Spring Cleaning…

At least in theory, I want to do some spring cleaning. Certain things need to be done: the flower bed needs a little help before sunshine does its thing, the hose needs brought out, the Christmas lights need taken down, the porches need swept off, and the outdoor furniture needs a good spray & wipe. Other things would be a good idea: washing all the windows, thoroughly cleaning the kitchen, giving curtains & bedlinens a good washing, making sure the pantry & other storage areas are well-ordered & well-stocked. Other things sound like brilliant ideas but are probably not realistic in my here & now: wiping down all the wooden trim in the house, dusting lightbulbs, anything that requires scrubbing with a toothbrush, etc. In my dreamworld I would love some more trim up in the house, especially so I can add some curtains to a few more key rooms: but again, not certain that this is the year that will get accomplished, and that’s totally okay. It is good to know what things should be done, what might be icing on the cake, and what is not realistic for me right now with where God has us today. šŸ™‚

So right now I’ve got my oven self-cleaning, the coffee maker and the dishwasher each running a vinegar rinse, and I cleaned the sink with a good borax soak earlier while I took the kids to the library & out for lunch.

I have great plans to throw some other things in the dishwasher and washing machine as the day goes on… and perhaps I will get the kids involved in helping me do some spring cleaning/prep outside on the porches this evening.

I love to have an organized and tidy home (if not always clean in that “spotless” sort of way… I mean, I do have little kids and live in the country, after all!), not because I want to be fussy but because I want to pursue a good balance of beauty & functionality. I want my home to be a place of rest and refuge for my family, and also for our friends.

So what are YOU doing to freshen up your home this spring? How do you get the whole family involved? What things do you find worth doing versus unnecessary? And how do you make sure you stop spending too much time glancing around the internet for ideas, and actually get off your bum to accomplish some of the said tasks?! šŸ˜‰

Fun as a Family

Sometimes you just have to have some fun with the people you love most, no matter what other crazy things are keeping you busy or distracted. šŸ™‚
And that’s what we did recently, as our little family went out on a bowling & pizza date! We had a blast, and it was wonderful to embrace some “now” which is fleeting and sweet.

We’re about to go down some really big roads, which are going to be flanked by some great giants. I expect many of them to be taunting me, throwing things at me, maybe even grabbing at my hair or tripping me with unseen sticks. But even in the midst of walking a road flanked by giants, I want to make sure that I am focusing on some marvelous things: like a delightful husband, and three little children whose lives are inexplicable miracles (that’s redundant, but too true). Time is flying. And I want to enjoy life now. I want to laugh. I want toĀ  be thankful. I want to make a difference. I want to effect kingdoms and generations through the lives I shape now. I want to leave a wake. Lord, help me. Help me to see what you would have me to do, and take my eyes off the giants and focus them on You, Your kingdom, Your people, Your work given into my feeble hands.

ClichƩs are true.
Time flies.
You canā€™t take it with you.
You donā€™t know what you got till itā€™s gone.
Dust to dust.
In the ground, we all have empty hands.
Enjoy life now.
And now.
And now.
Before the nows are gone.
See the gifts. Savor the food, knowing that you will have to swallow.
~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p109~

Classy shoes Gabriel bowling Asher bowling with Daddy Evangeline helped Mommy bowl; or took the blame when I missed all the pins! Steven loves bowling... precious little miracles, having fun with Mommy My sweetest biggest boy! Asher's turn, with Mommy and Evangeline to cheer him on!

Drink your wine.
Laugh from your gut.
Burden your moments with thankfulness.
Be as empty as you can be when that clock winds down.
Spend your life.
And if time is a river, may you leave a wake.
~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p117~

Frozen

I think it has been a month now since I have really cooked a truly proper dinner from scratch. I’ve done cop-out type simple dinners like eggs and toast, but mostly I have been using my reserve of freezer meals. And it makes me so sad to use them up. I filled up the freezer last summer & fall during the months that we spent trying to conceive ~ I knew that I would need them either when dealing with morning sickness or in the case of a miscarriage. I knew that, one way or the other, I would not be up for cooking real meals for a while. So I’m using them according to the purpose for which they were made ~ according to one of the two possible purposes anyway.

And it just makes me sad that I’m using them for this reason. That I have to rely on freezer meals because my grief is so encompassing that I can’t cope with cooking, rather than because my body is so busy tending to my little daughter’s nurture and protection that I don’t have the energy to stand for that long.

 

I long for spring. The spring of life that follows winter’s death. I need resurrection.

