Thoughts on “grace” ~ a link

“Grace deals with sin purposefully.  It doesn’t make excuses.  It doesn’t ignore, soften, or cast a blind eye.

It approaches the sinner only after resting in grace himself and then he goes to the sinner, or child with a firm hand, but a compassionate heart.”

Click here for the rest of the short post by a former pastor and dear friend of ours, Ben Alexander. We sure miss Ben in our community (he was called away to another church, and we know God is sovereign), and are thankful for the internet as a medium which allows us to continue gleaning of his wisdom.

His thoughts here on grace being persuasive and winsome has been evidenced in our home in our discipline routines. I am so thankful for resources like this which God uses by His grace to pour out grace upon us so that we may then be equipped to shower grace upon grace on the heads of our children.

Baking Bread with my Big Boy

I know this articleis going around a lot online (at least in the reformed community) right now, and I’ve heard that people are specifically tweeting, facebooking, and blogging this quote from it:

A friend of mine, a homeschool mom, just passed away of cancer. In the week before she died, I asked her if she had any regrets in her life. She told me she wished she had baked less bread – she said if she had it to do over again she would buy bread and spend more time with her children.

But pardon me, if I may: one thing that I will not say on my death bed is that I wish I would have baked less bread. One of the best memories I can give my child(ren) is the gift of cooking & baking alongside me. (Perhaps that was this woman’s downfall? Shoving her kids aside and separating spending time with her children from doing other work? I don’t know, I can’t say, just reading between the lines in this out-of-context quote. And yes, I did read the entire article: and no, I did not very much like it.) Sharing in work and play and joy together. Learning and talking and laughing. Dumping in fluffy flour, making messes, punching down squishy dough, cleaning the messes & washing the dishes together while listening to music, watching the dough rise and being amazed at how it grows, smelling the deliciousness of baking all the way from the backyard where we took a soccer break, slathering on the butter when the bread was still steaming, and biting into the warm & crunchy goodness. So I just want to offer my perspective here. If there is one thing I am attempting to do more in my motherhood, it is include my child(ren) more in “my” world. If I were to die tomorrow, I would be so incredibly thankful that I have taken the time to (among other things) cook and bake from scratch, and include my child(ren) in the process, because it is life-changing and joy-giving for all of us ~ not because it is part of what will sanctify myself or my children, because the method makes no difference, but because it is such a beautiful opportunity to work together, rejoice together, and share together in some of God’s goodness.

I’ve got photo evidence of my big boy’s bread-baking joy for you. Wish you could hear his glee, feel the freshly ground grain in between your fingers, smell the rich bread, and share a crusty loaf with us. It’s like God’s goodness for all of my senses right here, right now. We’re loving it; and Gabriel especially loves his own little miniature round loaves. 🙂

UPDATE FINALE: on our Precious Baby Nine!

There’s no reason to waste words when pictures contain one thousand each, according to folklore. 😀

 

That’s right, friends, our Baby Nine is another sweet Baby Boy! What a blessing it will be for Gabriel to have a little brother, and for the little brother to have such a wonderful big brother to look up to & emulate. We’re positively overjoyed.

Genesis 48:9

“They are my sons , whom God has given me here.”

My 20-week ultrasound was this morning at 8, and I can’t tell you how amazing the ultrasound experience was. I couldn’t really see the screen very well, but everyone else could and they adored it. I loved watching their faces (to give my craned neck a break, lol). The sonographer was just incredible, talking us through the whole thing and pointing out all kinds of things to us. (He kept remarking on how easy Baby and I were to scan, and how he wished he had students to teach on us! lol) Everything is healthy! Not a single thing wrong with this baby! Such a relief and comfort to my heart. :happytears: Baby is still measuring a week ahead too, so I guess that trend is just going to continue! I don’t know if that means I’ll need to mentally prepare to deliver on the earlier side or not. (?)
And obviously as Gabriel displayed for you, we’re having a Baby Boy!! So “Baby Nine” can now be called “Baby Boy” I guess! :D
So we were able to get some “Big Brother”/”Little Brother” outfits, and Mama spoiled me with a couple more maternity things! :wub: It was surreal to be walking through baby stores without bawling. It was still bittersweet (I don’t think that will ever go away until I’m dead and in heaven!), but it was better. I was even able to buy my niece an outfit and one of my best friends an outfit for the baby girl she delivered this morning. So I bought boy stuff for myself and girl stuff for others, and hardly cried (I did tear up…) when walking through the baby stores. What a red-letter day!! And now I get to tell the world about our healthy, beautiful, medical-miracle Baby Boy! :)

