Hear my prayer, O LORD;
give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In Your faithfulness answer me, in Your righteousness!
The ultrasound was so quick. I wanted to beg the doctor to let me just stare at our little baby for a while longer. But he gave me a little picture instead. Our baby had grown a bit. But her heartbeat had stopped. That beautiful flicker just wasn’t there. Sometime in the last couple days, without me even knowing it, Hosanna’s soul was whisked away to heaven by her heavenly Father.
If seven is the number of perfection, I plead with God to not make me endure more than this seventh miscarriage. It is too much to bear.
I am shattered. Confused. Angry. Empty. Hurting. Broken.
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eye is wasted from grief;
my soul and my body also.
I want to shake my fist at God. I know He is in control. And I know He had the power to grant life to this sweet baby. I know He could have kept that beautiful heart beating strong by a single breath from His mouth. So why does He choose not to? Why does He not intervene? How is this good?
These are rhetorical questions. Please don’t presume to answer them.
The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
The LORD… hears the prayer of the righteous.
1 Peter 3:12
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and His ears are open to their prayer.
These verses have me going cross-eyed. My strength for prayer is waning at the moment. I guess I don’t doubt that He hears us. But, again, I wonder why He answers the way He does. I don’t expect to ever figure it out.
Please, nonetheless, pray for us.
We are thrown back into the throes of grief. Again. Such a familiar (and despised) place for us. Please pray for us as we grieve. And also as we must make unthinkable decisions now. Please, please uphold us before the throne of grace. I feel as though I can not even begin to utter pleas on my own.