Thirty Thankful Thoughts

This last week, I finally reached the blessing of being thirty years old! And in light of this gift of continued life by the grace of my Father in heaven, I wanted to highlight thirty things for which I am extremely thankful. Iā€™m humbled to be given the gift of life, thirty whole years of breathing oxygen thus far, and especially to have the gift of a redeemed life by graceā€¦ and just want to share (in purposefully random order) some specific thankfulnesses with you.

Psalm 107:8-9
Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.

1. The one husband God has given me makes me dizzy with thankfulnessā€”each day with him is a cause for praise. That I get to fall asleep in his embrace, cry on his chest, laugh in harmony with him, be the one he comes home to every night, gaze at his handsome profile across the table as he interacts with our children. That we create memories together, that we fill in gaps for one another, that we sharpen one another in our unity and diversity, that we serve the same God and build the same Kingdom, that my people are his people, that his family is now mine too, that our families melded into one. That his red hair complexion and his love of the psalmist David are what first drew me in, and are still two of the things that continue to draw me deeper every day.

2. Grace. The incredible, indelible grace of God, and how He graciously gives me so much of it that I simply want to let grace pour off of me and onto others around me. That I donā€™t have to understand it to receive it. That I donā€™t have to recreate it in order to reproduce it and regift itā€”because I canā€™t.

3. The written word, and the ability to write words with simple little taps of my fingers (talk about a grace). I donā€™t know what I would do without written wordsā€”Iā€™m so thankful for written words.

4. My daily toil. The fact that I am called to daily toil. The specific daily toil God has put before me. The repetitive nature of that daily toil. How I get to improve on the same little tasks all the time. The way I get to try out new things all the time. That my toil involves making beauty, making messes, making chaos and making order in turn, making new things old and old things new. That it is for glory and because of glory. That it is good toil. That it aids generationsā€”both the ones that eat its fruit now, and those that will glean from its dropped fruit in the future.

5. Windows, both physical and metaphorical. For my eyes to see that the world is much bigger than I regularly remember. For the sun to stream in. For dimply little faces to press against, peer through, cover with mouthmarks and fingerprints.

6. Theology (particularly right theology, hah!). That it helps me understand God and Scripture. That there is always more to glean. That it challenges meā€”that it makes me think, makes me need to know, makes me want to grow. That it shows me Gospel and grace. That it shapes me, that I cannot shape it.

7. My musical instrumentsā€”the one that I frequently play and the ones I desire to play more frequently. I am thankful for these things, made from wood, metal, gutā€”touched, plucked, thumped, fingered by meā€”full of vibrations, air, movement. That sound gets from these things into our earsā€”that these sounds reach my soul in ways not much else does. That the layer of dust on these musical instruments has not ruined that magic. That I can work harder, day by day, on including more music in my daily toil. And that if it doesnā€™t happen, thereā€™s grace for that too.

8. Dates with my husby. Whether at home or out on the town, spur of the moment or planned in advance. Nightly connecting through conversation, weekly cheese & wine dates, occasional family dates on a weekend, the gift of ā€œjust usā€ dates for shopping or coffee or calendar-planning. I am thankful for time spent together (which is really the only qualifier to us as far as ā€œdateā€ goes), and thankful that weā€™re only 6 Ā½ years into the married laneā€”that means we, God willing, have many more dates ahead of us than behind us!

9. Water. What a giftā€”and what a picture, too.

10. The blessing of life, and that not only have I been given that gift myself but I have been given the gift of interacting with other livesā€”sharing life together with other livesā€”family, and friends who are as dear as family. The incredible fact that lives have even been made, created, formed, grown inside of my own body. The challenge of life, and how it reminds me that I need that Creator to continue creating and sustainingā€”because Iā€™m just dust, and we know what happens when dust is left to itself. (Reallyā€”just look at my piano.)

11. My eleven childrenā€”they are such a unique blessing to me, and I am so thankful for each one of them. I never knew I wanted to be a mommy to eleven childrenā€¦ and if Iā€™m honest, there is a big part of me that still doesnā€™t know I want that. But I am thankful for each child God has given to me. Iā€™m so thankful to know that life in eternity is going to be so much bigger than life here on earthā€”each of these children has a calling, a purpose, a place in the history of Godā€™s world and universe and plan. I am thankful that He chose to use my humble womb to add to His Kingdom. I didnā€™t know before just exactly what an incredible mercy that isā€”and I still canā€™t put it into words. I still canā€™t believe I have eleven children.

12. The internet. But you canā€™t blame me for this one, because without it, I would not have met my husbandā€”and that is a slippery slope to all kinds of horrible ā€œwould not have beensā€ that are the makings of nightmares. Plus, in the wake of grief, the Christian community God has given me via the internet has been an incredible grace. And then thereā€™s always the perk of quick communication, and easy access toā€¦ wellā€¦ just about anything in the world.

