews 11:3

By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.

With His words, with the Word, our God can sustain this baby’s life. With just a simple word. With a breath. With a vowel. It is not too hard for God.

Jeremiah 32:27

Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?

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Reformation Day Costumes

Our church had its annual Reformation Day party tonight, and the theme was Scotland. Thankfully we’ve got connections for great outfits. We may not have won the “best family costumes” award, but we were the most authentic, wearing outfits from Scotland and all that. :)

Here’s the evidence.

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Save, Lord!!

As of an hour ago, our Hosanna baby is alive!! However… The baby is measuring small. And the heartbeat is extremely slow.

If there is one thing I wasn’t really expecting to get out of the ultrasound today, it was ambivalence – and that’s exactly what God gave us. It’s better than “the worst” but it certainly isn’t what we had prayed for. The doctor was not overly hopeful.

Please beg God with us for a miracle.
Ask Him to preserve this precious little life.
This isn’t a medical problem – it is a child. Our child.

Oh God, save this baby! Hosanna in the highest! Save, Lord!!