This morning, Gabriel begged me to climb back into my bed so he could cuddle with me. How could I say no to that?! So instead of getting up and doing my typing, I embraced the moment of cuddles and lovin’ and chatting with my precious little boy. *happy sigh*
After a minute of quiet snuggling, he looked at me and said, “where are my brothers and sisters?” As my eyes filled with tears that I successfully hid from him in the dim room, I said, “most of them live in heaven; one of them lives in my tummy.” He contemplated that for a moment and then responded, “they live with God.” “Yes, they do.” “I will ask God to bring them back to me, Mommy.” I explained to him that it doesn’t work that way, but that someday God will take Gabriel to live in heaven with Him too, and that’s when he will see those brothers and sisters again.
“I love my brothers and sisters,” he said. I cried silently and said, “so does Mommy. We all love them very much.” “God loves them too,” he told me. “Yes, yes He does.”
Then he wanted to wiggle under the covers, rub my belly, and kiss Baby 9 about half a dozen times. He scooted back up to put his head on the pillow next to mine and said, “I love this baby too. He can come out and play. He’s big now.” I explained that this baby wasn’t big enough yet, and that God would keep this baby in Mommy’s tummy until it was big enough to really come out and play. “God won’t take him to heaven?” he asked. I didn’t really know how to answer that. I can not see the future. I do not know how many days are numbered for this child, any more than I know my own. “We pray that God will not take this baby to heaven for a long time; this baby belongs to Him, but sometimes God shows us His love by allowing a baby to stay on earth. Like He did with you.”
There was some silence. Then the thumb popped out of the mouth again, and my sweet Gabriel said, in very quick succession, “I want to pray for God to keep my baby safe. I want to ask God for brothers and sisters. I like brothers and sisters. I love our baby. I don’t want heaven yet, Mommy. I will pray for God to keep us safe.”
And he did.
And I cried because it was beautiful and pure and honest. 
So now, much much later than usual, I am finally sitting down to do my typist work. My schedule is off for the day, but oh how thankful I am that I tossed conventionality out the window this morning and embraced the moment to cuddle with my Gabriel, else I would have missed out on that beautiful conversation with that precious saint whose life and words and prayers glorify our Father in heaven.
Gah! This made me cry. Oh boy… these moments are beautiful and heart wrenching all at the same time.
Hearing the things that come out of Rachel’s mouth; the understanding she already has at age 4 1/2 of losing a precious life… it makes me sad. But then I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness that God is already teaching our young kids so much about the brevity of life, the importance of understanding we need a Savior and the real understanding of GOD is in control.
I can see the Lord working out many different issues in my kid’s hearts, just through us losing Micah. Its actually exciting to see Him doing similar things in Gabriel’s heart. Just the fact that our kids are learning and actually understanding the power of prayer – its amazing.
Thank you, Jesus.
Praying for your sweet little one! Hoping for the day when we can hear he/she has been born and is safely in your arms.
I don’t have the words right now, but this is so bittersweet, so pure and honest, straight from Gabriels little soul and it melts me. It’s okay not to have all the answers if you can point him to the One who knows all. 🙂
Their sweet little words can be so comforting. We lost our first baby just over a week ago and my girls (5 & 2) tell me daily that they are sad and sorry that baby Amara died. They definitely make the day to day so much easier.
Along those lines, I wanted to say thank you for your wonderful example of strength and grace through this trial of miscarriage. I know that having seen God’s work in you has helped me tremendously in handling and understanding what has happened in the past two weeks. You and Baby #9 have been in my prayers for months now, and I hope that God will bless your family very richly.
This has me crying all over again. But it truly is the sweetest, most honest, pure thing ever! Sweet Gabriel and his love for his siblings and for God is so precious.
And I’m praying that God will see fit to let you keep baby #9 for a very long time!!
Tears….What a beautiful beautiful moment…
Wow! My son prays and asks Jesus to give us another baby and to not let it die this time.
If you haven’t read “Heaven is for real” by Todd Burpo I recommend it my friend!
what a precious, precious moment and conversation; crying with you this morning, Melissa and praying for many days on earth for baby 9.