I’m continuing to be so humbled and thankful. It’s just beyond words. The Lord’s faithfulness astounds me. His mercies leave me breathless.

As far as other things with Baby Nine go (and nope, we’re not sharing his name! He’s definitely named… his name has been waiting for him for at least three years!, but I think y’all can endure the suspense for a couple more months…), things have been going swimmingly. He has been healthy and super active the whole pregnancy. He gets hiccups a lot too, which is fun; just like his big brother. Grandpapa, Grandmama, Gabriel, and especially Daddy have all enjoyed feeling our tiny boy’s strong kicks. He’s already even bounced a book and the laptop off my lap! He’s a strong one, that’s for sure.

Medically speaking, things have gotten progressively easier as the weeks have gone on. For the first trimester, I was “a walking pharmacy” as they say. With three injections every day and nearly a dozen pills, it was difficult to keep track of everything, but God gave me the coherence I needed at the time to stay on top of it. Weekly ultrasounds and twice-or-thrice weekly bloodwork kept me on my toes as well. I enjoyed good morning sickness for the first 16+ weeks, too, which was kind of a first for me. It was refreshing, although of course it is always miserable to feel miserable, no matter how thankful I was for feeling miserable. 🙂

Emotionally speaking, this journey is far from normal. I have learned to embrace the woman/mother God has made me, and not regret the fact that I can not be “a normal pregnant woman,” either medically or emotionally. I don’t want to resent the person God made me just from how He spoke me into being and also from the journey He has had me on. So I am learning to be thankful that I am different. Thankful for my somewhat-unique perspective on pregnancy. Thankful for my struggles. Thankful for my worries. Thankful that He has molded me into someone who simply can not take life (or babies or pregnancy or medicine or whatever) for granted. Thankful that He has given me a history that I can continue using for His glory, as my children proclaim God’s faithfulness (through lives and through deaths), and as Steven and I are able to come alongside so many other [hundreds of] couples who grieve over deaths of their children.

So pregnancy continues to be humbling. It even continues to be scary. But because I know the weightier sides of it, I also know how much more glorious the lighter sides are. Because I know the deep darkness, I see the light even more brightly. I know deeper griefs but I truly believe I am also able -therefore-to know deeper joys. I consider that a privilege, even though it has been a hard-earned badge.

While I do not post as frequently as many women do about pregnancy/baby things, I am going to endeavor to do it a little more often now that we are in the second half of Baby Nine’s journey in the womb. We have been astounded by the amount of prayers and encouragement we have received over the last twenty weeks, and praise the Lord for each of you that have upheld us before the Father’s Throne of Grace. Thank you for bending your knees alongside us. Thank you for bearing our burdens with us to lighten our load. Thank you for continuing to do this!

I don’t have any great pictures of our youngest son to share with you, but here’s the best I can offer. It’s a front-on view, with the top of his head to the left and his chin to the right. The Lord be praised, for this boy is frightfully and wonderfully made!!

Psalm 139:13-14

“For You formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works;
my soul knows it very well.”

UPDATE on Parenting [Gabriel]

One of my greatest tasks these days is parenting Gabriel. There are so many facets to this calling of mine! It is my greatest joy, privilege, responsibility, time-consumer, and challenge. For instance, click here to read another great article by Rachel Jankovic on the calling of motherhood—it isn’t a leftover activity for someone who is mediocre at everything else, and it isn’t something to pursue because you happen to think kids are cute: it’s a righteous calling, and if God blesses you with it, you ought to rejoice and embrace it because you are forming generations in each child you raise in your home. It’s so huge. But Rachel puts the hugeness into a concise little article you’ve simply got to read. Really. I mean it.

