Author: joyfuldomesticity

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What is “His best”?

I have an honest confession that I need to make, but it is very difficult to make this confession publicly. I feel like I should be stronger than I am, or at least more joyful even if weak. But the true confession is that I am really struggling to cope and function on the most basic levels, and not give in to overwhelming anxiety. I am now pretty much past all seven of my past miscarriage marker dates (with the exception of one that was a missed miscarriage, and while it took my body a while to actually miscarry, her development had stopped by now)… but because the problems we are facing this time are totally unrelated to my immunological problems that caused all seven of my previous miscarriages, I feel like I am in frightening territory that is completely new, unfamiliar, unknown… and it is so terrifying.

My plethora of medications, thanks be to God, are once again controlling my immunological problems and protecting this baby, allowing my body to nurture him/her! I am SO grateful for that. It makes every pill, every injection, every past hiccup and mountain totally worthwhile. Praise to God alone for providing these things!!

But that does not help with the problem this baby is facing: that of seeming to be outgrowing the gestational sac. I had never even heard of that before, and now I’m too afraid to “research” it online because knowing the level of risk just wouldn’t really help my coping right now.
I’m trying to take it easy, as limited activity was suggested as “it couldn’t hurt and might help.”
I’m also drinking at least a gallon of water a day, again suggested along similar lines; I guess thinking that if my body is super hydrated, maybe the baby would get more amniotic fluid and maybe the sac would grow better…?

It is such a helpless feeling, especially as a mother: to know that I am doing everything I can, yet still feeling like there is absolutely nothing I can do.

One thing is for sure: I do NOT know how anyone could cope with such situations without resting in Christ and His sovereignty.

So we are thankful that we are His. We are thankful that this baby is His, and only lent to us. We are thankful that we know with certainty that Little ‘Leven’s days are already numbered, and that the Creator of all things and Sustainer of all creation is the One who not only created but sustains this darling baby.

I definitely find myself living and breathing that C.S. Lewis quote,

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

May God sustain us, and may He grant me the ability to cope little by little because of His great grace, so that I can follow Him with faith and continue doing what He has called me to do as the mother of this beloved child.

This morning as I read a daily devotional snippet by Nancy Guthrie, the Lord spoke to me right where I need a continual reminder today, and I am so thankful that even little things like this can be exhorting even while I sit here trembling, crying, wondering what the future holds:

Joshua 1:9
This is my command ~ be strong and courageous!
Do not be afraid or discouraged.
For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Walking through life with Me does not mean that there is never any struggle, or that you will never face opposition or difficulty. It means that you can encounter whatever comes without being crippled by fear or depleted by discouragement. Instead, you can know a strength and courage that comes from your settled confidence that I am with you. I am out in front of you, leading you into the abundant life I have promised to give you. I am beside you, speaking words of encouragement and instruction, pointing out potential dangers. I am in you, filling you with My power and conforming you into the image of My dear Son. When I tell you I am with you, I do not mean I am present in a general sense, but in a personal sense. You have My attention and affection. Wherever you go, you can reach out and find Me right beside you.

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Our kids with us

“Godly parenting is a function of becoming more like Jesus in the presence of little ones,
who are also in the process of becoming more like Jesus.”
~Pastor Douglas Wilson, here

“One way you might think of parenting is like the disciple Andrew who first heard the call
to “come and see” Jesus (Jn. 1:39),
who then found his brother Simon and told him,
“We have found the Messiah” (Jn. 1:41).
Our task as parents is to be constantly inviting our kids to come with us,
to “come and see” Jesus, the Messiah, the Holy One of Israel, our Redeemer.”
~Pastor Toby Sumpter, here

Today as each of my four living olive plants require different things of me, I am seeking to hold their hands (well, three sets of hands… one of them is hidden in the womb, whose hands I do not want to reach for another seven months!) and walk together in the path of righteousness.

May God grant me the grace and wisdom to do this with patience and delighted joy!!

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We continue to call on God

For today, the Lord has mercifully granted us the gift of continued life ~ glory be to Him!