13. Crying. I am thankful for tears, and the strange gift of crying them.

14. The Psalmsā€”reading them, singing them, praying them, writing them out, memorizing them, reciting them. So much found in the Psalter resonates with me, and I am so thankful that God in His sovereign grace gave us those 150 chapters to cling to as we walk through life and face so many of the emotions and scenarios that are addressed therein. The Psalms really remind me that Scripture is for me.

15. Foodā€”cooking, baking, eating together, watching Food Network shows, its smells, its tastes, its allegories, its chemistry, its artistryā€”and how it reminds me of my mother.

16. Hot coffee, especially when it is creamy and frothy with sweetness and milkiness.

17. Woodā€”its strength, its grain, its versatility, its smell, its many facets, its presence in my home in various manifestations, the metaphors it paintsā€”and how it reminds me of my father.

18. A bedroom that smells of Yankee candles, massage lotion, and freshly showered skin. ā€˜Nuff said.

19. Fresh breadā€”making it, smelling it, eating it, slicing it, breaking it together with those I love. What a gift, and what a picture it shows of Godā€™s active grace.

20. I am thankful for Sunday. For worship and the depth and breadth of that, which I cannot fully comprehend. That I get to covenantally ascend into heaven on Sunday and worship with my entire familyā€”that I get to share this not only with my children here but my children there too. For fellowship and the love that oozes from conversations, hugs, candies, handshakesā€”the passing of the peace and the breaking of bread that flows from the grace and Gospel ridden worship of Christā€™s people in the beauty of holiness. For rest in varied forms. For laughter like on no other day of the week. For our family traditionsā€”popcorn, ice cream, and movies with the kids; wine, cheese, and chocolate with my husbandā€”for the way this day of the week embodies and influences our family culture for the other six.

21. Siblings. That word is fat and full to me, and I am thankful for the what, how, and why of that.

22. That in the course of my life I have had the unique privilege of not only knowing all four of my grandparents (and got to meet two of my husbandā€™s grandparents), but also four great-grandparents and one great-great-grandmotherā€”while I do not claim to fully comprehend the multitude of blessings that come from such multigenerational living, I do heartily acknowledge and embrace that there is indeed a multitude of blessings that I continue to reap from having known and loved (and been known and loved by) these ancestors of mine.

23. Living in the country, with trees and mountains, fields and wildlife as my close neighbors. And as the icing on the cake, living here in a house that we designed together and oversaw the building process together, and now consider it our privilege to turn it into our home and family refuge. There is more thankfulness in that than I can describe.

24. Hands. I love hands. I love having hands, holding hands, seeing hands at work, using my hands, massaging with my hands, feeling hands rubbing my neck, helping hands learn new things.

25. Modern medicine. In more ways than I could begin to describe, and for more reasons than you need to know.

26. Wisdom: the pursuit of her, the winning of her, the fruit of her, the love of her, the challenge of her, the Book of Wisdom about her, the fight for her, the desire for her, the receiving of her.

27. I am thankful for gifts. Take that in as many facets as you can conjureā€”I mean it each way.

28. Two sons and a daughterā€”here with me today. Their dimples, their laughs, their cries, their creativity, their struggles, their victories, their outfits, their crazy questions, their interactions, their artwork on my fridge, their photos in my albums, their bodies embraced between my arms, their varied redhead shadesā€¦ I am thankful for everything about these three amazing children. So thankful that I get to be the one who daily participates in how God is shaping them, preparing them, using them, growing the Kingdom by them, and battling the Enemy through them.

29. Memoriesā€”they are hard to come by, but impossible to let go. And the scars they leave. Iā€™m thankful for each one, both the bitter and the sweet, that God has engraved into me.

30. For thirty years, my daddy & my mama have been my counselors, and have loved me more than I even know (and I know they love me pretty darn deeply). Iā€™m thankful for their hoary heads, the wisdom they impart, the love they shower, the grace they share, and how they not only keep covenant together so beautifully but encourage us to do the same. Iā€™m thankful they are my parents, my neighbors, my friends.

 

It is certainly just the tip of the icebergā€¦ but these are the first things that came to mind as I pondered thirty things which fill me with thankfulness. I thank my God and Father in heaven for giving these things to me, for giving me the eyes to see them, for giving me an avenue to share them so that He may be further glorified for His wondrous works. Amen.