Okay. Plug for that article aside… I am more thankful that I can tell you that God has blessed me with the privilege of being Gabriel’s mother for over three years, and I am humbly excited about continuing on this journey for the rest of my life! Parenting changes over time, but it never goes away. It’s a fluid calling, though, and I am constantly praying for wisdom in how to adapt to the ever-changing aspects that God calls me to incorporate into my parenting skills-set.

 

DISCIPLING

The spiritual aspect of parenthood is, obviously, probably the most important and prevalent. It isn’t just what I teach Gabriel with my words that teaches him about his God or trains him in the ways of the Lord—it is everything about my life. How I interact with him, how I interact with others, how I show respect and love for his father, how we speak about his siblings, how we treat our home and our family and our neighbors, how we prioritize, the things I do and say and am from day to day! I am prayerfully seeking to live out a beautiful gospel to him so that God his Father would be more attractive in his eyes due to the way he is discipled and parented, rather than less so. Gabriel loves to pray and sing, he loves to have us read the Bible to him, he loves communion, he loves church. Really, he just loves to worship his Creator! It is beautiful to see him growing up as a child of God. I am so thankful to know that he belongs to God. It is beautiful and humbling. If you ask him, “Gabriel, who do you belong to?” he will readily tell you, “I belong to God”—nobody can doubt it.

At church, Gabriel has the blessing of sitting with not only his parents but also his grandparents. It is a blessing to have generations worshipping together in a single pew. Gabriel sits, stands, kneels, prays, sings, holds his Bible during Scripture readings (he wants to read along, but of course that’s a work-in-progress…), and sits quietly during sermons (he likes to play with Grandmama’s bracelets, or draw in his notebook, or “read” his Bible, or sometimes eat funfruits…). He loves to put his hands up at the end of the service when we sing the Gloria Patri. I frequently am up on stage playing piano, and sometimes I’ll see him signaling to me “I’m obeying, Mommy” because he loves to obey and please his parents and “make God happy.”

We are continuing to work on catechizing Gabriel, although I’ve been taking it slower than I had originally hoped. It’s my fault, not Gabriel’s. He latches onto things much more quickly than his mother does. I am thinking of starting to have him memorize some little Scripture verses. He has already memorized so many psalms and hymns and liturgical songs, so I know he could do it easily. I just have to pick which ones to start with him.

 

DISCIPLINE

Discipline is an area of parenting that really does change frequently as the child grows, as the sins change, and as we mature together as a family under God’s guidance. We are constantly seeking grace and wisdom from God our Father as Steven and I desire to raise our son, and discipline him, according to the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Gabriel is very receptive to discipline, he knows the beauty of forgiveness (both giving and receiving), and his confessions of sins (especially for ones I don’t see him commit) are humbling and beautiful examples even to his own mother.

I am learning to be more vigilant in some areas and more lax in other areas as Gabriel grows and boundaries change. It is a challenge for me, but I am thankful for the grace God gives me in this.

I am also endeavoring to remember not to “share” my son’s particular sins in public. That is something that I think is really important, and so I am seeking to be diligent in that. I don’t think it’s wrong to say to another mom, “I’ve been there” or “we’ve struggled with that too” for the purpose of mutual edification in godly motherhood. But I am not going to vent to someone about a sin my son committed or go into detail about our struggles in a certain area—I want my son to grow up knowing that his parents have always respected his position in our home and that when we forgive him for a sin, we seek to emulate God by putting it as far from us as the east is from the west. I seek wisdom and diligence in this as well.