And so, while the worries are not dissipated completely for the future (our doctor still seemed very concerned), we are praising the Lord for our growing baby and the strong heartbeat we got to see again today. Thanks be to God! We are also given the gift of continuing to call on God, and beseech from Him the gift of more LIFE. Please pray with us for our beautiful little baby, that God would hear our prayers, along the lines of Jabez:

1 Chronicles 4:10
“Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory,
that Your hand would be with me,
and that You would keep me from evil,
that I may not cause pain!”

May we, as the weeks go on, be privileged to proclaim as Jabez did that “God granted him what he requested.” Amen. Please come before the Father of all mercies and Author of all life with us, to plead with Him for the life of our child! Thank you for sitting with us as we await our good Lord’s pleasure in the days and weeks to come.

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Helpless but not Hopeless

Last week one of my doctors seemed all but despairing over our Little ‘Leven’s precious life.
In two hours, we go back to see what the Lord is doing, knowing that we have no control over the life of our baby.

It feels helpless. I have been floundering back and forth between despair and hope these last five days.
So while I feel helpless and like I’m about to walk myself to the guillotine, I need to not give in to hopelessness.
I need to rely on my faithful God who has lead us through darkness before, has saved us from dire straits in the past, has shown His power in so many ways to us through the years (and particularly in similar situations to this, where lives of our children have been in the scales).
We have seen Him preserve a child we thought unpreservable. But, yes, we have also seen Him take our children into His bosom when we were unaware.

He does all things well. He is not only God of all help, but God of all hope.
I do trust in Him. But sometimes trust looks like closing my eyes, gritting my teeth, clenching my fists, and jumping off a cliff ~ not knowing what will come of the dive.
So as I prepare to trust Him for the cliff-dive that I’m about to take as I step into a doctor’s office again this morning, I seek to meditate not with helplessness or hopelessness, but hoping in Christ alone, on the following verses.

Job11:18
You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety.

Psalm 25:2-6
In you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.

Psalm 39:7
But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 62:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Psalm 65:5
You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas,

Psalm 119:116
Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.

Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Lamentations 3:21-22 
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

 

Please pray with us for the merciful gift of LIFE for this dearly beloved child.

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Anxiety, Comfort, Sufficiency

Psalm 94:17-19
Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul would soon have settled in silence.
If I say, “My foot slips,”
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up.
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.

2 Corinthians 3:5
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves
to think of anything as being from ourselves,
but our sufficiency is from God…

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Little ‘Leven

There is absolutely nothing that you or I can do to guarantee that we will continue to exist.
You aren’t doing anything that makes you be.
We aren’t the Author.
~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p72

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Tonight I meditate on this truth, and try to take comfort in it. We got peek at our precious Little ‘Leven today. We saw a gorgeous heartbeat and a completely sweet baby. We don’t know what the future holds for this child, and it is terrifying but I want to rest in the peace of knowing the Author who does all things well… and I want to be thankful that I am not that author.

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Iron: heating, bending, chipping, sharpening…

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

Iron. It’s a metal that is known for its strength and stability. It is not easily bent. To shape or form iron, a blacksmith needs to heat the iron to an incredible temperature, and an intense amount of force needs to be applied to whack it into another shape. Heat and pressure: wow, that sounds like fun. And what about sharpening? When I find my Wustof knives need a little sharpening so they slice more easily through meat or veggies, I have to take that dulling blade and strike it against other metal. I can swipe it repeatedly against my knife steel (the handled little rod that came with my block of knives), which essentially chips away tiny shreds of the knife’s edge; I can also run it through my electric sharpener, which combines different stages of diamond, steel, and a stropping method to intricately and finely sharpen the edge of the knife. It is loud, it is heated, little tiny pieces of metal fly off… but the result of that fine grinding is that it leaves a sharper, more useful, more effective, even more beautiful knife behind.

So as I think about these practical things that I can visualize and even experience with metals in my life, how can I apply these principals here to this oft-quoted Proverb?

It is true that to be friends, you do not need to be exactly on the same page, every page of your book; in fact, it is often true that having friends who have different experiences or even different convictions can be sharpening in various ways. We need to lovingly challenge one another to grow and mature into Christ…

Hebrews 6:1
…leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to perfection…

Ephesians 4:13-16
…till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

…and oftentimes this loving challenge of one another involves chipping away at one another, sometimes with heat and sparks, perhaps sometimes even with words that feel like they pit you between an anvil and a hammer. Much wisdom is required to know whether this pounding, this heat, this grinding, is bending you, forming you, chipping you, sharpening you in the right direction ~ or not.

