The Centrality of Scripture & The Prominence of Psalms

My friend Erin asked me to participate in a special blog party honoring our parents, highlighting our Christian heritage, and specifying ways that we want to pass that legacy on to the next generation. As she put it, today is our own little Honor Your Father And Your Mother Day. šŸ™‚ Deuteronomy 5:16, ā€œHonor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.ā€ At first, I had lots of little ideas rolling around in my head—there are lots of things that I appreciate about my Christian upbringing that are being passed down to the next generation already! I had a hard time coming up with just one thing to highlight. In fact, I wrote two [fairly different] posts in anticipation of this blog party, and will just post the second one at a later time. šŸ˜‰

When trying to think of something specific my parents did in their parenting that I am eager to do in my own—one of the main things that kept coming back to me was their constant spouting-off of Scripture. No joke: my parents had a Scripture for every situation. That simply taught me that Scripture applies to my every situation! It was a valuable lesson, and before I can remember it ever being specifically taught to me—it was simply exemplified for me.

My parents constantly reiterated the centrality of Scripture in our lives by word and deed. Deuteronomy 6:7, ā€œYou shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.ā€

I have always had trouble with my memory, and Sunday School memory verses were a terrible stress for me as a young girl. So my dad came up with a handy solution—put the verse to music, and I would have it memorized in about ten minutes. My father was always quick to help me with Scripture, not only memorizing them in word but showing me how to apply them in my life, relationships, attitudes, joys, and struggles.

When my brother and I were older, beginning to try out our wings, my mother continued to bathe us in the Word. In fact, she would put little sticky notes with a new Scripture for each day on the steering wheel of my brother’s car and on the mirror in my bathroom. She never failed to encourage us with those little sticky papers covered in handwritten Scripture—in fact, I still have a collection of them that I simply didn’t want to part with.

These are just a couple of little ways that I want to likewise shower Scripture upon my child(ren). I want to help Gabriel memorize Scripture, whether it is to music or not, much like my father did for me. And I want to give him Scriptures for specific days and specific trials, much like my mother did for me. I want to emphasize the completeness and coherency of Scripture for everything God ordains in my life and the lives of my children. 2 Timothy 3:16, ā€œAll Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.ā€

Besides emphasizing the centrality of Scripture in general, my parents also emphasized (through word sometimes, but largely through example) the prominence of the Psalms. In prayer, in singing, in encouragement, in exhortation—Psalms were just a part of our daily life. Colossians 3:16, ā€œLet the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.ā€ I have learned to cling to this precious book of the Bible more than any other, as it encompasses everything I could imagine! What a beautiful prayer book. What a stout song book. What a timely encouragement book. What an honest story book.

I want to continue singing Psalms with and to Gabriel, reading them with him (two of his favorite books already are Psalm 127 and Psalm 103), encouraging & exhorting him with them throughout his life—both childhood and adulthood. I want to keep praying Psalms over all of my children, even while in the womb.

I am thankful that God blessed me by putting me in a family overflowing with covenantal faithfulness that goes back for many generations. I am thankful that God blessed me by giving me parents who were faithful not only to God & His Word, but also to one another and to their children. I am thankful that God has continued to bless me through my parents’ encouragement and exhortation even in my adulthood. And I am thankful that God’s grace is abundant, as I endeavor to set before my children a godly example of faithful Christianity, ardent wifehood, and fruitful motherhood. May I, like my parents before me, never neglect to emphasize the centrality of Scripture in our life, home, and family—and to nurture a love for and knowledge of the Psalms, making them prominent each day. May I inculcate hope in my family as we cling to Scripture to supply our instruction and encouragement. Romans 15:4, ā€œFor whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.ā€

Servanthood in The Thick of It

Just when I think I’m too stressed to serve,
too needy to meet another’s needs,
too empty to give again,
I catch a glimpse of Jesus, the night before His crucifixion.
He knew His time had come and what was ahead.
The pressure must have been enormous and the stress overwhelming.
He had every reason and right to focus on His own suffering,
to expect others to tend to His pain.
And what did He do?
He washed His disciples’ feet.

~Nancy Guthrie, “The One Year Book Of Hope,” pg. 253

What a good & timely reminder this is! May I be given grace by God to serve endlessly in the name of Christ, no matter what muck I am personally wading through. May I, by bearing His name, also bear His servanthood.

Encouragement Today

I was catching up on some Streams In The Desert reading today, with having been out of town this weekend (and having not brought the book along). I want to share these few small snippets with you that have blessed me & brought me to tears today.

Blessed is any weight, however overwhelming, which God has been so good as to fasten with His own hand upon our shoulders.
~F.W. Faber~

The burden of suffering seems a tombstone hung about our necks, while in reality it is only the weight which is necessary to keep down the diver while he is hunting for pearls.
~Richter~

We look at our burdens and heavy loads, and shrink from them; but as we lift them and bind them about our hearts, they become wings, and on them we rise and soar toward God.
~J.R. Miller~

Nearly all God’s jewels are crystallized tears.
~unknown~

It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God’s hands and leave them there.
~unknown~

Post-Treatment

Thank you so much for the prayers many of you have been uplifting before our Father on our behalf. We are so thankful for that. May God grow our faith and encourage us, even as He is doing, by your support & prayers. God is kind. So thank you all very much!