 

GABRIEL’S INTERESTS

This boy of ours loves such a variety of things! He loves to cook and clean and shadow Mommy all day; he loves to mow the lawn with Daddy and go to the hardware store with Daddy; he loves lemonade, cherries, ice cream, and root beer; he loves to play computer games (Grandpapa taught him how to play cards on his desktop and he can do Hearts all by himself!) and board games; he loves T-ball and soccer and all sorts of running games; he loves to be tickled and chased and play hide-and-seek; he loves going for drives in the car and he loves being at home; he loves spending the night at my parents’ house and he loves going to our new house to see what our builder (who he admires) has been up to and he always asks to see his room and Baby’s room.

Gabriel enjoys playdough and coloring and painting and stickers and “writing his name.”

He loves to cuddle in bed with us (he adores Saturday mornings just for that reason), watch movies together (we’ve taken to doing family movie nights occasionally, usually streaming Thomas The Tank Engine or some equivalent), read books for as long as we’ll oblige, and he has a fascination with pulling up my shirt and talking to Baby and trying diligently to feel kicks & wiggles.

Our boy can make anything into a toy, which I know isn’t unique to him but it still cracks me up. So often, even an hour after he’s been in bed, we’ll hear him talking to his hands (usually one is Gabriel and one is Grandmama) and taking them on a bulldozer ride. He has a really active imagination and loves to play with invisible things, which of course keeps me guessing as to what he’s doing or who he’s playing with.

Gabriel loves photography—and I have to say, he’s got talent. He has his own little Fisher Price digital camera, but he much prefers Mommy’s or Grandmama’s real digital cameras. He takes great pictures, centers things, and is actually surprisingly artistic with some of his work. We’ve talked about printing them up into a book for him of his own photography.

Gabriel loves learning. He is going to push me hard as a homeschooling mom, I think! He knows lots of colors and shapes, he knows all his uppercase letters and most of his lowercase letters, and we’re just about to start working hard on numbers now. Although I tried doing some sit-down type preschool things with him when he was 2 ½, I learned that it just wasn’t the right time for us. But now at just over 3, he seems more interested and like it would be something he would truly enjoy. So I am thinking of incorporating some more Totally Tots type things into our life over the next couple of months, and seeing how he likes intentional learning time with Mommy. I think he will enjoy it… but we’ll see how it progresses.

 

CURRENT ENDEAVORS

Besides getting ready to start some more intentional, purposed learning (I guess you could call it “preschool” but that term sometimes turns me off, honestly) with him—like recognizing numbers, getting more confident with lowercase letters, beginning math, etc—we are currently working on a few other things as well.

Beginning today, we are doing the hard work of giving up thumb-sucking. Ack! It’s a pretty big deal for this mommy actually. We’ve been gearing him up for it over the last week, telling him that we would soon be instituting a rule of “blankie and thumb are only for in bed” (because he only sucks his thumb when he’s got his blankie)—and then today we instituted it. So far he has been very brave and compliant, for which I am so thankful. He likes being a big boy, so he understands that this is one of those steps in growing up. We have been so thankful that Gabriel has been a thumb-sucker (from about three months old!), so it’s hard for me to be excited about asking him to work on giving it up. I realize it will be a process, and it will likely have its ups and downs… unless, of course, it’s as simple as potty training was last winter! God gives great grace even for these “small” things we work through; what a blessing!

Another thing we are working on is speaking to strangers. Gabriel vacillates between two extremes: talking peoples’ heads off and not wanting to respond at all. I know this is very normal for a three year old, but it’s something we are working on balancing. It is another obvious work in progress, and I am thankful that we’ve got a smart, diligent, obedient boy to be working with. That’s another great blessing.

 

WRAP IT UP

Besides being thankful for Gabriel’s life, curiosity, tenderness, energy, and stamina, we are also thankful for the testimony he is of God’s grace—in our home as well as in public. We prayerfully seek to use this testimony for the furtherance of God’s Kingdom and the glorifying of Him alone. In our home, in our neighborhood, at church, amongst our friends, at the grocery store… in all of these places, we are thankful that God gives us an opportunity to show His faithfulness and kindness simply by having Gabriel’s life present with us. We are thankful that His grace is evidenced in Gabriel’s growth, attitude, vivacity, and demeanor.