If we are seeking to further the Kingdom of God, we want to be sharp, effective, beautifully cutting to the heart of the matter especially when it comes to mutually encouraging the brethren toward love and good deeds. As I read in a little article on the subject, if a knife becomes blunt, it still continues to be a knife, it is simply a less beautiful, effective, sharp knife. It becomes difficult to deal with. It cuts through things (eventually), but not cleanly, smoothly, easily. I end up sawing, hacking, damaging in the process. If I want to be an effective blade for God’s Kingdom, using the true double-edged sword of His Word (Hebrews 4:12), I need to be sharpened in order to be sharp. I need to put myself out there to receive the sharpening of God’s Word, and I need to seek wisdom on which direction I am being ground and hammered so that I will be sharpened toward a more effective Gospel life.

But what does this sharpening feel like? Is it always easy? Well, I imagine that having the dullness rubbed, ground, and hacked off of me is not supposed to always feel easy. Sometimes it may seem like a massaging into my faith muscles, but sometimes it may seem more like a knife digging out sin or blindness pustules. It is true that the New Testament is full of descriptions of how the Body of Christ should relate to one another, and we can not avoid the truth that when speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), the truth may sometimes be painful and sharp. When I sharpen iron with someone, it should not surprise me if a conversation gets heated, if sparks fly, if anvil & hammer are even needed. But the point is not the heat, the spark, the hammering: the point is effective, wise work. The final word is not the sharpening process: the final word is the beautiful grace of sharpness.

As I continue to think about this, I go back to this post on the subject where I read about what Proverbs 27:17 doesn’t mean ~ because in figuring out what something does mean, it is often profitable to study what it does not mean. One thing this blogger says is “I need friends whose wisdom, whose willingness to say difficult things, or whose different perspectives will provide the grit with which God can sand my dull edges.” I love that thought: that we need Christians around us who will provide the grit for God to use as our sandpaper. We have dull edges, and they can’t stay that way! We need sanctifying resistance, as she said.

So what does this mean to me? What does it mean to you?
How can I apply these thoughts and principals in my friendships? In my marriage? In my parenting? In my church community?

My personal prayer is that the Lord would grant me the wisdom to not only be a sharpener, but to receive sharpening with grace. May I not chafe under the heat, the hammering, the flying sparks, the painful bending when they come by the wisdom and grace of God; may He give  me the wisdom to have the strength and stability of iron, also, when I need to resist hammering and chipping in the wrong direction. May I both give and receive the blessing of sharpening edges unto the further glory of God and the further expanse of His Kingdom. May grace and Gospel come before, fill up, overflow, and end every instance of sharpening that I give and receive, so that these things would be done in the manner of Christ, where grace abounds and love covers a multitude of sins.

2 Timothy 2:1
You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
Therefore we also pray always for you that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of His goodness and the work of faith with power,that the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

John 13:34-35
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

…And of course this then brings up, HOW did Jesus love His people? And what kind of love is it that He wants us to use in loving one another so that the world will see us as His disciples, and see Him through us? Well, I would briefly say that, as one of my former pastors has said, using the common method of going through 1 Corinthians 13 and inserting “Jesus” in the place of “love” each time it is mentioned would give us a good idea… and yes, that would imply that there are times when heat, sparks, grinding, rubbing, sharpening is necessary…
But that just may be another musing for another time.

Grace and peace and joy be yours in abundance, and may you sharpen iron together with Christians around you for the glory of God and for the furtherance of His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.

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Words

I have so many words running in circles in my head. So many things that need written. Thankfully I have started journaling occasionally again. Mostly just about family life, because I figure that’s what one of my children or grandchildren might find fun to read about someday; or it may be the kind of thing I need to read when I am old, especially if I grow lonely or senile or if I am tempted to forget any of these amazing testimonies of God’s faithfulness. I need to be able to see clearly these beautiful ebenezers that God has set up for me. So I try to write them down.

Ecclesiastes 9:17
Words of the wise, spoken quietly, should be heard
Rather than the shout of a ruler of fools.

