Author: joyfuldomesticity

Posted on

Friday November 6, 2009

Our PAIN:

 

Psalm 6:7 My eye wastes away because of grief

Psalm 31:9 Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
    my eye is wasted from grief;
   my soul and my body also.

Proverbs 14:13 Even in laughter the heart may ache,
   and the end of joy may be grief.

Jeremiah 8:18 My joy is gone; grief is upon me;
    my heart is sick within me.

Job 30:31 My lyre is turned to mourning,
   and my pipe to the voice of those who weep.

Psalm 38:6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
   all the day I go about mourning.

Psalm 44:19 yet you have broken us in the place of jackals
   and covered us with the shadow of death.

Psalm 55:4 My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.

Lamentations 5:15 The joy of our hearts has ceased;
    our dancing has been turned to mourning.

James 4:9 Be wretched and mourn and weep.
    Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.

 

 

Our HOPE:

 

Lamentations 3:32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love

Isaiah 53:4 Surely he has borne our griefs
   and carried our sorrows…

Jeremiah 31:13 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance,
   and the young men and the old shall be merry.
I will turn their mourning into joy;
   I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.

2 Chronicles 25:4 But he did not put their children to death, according to what is written in the Law, in the Book of Moses, where the LORD commanded, “Fathers shall not die because of their children, nor children die because of their fathers, but each one shall die for his own sin.”

Psalm 68:20 Our God is a God of salvation,
    and to GOD, the Lord, belong deliverances from death.

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
   I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
   your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.

Psalm 116:15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
   is the death of his saints.

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

Posted on

Thursday November 5, 2009

I don’t know what to write because I don’t want to put the words in concrete.

We don’t understand what happened.
But the baby is gone.
Oh God, help me.
His heart was beating this morning. For pity sake, we saw it with our own eyes!!!!!!
He looked so healthy and beautiful!!
God, why would You DO that?!

And somehow while I was lying down this afternoon, holding him closer than anything, he died.
God, aren’t You LISTENING?!

I know I wanted to hold you in my hands, but not now. Not today.
Oh God, not today.

Our hearts are broken.
Our faith is crushed.
Our strength is gone.
We feel forsaken. Completely.

His little body is so beautiful.
From his little eyes pits to his tiny legs.
He would have been so handsome.
God, why did you take him from our family?! We LOVED this child!

I don’t think I can keep breathing.

Posted on

Thursday November 5, 2009

Margaret D
Kristen T
Roberta D
Mrs. W
…and more…

Your words and wisdom have blessed us tremendously.
There have been so many emails and comments, even some phone calls/messages.
But I want to publicly declare that you lovely women have sincerely blessed us.
I don’t even know how to describe what your notes have meant to us.
THANK YOU
for giving us words of Truth,
for honoring our children,
for your fervent prayers,
and for such tangible acts of love.

Posted on

Thursday November 5, 2009

This morning the Lord showed His miraculous works and marvelous deeds.
OUR BABY IS STILL ALIVE!!!

The little heartbeat was obvious as soon as the ultrasound started (we were going in for a “final ultrasound” to see if there was any further information that may be helpful for the future). We were positively astounded, and I think I didn’t know whether to pass out or shriek. 🙂 It was beating away at about 105-115 bpm.
And then we found out that the baby had grown, too, just exactly as much as he/she should have! In the last six days, he/she has grown exactly 6 days’ worth. He/she is an entire 6mm long. 🙂

HOW INCREDIBLE!!!!

Also, the subchorionic bleed was gone from my uterus: which is probably why I am bleeding right now.
It is looking more and more likely that the bleed actually was a twin, and that is what we are losing right now.
But as far as our doctor could tell, things with Little Arrow look as healthy as they could be at this point. He said if I were an average patient, he would be fairly optimistic. With my history, he said he is not willing to go that far, but simply said to take it super easy (back on  bedrest I go!), and wait & watch — and return in a week.
We won’t have the hormone results until this afternoon or evening, but I don’t even know if I care what they are anymore. 🙂
We still have a long road ahead, and are far from out of the woods. But we are taking each day as God brings it. So while we do not know what tomorrow may bring, please rejoice with us and beseech Him with us for today.

GOD IS GOOD!!!!
PLEASE PRAISE THE LORD WITH US
FOR HIS INCREDIBLE KINDNESS & MERCY!!!!
AND PLEASE CONTINUE BEGGING HIS GRACE
TO PRESERVE THE LIFE OF OUR CHILD!!!!
My heart is steadfast O God, my heart is steadfast.
I will sing and make music.
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 57:7-11.

Posted on

Wednesday November 4, 2009

Psalm 39:12-13
“Hear my prayer, O LORD,
   and give ear to my cry;
   hold not Your peace at my tears!
For I am a sojourner with You,
   a guest, like all my fathers.
Look away from me, that I may smile again,
    before I depart and am no more!”

Psalm 29:11
“May the LORD give strength to His people!
   May the LORD bless His people with peace!”

Please pray for us. We are beginning to have physical signs that our baby is no longer living with us, but dancing with siblings in Paradise and praising his Lord with joy.
Please pray that we who are left behind will find peace from God to surpass our understanding as we endure the terrible hours ahead.
Please pray that we will have the courage to press onward through the death of another one of our children.

Posted on

Tuesday November 3, 2009

Psalm 103:13-18
As a father shows compassion to his children,
   so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame;
   He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass;
   he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
   and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
   and His righteousness to children’s children,
to those who keep His covenant
   and remember to do His commandments.