As we seek to be good stewards of this tremendous blessing, we are humbled that God has chosen us for this calling. To show God’s covenantal faithfulness to the watching world is humbling to us and glorifying to Him. Thanks be to God!

 

Thoughts from My Heart

This morning over at Held, you can find a post written from my heart. Read it here.

When I was asked to write something for their What Not To Say series, I had a few ideas, but one that pressed more strongly upon my heart of late and stood out among the rest. This is something I continue to struggle with now, as I fight the tendency of people around me to imply that Baby Nine could in any way replace Hosanna, Victory, Mercy, Peace, Promise, or Glory ~ just like Gabriel didn’t replace Covenant when I carried him in my womb. As I say in the short article, death is death, no matter how much life is left in its wake.

May the Lord encourage you today, hold you against His tender Father’s bosom, and sharpen us all as iron against iron.

Embracing the Moment

This morning, Gabriel begged me to climb back into my bed so he could cuddle with me. How could I say no to that?! So instead of getting up and doing my typing, I embraced the moment of cuddles and lovin’ and chatting with my precious little boy. *happy sigh*

After a minute of quiet snuggling, he looked at me and said, “where are my brothers and sisters?” As my eyes filled with tears that I successfully hid from him in the dim room, I said, “most of them live in heaven; one of them lives in my tummy.” He contemplated that for a moment and then responded, “they live with God.” “Yes, they do.” “I will ask God to bring them back to me, Mommy.” I explained to him that it doesn’t work that way, but that someday God will take Gabriel to live in heaven with Him too, and that’s when he will see those brothers and sisters again.

“I love my brothers and sisters,” he said. I cried silently and said, “so does Mommy. We all love them very much.” “God loves them too,” he told me. “Yes, yes He does.”

Then he wanted to wiggle under the covers, rub my belly, and kiss Baby 9 about half a dozen times. He scooted back up to put his head on the pillow next to mine and said, “I love this baby too. He can come out and play. He’s big now.” I explained that this baby wasn’t big enough yet, and that God would keep this baby in Mommy’s tummy until it was big enough to really come out and play. “God won’t take him to heaven?” he asked. I didn’t really know how to answer that. I can not see the future. I do not know how many days are numbered for this child, any more than I know my own. “We pray that God will not take this baby to heaven for a long time; this baby belongs to Him, but sometimes God shows us His love by allowing a baby to stay on earth. Like He did with you.”

There was some silence. Then the thumb popped out of the mouth again, and my sweet Gabriel said, in very quick succession, “I want to pray for God to keep my baby safe. I want to ask God for brothers and sisters. I like brothers and sisters. I love our baby. I don’t want heaven yet, Mommy. I will pray for God to keep us safe.”

And he did.

And I cried because it was beautiful and pure and honest. :happytears:

So now, much much later than usual, I am finally sitting down to do my typist work. My schedule is off for the day, but oh how thankful I am that I tossed conventionality out the window this morning and embraced the moment to cuddle with my Gabriel, else I would have missed out on that beautiful conversation with that precious saint whose life and words and prayers glorify our Father in heaven.

Ministering at Home

Something I have long believed in very strongly is that my greatest mission field (at this point in my life especially) is right here on the home-front. In my own home. Amongst my own family. I impact generations by what I do today.

People so often emphasize the mission field or even ministering in your local church that often the enormous ministry of ministering at home is overlooked, or—at the very least—under-emphasized.

I was brought to tears (call it raging hormones if you must) by Rachel Jankovic’s beautiful descriptions and timely encouragement in this arena today as I read an article she guest-posted at Desiring God.
Please click here and read this wonderful source of truth and exhortation.

“At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.”

“Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.”

Amen!! May the Lord mightily equip us in our homes as we share the gospel, effect His Kingdom for generations, and sacrifice our very selves daily for the furthering of His glory.

Music for Little Saints

Psalm 9:11
“Sing praises to the LORD, who sits enthroned in Zion!
Tell among the peoples His deeds!”