Life, as I pray to embrace it

If life is a story, how shall we then live? It isnā€™t complicated (just hard). Take up your life and follow Him. Face trouble. Pursue it. Climb it. Smile at its roar like a tree planted by cool water even when your branches groan, when your golden leaves are stripped and the frost bites deep, even when your grip on this earth is torn loose and you fall among mourning saplings. ~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p83

P1160740 P1160742 P1160767

Lay your life down. Your heartbeats cannot be hoarded. Your reservoir of breaths is draining away. You have hands, blister them while you can. You have bones, make them strainā€”they can carry nothing in the grave. You have lungs, let them spill with laughter. ā€¦ I can be giving my fingers, my back, my mind, my words, my breaths, to my wife and my children and my neighbors, or I can grasp after the vapor and the vanity for myself, dragging my feet, afraid to die and therefore afraid to live. And, like Adam, I will still die in the end. ~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p84

Moments

I may not have a professional camera or Photoshop or anything else to remotely make my photographs anything officially *nice* but hey, I snap shots of my family and our life… and I love it. It’s the only way I can really stop time (even for a moment!), relive time, remember moments ~ so I do love it. And I love to share it. šŸ™‚ Because it’s so true that these moments are constantly slipping back into the rear view, and I am a total & complete amnesiac.

Snap a photo or two. Read verses about futility.
Watching oneā€™s small humans age and grow up packs a serious punch.
Itā€™s like being stuck in a dream unable to speak,
like being a ghost that can see but not touch,
like standing on a huge grate while a storm rains oiled diamonds,
like collecting feathers in a storm.
Parents in love with their kids are all amnesiacs,
trying to remember, trying to cherish moments, ghosts trying to hold the world.
Being mortals, having a finite mind
when surrounded by joy that is perpetually rolling back into the rear view
is like always having something important on the tips of our tongues,
something on the tips ofĀ  our fingers,
always slipping away, always ducking our embrace.
~N.D. Wilson, Death by Living, p107

This is our Summer

Thanks be to God…. six years and ten arrows later… God’s faithfulness is still sure and His mercies are still new.
The time for singing has come, the rain is over and gone, flowers appear on the earth.

And we praise Him. This is a summer of immense blessing… again. And we are thankful. Thankful for faithfulness and mercy that overflow our home. Our cup runs over. Amen.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like…

Christmas!! Okay, well, that’s at least what Gabriel said when we woke up to a few inches of snow the other day. I think he was a wee bit disappointed when he realized that snow does not automatically equal Christmas. šŸ˜‰ But he was still rather excited that it meant pulling out snowclothes and going out to enjoy the sparkly white world! It lasted all weekend, and now it has doubled & is still snowing. What fun! It makes me even happier that my Christmas gift crafting is just about tied up, and my holiday baking plans are now being schemed & family Advent evenings are being planned.

We love this world God created, and where He has planted us. šŸ™‚

Life, Currently

Current Reads: My Life for Yours by Douglas Wilson, Face to Face by Steve Wilkins, The Complete Lord Peter Wimsey Stories by Dorothy Sayers.

Current Projects: Starting in on Christmas gift crafting. Lots of fun, but so far I’ve only made a good dent in planning and acquiring supplies. Now I actually get to jump in on the actual sewing and crafting, which of course is the best part. We’re also going to try to finish up some outdoor projects in the next eight weeks or so: finishing the back fence as well as the front porch ~ we’ll see how it goes.

Current Milestones: Steven & I are keeping up with our weekly family night & date night goals! Gabriel can tie shoes! Asher cut his first tooth! Tiny Ten is a wiggly babe!

Current Challenges: Managing the stomach flu making its rounds through the house. Figuring out how to maximize the 24Ā  hours each day God has granted us. Trying to get back into the routine of early-morning reading & prayer time with my husband. Coming up with fun, delicious, new recipes that will help me attain my goal of at least one meat-free dinner a week.

Current Weather: Positively perfect! Sunny and warmish, but with a breezy chill. Precisely what September ought to be. šŸ™‚

Current Music: Right now, it’s Up by Jamie Soles, and earlier it was Painted Red by JJ Heller.

Current Thanks: For my husband who works hard at his office job, then comes home to play hard with our boys, and work hard again with me in the evening routines, who sacrifices of himself for each of us. For my boys, who bring more joy to my life than I could imagine, and teach me so much about God, His world, His creation, and His story. For my parents, who have eagerly come alongside us, most recently when I was down & out with the flu ~ for not only their availability to help with our sweet boys, but for their enormous desire to do so, and the way they want to be involved in their everyday lives. For our church, and the community of people there who are seeking to grow in fellowship and faithfulness, and the ways we have been blessed to share in these things.

Current Photo Ops:

Summer Sweetness

And while I’m not ready to divulge details or pictures or anything much pertaining to Tiny Ten… please know that YES, our Tiny Ten is growing and strong! The mercy of God in this is incredibly kind and beyond humbling!