Aging of a Room

As Gabriel is growing up, so is his room.
This last week we said goodbye to the nursery (possibly forever, although I pray we’ll get an excuse for a nursery again one day). It was really hard for me, but our little boy loves his new room. He has always loved his room, and I am thankful that he continues to love it as it ages with him.

Here’s a little photo timeline of how his room has aged and changed.

It started with paint and a little furniture (Jan 2008).

Then after a while it needed more furniture, made by Grandpapa (May 2008).

In recent months, it has included changing the way some of the furniture is used (2010).

And now it includes a new coat of paint, the loss of an area rug, replacing furniture, and all kinds of new textiles (Feb 2011).

I am working on two more decorative pillows, and one more piece of artwork for the wall. But his “new room” is pretty much complete. It’s so bittersweet. I love his excitement over it, and I know that eventually I will get past the pain of it.

I Got Tagged

I don’t usually do these…. but…. I was tagged & don’t feel like posting what I have been struggling with (challenged with & encouraged by…) at the moment. So here it is. My tag, courtesy of Holly. 🙂

Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
Rule #2: tag 4 people to do this quiz; they cannot refuse (ok, so nothing bad will happen if you don’t participate but I would love to see your answers). The tag-ee must state who tagged them.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
Our Dilly-dog is a family member (to a certain degree).

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?
I think everyone knows my answer to this: be able to have children.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Hah! Pay lots of taxes, probably. Build our new house exactly the way we’d love it. Afford medical treatments (or adoption, if the Lord called us to that) for a few babies. Buy this great little brick schoolhouse in our future hometown and start a homeschool coop there. Save save save (because my husband & I are both compulsive savers).

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Music, tea, Yankee candles, chatting with someone I love, being silly with my Gabriel, a neck rub from my husby, praying.

5. What is your bedtime routine, with your kid(s) if you have any?
Around 8 we wind things down, go potty one last time, brush teeth, get in jammies, sit on the couch as a family to “read & sing” (read Scripture, read a prayer from the Valley Of Vision, singing from Cantus Christi, and pray as a family), then one of us (usually Mommy, occasionally Daddy) rocks with Gabriel in his room and reads a few books (his current favorite is Blueberries For Sal – he can recite the entire thing), sings a couple songs, prays with him & for him, gives him a blessing (Numbers 6:24-26), tucks him in, and says goodnight. This is usually finished before 9.

6. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other?
Sovereign Grace Singles online. Whee! The Lord does some magnificent things sometimes. 🙂

7. What kind of books do you read?
I always have a few practical Christian books going at once, and very occasionally read some fiction. I used to love L.M. Montgomery the most, and Dorothy Sayers, and lots more. Right now I am reading Streams In The Desert (my daily devotional), Prayers Of An Excellent Wife (as a springboard to hold me accountable to pray specifically for my husband, and also for our son), When I Don’t Desire God (for the ladies’ study at church),  One Thousand Gifts, Place Of Healing, and Brave New Family. Yep, I have a bunch going at once. 😉

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
Through impossible glasses.

9. What’s your fear?
I am striving to fear the Lord and nothing beyond Him.
This is, of course, an incredible work in progress.
But as such, I don’t want to delve into my other fears.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
I don’t really like junk food (unless french fries count!), but I also don’t have a real desire to see outer space. So I guess not.

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Literally, the first thing? Take meds.

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?
The only thing that has ever disappointed me about him was that when I first heard his voice on the phone he didn’t have an accent ~ he lived in North Carolina and had just spent a year studying in Scotland, thus the disappointment ~ so I would give him an accent. 😀
I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. He isn’t perfect, but he is perfectly designed for me.

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I would love to have been named after my grandmas. Carily would do it. But I like my name, so I wouldn’t, even if I could.

14. If you had to choose where you would live would you rather live in the east coast or the west coast?
I wouldn’t want to live in either coast! I don’t like swimming in oceans!
But, I’m a west coast girl forever.

15. If you had to give up one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Caffeine. Oh wait, been off of that for 2 years already…

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
Being able to witness and share my heart with people; being vulnerable and honest even when going through the dark valleys of life, and sharing Christ through that experience.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Usually salty.

18. What items are in your purse right now?
Wallet, cell phone, lip gloss, hand lotion, antibacterial wipes, keys, and a packet of tylenol.

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go?
Mountains.

20. What do you watch on television?
We don’t have television, but we stream things online. Bones is our current favorite.

Tagging:
Nobody particular 🙂 If you want to be tagged, consider yourself tagged!

Whate’er Betide Thee…

If thou but suffer God to guide thee
And hope in Him through all thy ways,
He’ll give thee strength, whate’er betide thee,
And bear thee through the evil days.
Who trusts in God’s unchanging love
Builds on the Rock that naught can move.

What can these anxious cares avail thee,
These never-ceasing moans and sighs?
What can it help if thou bewail thee
O’er each dark moment as it flies?
Our cross and trials do but press
The heavier for our bitterness.

Be patient and await His leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate’er thy Father’s pleasure
And His discerning love hath sent,
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
To Him who chose us for His own.

God knows full well when times of gladness
Shall be the needful thing for thee.
When He has tried thy soul with sadness
And from all guile has found thee free,
He comes to thee all unaware
And makes thee own His loving care.