A number of weeks ago I wrote about how I have been trying to incorporate the Small Child’s Catechism into my discipleship of Gabriel. We haven’t added lots of questions yet, but we’ve got a handful & they’re down pat. Gabriel has also turned a corner in suddenly asking all kinds of questions: mostly about God and heaven and respect and obedience… you know, super good stuff that really challenges this mommy to learn how to put big concepts of Truth into phrases and littler concepts that he can understand and absorb.

Anyway… one of my friends pointed out something in a comment on that previous post that I wanted to follow up on. Music is a truly excellent way to work on discipling our little saints. It’s a truth that I have clung to for years! Back when I was a little girl in Sunday School I struggled to memorize the weekly Bible verses. I have never been known for having a good memory, and memorizing passages of Scripture has certainly never come easily for me. But my dad knew precisely how to help: put the words to music, and I could memorize anything. So he, being a very creative dad/guitarist, would come up with tunes for my verses so that I could literally sing them to my teachers. You know, so I could obtain that oh-so-important piece of candy (or whatever the incentive was…) like the rest of the kids.

Memorizing songs has always been the best way for me to memorize anything. Scripture is no exception. It’s still like that for me even today. I know Psalms better than any other book of the Bible because we have spent over a dozen years singing through psalms in The Book of Psalms for Singing and in Cantus Christi. I also can remember all kinds of random pieces of Scripture that my dad put to music when I was little that he would sing with me and for me almost every day of the year (sweet memories). Things like Isaiah 26:3 and John 17.

Psalm 30:4
“Sing praises to the LORD, O you His saints,
and give thanks to His holy name.”

Gabriel has shown a love of, and talent for, music since he was extremely tiny. He comes by it naturally. 🙂 But we have also worked to inculcate a culture of music into our home ~ specifically Christian music. Now, when I was particularly young, I remember singing along with Psalty the Singing Songbook and The Donut Man ~ and yes, I can still sing some of those ones too! 😉 And while there is nothing wrong with them that I can think of, they aren’t necessarily the best. And why would I want my own son, this little saint who has been entrusted to our care, to have anything but the best I can find for him? Of course, obviously, “the best” will be highly subjective and that’s okay too. My job is to train him for the Kingdom to the best of my ability by God’s grace, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. My responsibility is before God. Just like yours is. The Lord gives us each wisdom, He directs each of us, and He provides things for our families ~ so I recognize that what may be best for us may not necessarily be best for you.

Psalm 89:1
“I will sing of the steadfast love of the LORD, forever;
with my mouth I will make known Your faithfulness to all generations.”

Filling up our home and our car with Scripture set to music has been such a blessing for us! How thankful I am that I get Scripture stuck in my head throughout the day. What could be better?! Well, I can top that for you: I am even more thankful that I hear my little boy singing Scripture throughout the day. Ah, the glories of a little saint who loves the Lord and loves His music! Gabriel mostly sings music from the Cantus, since that is what he most often hears his parents sing (at church, family worship, bedtime, etc). He knows the Sanctus, the Gloria Patri, the Lord’s Prayer, God that Madest Earth and Heaven, Holy Holy Holy, Psalm 128… I know there are more but they’re slipping my mind at the moment. All this to say: it is truly glorious and rather humbling to hear these praises streaming from the mouth of a little three year old boy from hour to hour throughout the day. He literally goes to bed singing, wakes up singing, and sings two dozen times in-between. During meals, we often have to remind him that he ought to finish eating before he starts another song. 😉

Psalm 98:4
“Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth;
break forth into joyous song and sing praises!”

Another way that we have recently been saturating our home with Scripture put to music, is by the ABC Bible Memory Verse Songs CD that I reviewed not long ago for a homeschooling magazine. I have been delighted to memorize these, and am eager to see Gabriel start memorizing them more as well.