I have new writing responsibilities for a new online ministry coming up. It’s something that is launching in April, but I have a bunch of preparatory work in the meantime. So posts about my life as a mommy-after-loss, and as a pregnant-after-loss woman, are likewise spinning in my head. I need to take the thought and time to put them down. I need to cover these thoughts and ideas with prayer, and see what the Lord would do with these words for His glory and His Kingdom.

Proverbs 18:4
The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters;
The wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook.

I speak so many words throughout a day. I am trying to take not only my thoughts captive but also my words. As I’ve been studying Genesis using this book (I’m leading a small women’s Bible study twice a month), grace and Gospel are just such enormous, recurring themes. Today we studied Genesis 6, and what really struck me was how God reacted to the incredible darkness and sin (the thoughts of man’s heart was only continual evil, 6:5 says). Scripture doesn’t say that the wrath of God was kindled (although truly that would have been just), it says that He was grieved. Oh, Lord, that You would cause my words to reflect that kind of grace! When I see sin, oh that You may cause me to be grieved for the sake of Your glory, rather than angry for the sake of my own ease & pride. So I am praying for words to speak and write that would be seasoned with grace; that things would not end with hard words from my mouth, but that I would have the Christlikeness to always bring it back to grace and the Gospel. Because that’s what God does, and I am called to imitate Him.

Psalm 119:172
My tongue shall speak of Your word,
For all Your commandments are righteousness.

I read words at an alarming pace these days. Of course being a mom of little ones, and being a homeschooling mom to boot, that’s a big part of my calling. And then it’s also a major part of how God grows and strengthens me as His child: I am begging for meat to chew on so that my spirit would be nourished, and I’m so thankful for His gifts of the written word. As I seek to challenge and encourage my soul by reading blogs and books and Scripture and letters and hymns and psalms, I know that I need to be discerning and wise. May the Lord grant me that discernment and wisdom, so that I would be filled with Truth, and so that blessings from God would not only flow into me but fill me to overflowing so that that is what I would then spill onto others.

Proverbs 16:20
He who heeds the word wisely will find good,
And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.

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Life, as I pray to embrace it

If life is a story, how shall we then live? It isn’t complicated (just hard). Take up your life and follow Him. Face trouble. Pursue it. Climb it. Smile at its roar like a tree planted by cool water even when your branches groan, when your golden leaves are stripped and the frost bites deep, even when your grip on this earth is torn loose and you fall among mourning saplings. ~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p83

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Lay your life down. Your heartbeats cannot be hoarded. Your reservoir of breaths is draining away. You have hands, blister them while you can. You have bones, make them strain—they can carry nothing in the grave. You have lungs, let them spill with laughter. … I can be giving my fingers, my back, my mind, my words, my breaths, to my wife and my children and my neighbors, or I can grasp after the vapor and the vanity for myself, dragging my feet, afraid to die and therefore afraid to live. And, like Adam, I will still die in the end. ~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p84

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a very Happy Christmas to you

 We redheads would like to cry out, a very happy Christmas to you all! And long live King Jesus!!!

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And on the sledge sat a person whom everyone knew the moment they set eyes on him. He was a huge man in a bright red robe (bright as holly-berries) with a hood that had fur inside it and a great white beard that fell like a foamy waterfall over his chest. Everyone knew him because, though you see people of his sort only in Narnia, you see pictures of them and hear them talked about even in our world—the world on this side of the wardrobe door. But when you really see them in Narnia it is rather different. Some of the pictures of Father Christmas in our world make him look only funny and jolly. But now that the children actually stood looking at him they didn’t find it quite like that. He was so big, and so glad, and so real, that they all became quite still. They felt very glad, but also solemn.

“These are your presents,” was the answer, “and they are tools not toys. The time to use them is perhaps near at hand. Bear them well.”

“And now”—here he suddenly looked less grave—“here is something for the moment for you all!” and he brought out (I suppose from the big bag at his back, hut nobody quite saw him do it) a large tray containing five cups and saucers, a bowl of lump sugar, a jug of cream, and a great big teapot all sizzling and piping hot. Then he cried out “A Merry Christmas! Long live the true King!” and cracked his whip and he and the reindeer and the sledge and all were out of sight before anyone realised that they had started.

~excerpts from C.S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Chapter X: The Spell Begins to Break.~