Nor think amid the fiery trial
That God hath cast thee off unheard,
That he whose hopes meet no denial
Must surely be of God preferred.
Time passes and much change doth bring
And sets a bound to everything.

All are alike before the Highest;
‘Tis easy to our God, we know,
To raise thee up, though low thou liest,
To make the rich man poor and low.
True wonders still by Him are wrought
Who setteth up and brings to naught.

Sing, pray, and keep His ways unswerving,
Perform thy duties faithfully,
And trust His Word, though undeserving,
Thou yet shalt find it true for thee.
God never yet forsook in need
The soul that trusted Him indeed.

Author: Georg Neumark, 1640
Translated by: Catherine Winkworth, 1863, alt.
Titled: "Wer nur den lieben Gott laesst walten"
Composer: Georg Neumark, 1640
Tune: "Wer nur den lieben Gott"

Remembering Mercy

Daniel 9:17-18

Now therefore, O our God, listen to the prayer of Your servant and to his pleas for mercy,

and for Your own sake, O Lord, make Your face to shine upon Your sanctuary, which is desolate.

O my God, incline Your ear and hear.

Open Your eyes and see our desolations…

For we do not present our pleas before You because of our righteousness,

but because of Your great mercy.

Sweet Mercy Kyrie, we remember you today, and marvel at the fact that is has been an entire year since we held you. We are thankful that our Lord blessed our family with your life. You proclaimed the Gospel, sweet girl. You still do. Amen!

I love you sweetie-babe.
xo Mommy

Psalm 123:3

Have mercy upon us, O LORD, have mercy upon us,
for we have had more than enough of contempt.

Do not be dismayed at “rests”

“There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it.” In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by “rests,” and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the “rest”? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the “rests.” They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves, “There is no music in a ‘rest,'” let us not forget “there is the making of music in it.” The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!

~Ruskin, from Streams In The Desert~

Abide in your calling

Beloved, whenever you are doubtful as to your course, submit your judgment absolutely to the Spirit of God, and ask Him to shut against you every door but the right one. Say,
“Blessed Spirit, I cast on Thee the entire responsibility of closing against my steps any and every course which is not of God. Let me hear Thy voice behind me whenever I turn to the right hand or the left.”

In the meanwhile, continue along the path which you have been already treading. Abide in the calling in which you are called, unless you are clearly told to do something else.

~From Paul, by Meyer~

And to this quote I add my hearty Amen, Lord! Enable us to keep treading; strengthen us to abide in the good calling to which you have called us!

Fort-tent-igloo

Without having weather where we can play outside (Gabriel likes the snow well enough, but he is not fond of temperatures below about 10 degrees), we get creative inside. 🙂 Gabriel can’t decide whether it’s a fort, a tent, or an igloo… but he loves this thing, and makes us crawl through his tower to get inside (what a trick!), and we sit on beanbags in the fort to read, use laptops, play with toys, etc. Pretty clever.

Nine

Nine weeks ago today we said goodbye to our baby boy.

Most people think it’s been much longer, what with all the craziness and bustle of the holidays that has passed since then. It is easy to lose track, or take time for granted, especially when someone is distanced from the situation.
Since losing our son, we have had a week-long business trip, Thanksgiving, 4 family birthdays (plus a few friends), Advent, Christmas, New Year, Victory’s due date, Epiphany, and countless events of fellowship and/or service, not to mention normal things of daily work. So yes, it has been busy.

But no, it has not gone by quickly.

And while some people have mentioned that it feels like it was so long ago, it really was so recent. Our son just died. Only nine weeks ago. And although, yes, we have been grieving almost nonstop for two years, we have only been grieving this sweet boy for nine weeks. God is faithfully bringing us through the deep waters into more shallow ones (but there are still waters which ebb & flow). He is kind and gentle and loving. We thank Him.

I will again quote one thing from Jerry Sittser, considering that it has been 63 days since I held my Hosanna-boy:
I marveled at the genius of the ancient Hebrews, who set aside forty days for mourning, as if forty days were enough. I learned later how foolish I was. It was only after those forty days that my mourning became too deep for tears. So my tears turned to brine, to a bitter and burning sensation of loss that tears could no longer express. In the months that followed I actually longed for the time when the sorrow had been fresh and tears came easily. That emotional release would have lifted the burden, if only for a while.

So yes, we continue to grieve. It looks different than it did a month ago. And it looks even more different than it did nine weeks ago. But we’re still on the journey. We continue to need & seek grace in all of this. As even the Heidelberg Catechism reminds us, God is our only comfort in life and in death.

Faint Not

NOTHING so purifies the thoughts, heightens the acts, shuts out self, admits God, as, in all things, little or great, to look to Jesus. Look to Him, when ye can, as ye begin to act, to converse, or labor; and then desire to speak or be silent, as He would have you; to say this word, or leave that unsaid; to do this, or leave that undone; to shape your words, as if He were present, and He will be present, not in body, but in spirit, not by your side, but in your soul. Faint not, any who would love Jesus, if ye find yourselves yet far short of what He Himself who is Love saith of the love of Him. Perfect love is heaven. When ye are perfected in love, your work on earth is done. There is no short road to heaven or to love. Do what in thee lies by the grace of God, and He will lead thee from strength to strength, and grace to grace, and love to love.
–EDWARD B. PUSEY