This morning over at Held, you can find a post written from my heart. Read it here.
When I was asked to write something for their What Not To Say series, I had a few ideas, but one that pressed more strongly upon my heart of late and stood out among the rest. This is something I continue to struggle with now, as I fight the tendency of people around me to imply that Baby Nine could in any way replace Hosanna, Victory, Mercy, Peace, Promise, or Glory ~ just like Gabriel didn’t replace Covenant when I carried him in my womb. As I say in the short article, death is death, no matter how much life is left in its wake.
May the Lord encourage you today, hold you against His tender Father’s bosom, and sharpen us all as iron against iron.
6 Replies to “Thoughts from My Heart”
I’ve had a few people tell me that things will get better if/when we get pregnant again. At first I was torn by that comment – wondering if they meant we’ll forget Micah. But I know that’s not it at all. They just mean some pieces of my broken heart will be mended by the joy and answered prayer of new, healthy life. Nothing can replace a person. When someone loses a spouse and re-marries, we never assume the other spouse is forgotten. But I think we safely assume that they have been filled with some joy that was lost. Even though they’ll never ever forget or replace their first spouse.
Does that make sense?
I hope no one has actually told you that this baby is going to “replace” and make you forget your other children. If they have it might be time for you to find some new friends 😉
I think if you read my little essay you’ll see more what I mean. 🙂
I’ve lived through this for four years already and know all kinds of sides that come with this. But I tried to sum up a bit of it just a pinch in my less-than-600-word essay. 😉
Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Melissa.
No-one can/could ever replace another human being.
Whether it’s a relative or friend or the baby in your womb… each person is precious in my life.
Thanks Melissa, for sharing this bit with us, I read it with an open heart, knowing full well that I have probably been guilty of perhaps saying or even just thinking some of those things in the past.
Thankfulness for life and grief for lost life can go hand in hand, and I really am beginning to understand that more.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so very true, and you said it so very well.
I’ve been mostly avoiding your blog lately; about the time you announced your current pregnancy, I found I was pregnant again as well, but I lost this child as well, like too many of his siblings now. I treasure the assurance that I will meet and love and hold them someday in Heaven, when we are all reunited, but I still grieve for them, and for awhile it was just too difficult to visit here. I’m finding new strength with each day, though, and the faith to try yet again, and I’m grateful that I felt moved to come see what you had to say today. Your words were truly a blessing to me. And you’re absolutely right — I do feel that my losses have made me treasure my living children even more, and I can feel my love and devotion to them increasing, the longer I ponder just what an amazing gift and treasure and blessing they are, and how easily it could have been otherwise.
I still pray God will bless us with another living child — I especially long for a baby girl, a sister for my little girl, who is now 2 1/2. Her big sister is so much older than she is, so though they love each other, they don’t really have much in common; I always longed for a sister close to my own age, and I rest in hope to be able to give her one someday soon. I think they’d be such a blessing to each other. But in the meantime, I’m trying to keep the strength, and faith, to keep trying. It’s so hard to keep trying, when it’s ended in grief so many times, as I know you probably understand so very well. Things like this help me so much in maintaining (or re-finding, depending on the day) that strength and hope and faith. So thank you, and God bless you for your loving words and graciously gentle phrasing, which will surely help some well-meaning friend or family member say the *right* thing instead of the wrong thing, and bring grieving parents healing instead of pain.
Ardenne, I just emailed you; I hope it reaches you. You are in my prayers. (((HUGS)))