Please continue to beseech God’s mercy upon our covenant child in the womb.
We still don’t have much information.
There have been no physical changes in Mommy, and we must wait until Friday for another appointment to look for indications of changes in our Little Arrow.

We have not given up praying for God to perform a miracle!!!
There is fasting and praying today for our baby.
Please beseech the Heavenly Father with us to have grace upon this little saint.

Posted on

Saturday October 31, 2009

God, oh God, be merciful.

Be gentle and be kind.

Our flesh has grown so weak

And now we feel quite left behind.

 

You gave to us the desire

To have children and yet

You take them all so early;

We feel, it seems that You forget

 

That You were the One

Who called upon us to be

Fruitful on earth and multiplied

And a faithful family.

 

Our minds can not fathom

The streets of pearls and gold

While our arms sit here empty

Without our children to hold.

 

We ask and we pray

And we seek; shall we find?

Our hope and our faith

And our strength are all declined.

 

As we taste this bitter fruit

We feel alone in so much pain;

We long to feel Your comfort

And Your face shine once again.

 

Please guide and lead and strengthen

So that we may learn to be

A true and noble witness

To the Church and world of Thee.

 

Give peace beyond our knowledge

And return to us our joy

Please take this cup of sorrow,

Our doubts and fear destroy.

 

We thank You for the honor

Of producing babes for You

Who will ever live in Glory

Singing, dancing, honoring too—

 

But we beg of You, our Father,

And beseech Your holy name,

To please fill our home with children—

Your faithfulness to proclaim.

 

Astound us with Your mercy,

Bowl us over with Your grace,

Behind this frowning providence,

Please show Your smiling face.

 

Return to us sevenfold

For our sorrows and our grief,

Restore us to our kindred,

Recover hopeful belief.

 

We know that You are worthy

Of our sacrifice and praise.

We do desire to worship, love,

Serve, honor You all our days.

 

But we ask You as Your children

For bread and not a stone.

We trust You in Your sovereignty

To provide as You can alone.

 

Lead us and guide us,

For our footsteps make a way;

Mold us and shape us,

More like Christ a bit each day.

 

And while we learn to wait

And tread right through the fire

Please be our daily sustenance

And help our souls not to expire.

 

We long to be restored

To the joy of Thy salvation

And to once again pursue

Producing a covenant nation.

 

For of us, Your people, You demand

Faithful, pure diligence

To be fruitful, multiply, and subdue

On the earth in Your presence.

 

Provide for us, dear Father,

So that we may faithful be,

Be strong now in our weakness

And cause us not to flee

 

Thy presence, in our anguish

In our fear, and in our cries.

Purge our sorrow, refresh our spirits,

Wipe each teardrop from our eyes.

~by MJC~

Posted on

Saturday October 31, 2009

My hand rests on my tummy

Where you rest and grow,

Where your tiny heart beats in beautiful rhythm—

Only muscles and skin between us.

 

Your tiny frame is not hidden

Although you seem to be formed in secret.

God has knit you while I carry you

And your daddy whispers to you of his love.

 

We have dreams for you.

Life in the country, siblings,

Church and books and Christmas gifts,

Growing up and learning and being ours forever.

 

We know not the ways of the Lord,

His thoughts are not like ours.

His plans for you are set in stone.

What He has ordained surely shall be done.

 

Dreams of heaven.

Streets of gold.

Praises singing.

Joining your older siblings.

 

My tears are bottled, the psalmist says.

And how big is the bottle?

Oh, when shall I reach the brim?

It has been a dozen bottles—no, fifty.

 

Is that beautiful heart still keeping its rhythm?

Are you spinning and growing and exploring my womb?

Or have you already flown,

Are already dancing in Paradise?

 

Broken.

Lost.

Hopeless.

Empty.

 

You aren’t even gone yet

But I miss you already.

Dreams unfulfilled, hopes crushed,

Arms empty, belly barren.

 

Mommy feels forsaken.

Daddy feels helpless.

Big brother aches for your company.

Our family is incomplete.

 

You can not imagine how much we love you,

But we hope you have sensed it through these weeks.

And we never will forget how much you impacted us,

God has used you in mighty ways in your short but faithful life.

 

We pull out the psalter for reminders of the Strong Tower

The One who sustains us and gives us grace.

He will strengthen and bless your family here

Though we weep and we mourn and we falter.

~by your ever-loving mommy, Melissa Joy~

Posted on

Friday October 30, 2009

An up and down day.

We saw our baby’s beautiful heartbeat.

But we are told that flutter will soon be gone.

The hormones aren’t going up.

We are at a loss.

We are broken.

Such a long, hard week.

Then little bites of hope.

And now — nothing.

Emptiness.

Tragedy.

Don’t give up praying.

We can still pray for a miracle.

But ultimately, we need to pray that we would peacefully say:
EVEN SO, LORD, NOT MY WILL BUT THINE BE DONE.

While the tears stream down my face and my eyes puff up and my chest heaves…

Posted on

Thursday October 29, 2009

As a reminder, PLEASE PRAY WITH US
for our prenatal appointment tomorrow morning with the specialist, at 7am pst.

Specifics:
for hcg to be 4500
for a heartbeat to be visible
for appropriate growth in the week span
for God to perform a miracle, and grant us our June baby
for peace in our hearts, no matter the outcome of tomorrow’s appointment
for joy in the Lord, with whatever His sovereignty has ordained for our life and our family

THANK YOU!!