We had a very smooth trip, and returned back home late Saturday night. I survived the plane flights without too much undue stress (as long as I kept my eyes closed, bounced my knees around, didn’t budge beyond that, and squeezed all the blood out of Steven’s hand!), although the paperback book I was reading (the first book in the 100 Cupboards series) is a bit wrinkly from being sweat-dampened. šŸ˜‰

My reaction (to the visible eye, as well as what I feel) to the treatment is as it ought to be — so we are thankful for that. A few weeks after I get the second treatment, we will do a blood test to see if my immunological system has reacted as it should. Please, if you think of it, do continue to pray with us that two rounds of this treatment would be effective, make a substantial difference in my immunological system, and prepare my body for carrying/nurturing babies some day in the future.

I’ll leave you with a picture of part of the procedure — the last step; where I was gritting my teeth, hissing through them, and trying hard not to cry or wiggle while I got eight burning injections in my forearms.

Complicated

Today we will get on an airplane to fly over a thousand miles away for a medical treatment. A treatment that I’ve never had before. And I will get again in three more weeks. A treatment that might help solve some of my reproductive immunological problems – but there are zero guarantees.

So today I am trying to cling to hope. This is pretty much our last shot (no pun intended, although it does involve quite a few needles!). And if it doesn’t work… well… let’s just say that I can’t emotionally handle writing out that “what if” just yet. Not here. Not now.

We continue to cry out to our God, to beg for His mercy. For His heavy hand to be lifted from upon us, and for the Great Physician to put gracious, miraculous healing upon my womb.

To You, O LORD, I call;
my Rock, be not deaf to me,
lest, if You be silent to me,
I become like those who go down to the pit.
Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy,
when I cry to You for help,
when I lift up my hands
toward Your most holy sanctuary.

~Psalm 28:1-2~

I don’t write about it as often at the moment — but the stress, agony, pain, and grief continue to rise. While I did not have to suffer PI (Primary Infertility), suffering through SI (Secondary Infertility) is positively devastating. Especially when it involves the death of so many babies. My babies. My sons & my daughters.

We are embarking now on the first step of our newest (and likely, last) medical protocols. It involves strange things. From pills (almost too many to count each day), to iv infusions every 3-4 weeks, to daily (twice daily if I get pregnant) injections in my stomach (thankfully no one sees that part of me but hubby anyway – it will get rather purple and ugly very quickly), to traveling to strange places for strange procedures.

I never imagined it would be this way.

Twenty-six years of dreaming about motherhood — all I ever wanted to be was a mommy, to have little boys and little girls to nurture, love, train, disciple. When I found out that babies aren’t born through a mommy’s belly button, I pretty much thought I had it all figured out. Hah. Little did I know…

For some of us, having babies is so incredibly complicated.

I just want to put this out there, because infertility (PI, SI, loss, & combos thereof) is one of those eggshells subjects that nobody speaks of. It’s actually referred to as ‘coming out of the closet’ when someone admits they suffer from it, because it is that much of a no-no subject. Well, I don’t treat it that way. I can’t. It’s not a secret.

It is my life.

His Strength

“…when we cling to Christ in faith during hard times others notice. It’s easy to express our trust in God’s love when all is going smoothly, but He is doubly glorified when we express it during seasons of pain. We might agree with all this in theory, but when the chips are down, in the midst of perplexing difficulties, we are more often characterized by fear and doubt than by trust and joy. But our moments of doubt and discouragement do not cancel out God’s power; He is much bigger than that. It isn’t human to rejoice in suffering; it is supernatural. God is glorified not by calling strong women but by giving His strength to weak women.”

~Lydia Brownback ( Joy: A Godly Woman’s Adornment)~

“Glory Baby” by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
ā€˜till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ā€˜cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

But we miss you every day, miss you in every way…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…
Baby, it’s all you’ll ever know…

I came across this song by Watermark this morning. Glory-Baby is what I sometimes call my Glory Hesed, the third baby I ever held in my womb. So you can imagine that when I read the first two words of this song I started sobbing. Yup, that’s me.
This is a song I can identify 100% with.

One. Hundred. Percent.

Especially the every day, every way part…

Crying Out

Listen to what I’m saying, O LORD
understand what I’m sighing about.
Listen to me when I call for help, my King and my God,
because I’m pleading with You.
O LORD, in the morning listen to me;
in the morning I lay my needs before You and look up.
Psalm 5:1-3

Grief is weighing on my shoulders.

It is more smiting than the summer sun, heavier than the torrents of rain, deeper than the roots of all plants.

I lay my grief at the feet of my King and seek His comfort. He is not leaving me nor forsaking me, even when I struggle to make it through my days one lonely, empty, painful hour at a time. He is here, with me and holding me.

I beg for His comfort — pleading, beseeching my Father to bend low and hear the cries of His daughter. I am Christ’s and I claim His comfort as my own.

For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings,
so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
2 Corinthians 1:5

I am praying to cling to this next passage of Scripture, in Isaiah 54, claiming it as my own.

“For the mountains may depart
and the hills be removed,
but My steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and My covenant of peace shall not be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
“O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,
behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.
I will make your pinnacles of agate,
your gates of carbuncles,
and all your wall of precious stones.
All your children shall be taught by the LORD,
and great shall be the peace of your children.
In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
Isaiah 54:10-14

My Lord’s comfort is sweeter than honey, more peaceful than a tranquil stream, more beautiful than all the flowers of earth.

The grief still encompasses me. But His comforts are here amidst the grief.

For that I am thankful.