A longer-standing musical presence in our CD library has been a collection of discs by Jamie Soles. While Gabriel used to prefer the more child-geared CDs like “Fun and Prophets” and “The Way My Story Goes” (which have lots of Bible stories put to music, lists of the kings of Israel, the geneology of Christ, the Apostles’ Creed, the books of the Bible, etc) he has recently shown a bigger fondness for the Scripture-set-to-music discs like “Pure Words” and “Ascending.” These are excellent resources for ways to hide the Word in your heart, saturate your children with words inspired by the Spirit, and fill your home with tasteful music.

A few months ago we were given a CD by Nathan Clark George called “Pull Up A Chair.” Our favorite songs on the disc are the ones that are straight from Scripture, or close to it. But his music is another resource for good music for the whole family; not only the texts but the music as well.

I have heard of other good music resources specifically geared toward kids, such as Songs for Saplings and Seeds Family Worship. I have never yet gotten my hands on any of those discs, but have listened to some clips online and think they might be fairly good as well.

Psalm 104:33
“I will sing to the LORD as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have being.”

I love having music geared for children, but I am an even bigger fan of having music that is appropriate for the entire family. If I’m going to have a little ditty stuck in my head all day, I don’t want it to be something meaningless and annoying (like Pop Goes The Weasel or The Wheels On The Bus or whatever else we all grew up singing!) when I could have it be wonderful gospel-truths or portions straight from Scripture. Teaching our children how to praise God with their hearts and their words and their songs is such an incredible responsibility, privilege, and joy.
How excellent it is to have good things filling our hearts and flowing out from our mouths ~ not to mention, the hearts and mouths of the littles in our homes.

Psalm 8:1-2
“O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is Your name in all the earth!
You have set Your glory above the heavens.
Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
You have established strength because of Your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.”

Maybe Baby

Since I don’t have the “normal” luxury of saying things like, “we’re having a baby” or “my due date is xxx” or “Gabriel is going to be a big brother again,” there are a lot of “maybe“s and “if“s and “we’ll see“s in my conversations these days.
This reminded me of a poem I wrote when I was pregnant with my little boy, Hosanna, last fall. I don’t know if I ever shared it here or not. I can’t remember. But it feels true again even now. I find myself somewhere in the middle of this poem currently. Knowing that today this baby is alive ~ what an incredible, surprising, stunning thing! One we will never ever take for granted.
But there is still the “maybe” factor, even if it is only because of my history. While Number Nine has given us zero indication that he/she will head to heaven anytime soon, there is always that question for us. There is always the qualifier of “maybe.”
So here I share with you the poem I wrote called “Maybe Baby.”

Maybe Baby
by MJC, October 2010

This might be the month
When I will conceive you in my womb.
Or just as likely, this might not be.
But I cling to the hope of that tiny chance.
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

This two week wait feels endless
As I wait to find out the truth.
Are you there? Are you created?
Or will we begin this circle all over again?
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

I thought I saw two pink lines
But now I just can’t tell.
Going cross-eyed staring at the test,
Nobody else can confirm or deny ~ are you here?
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

Waiting for the lab to ring
To tell us what facts my blood revealed.
Soon I will know if you are here
Inside me, in my womb ~ or not.
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

You’re here! You’re real! Alive!
One hurdle down, a hundred more to go.
Don’t know how long I have you,
Perhaps not long, perhaps many years.
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

I tell myself not to think of milestones:
Don’t let my brain head down that path.
Maternity clothes, kicks, hiccups, waddling…
Will we reach that point together ~ you and me?
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

Will my belly get round, and its button pop out?
Will your brother be able to feel your kicks?
Will you hear your daddy talking to you?
Will we get to kiss you, hold you, raise you?
Maybe, baby; just maybe.

The one thing I know for certain, little one,
Is that you are alive. Amen!
You are an immortal, and we will live forever;
Together for eternity, no matter what earth holds.
Not maybe, baby; not just maybe.

Mother’s Day 2011

Mother’s Day is always bittersweet for me. It reminds me of the precious children who I anticipate reuniting with in the glories of heaven when my Father calls me home. And it makes me thankful for the son I am blessed to mother here on earth, and the child who inhabits my womb (what a tremendous mercy) even now. And it overwhelms me with gratefulness for the gift of devoted and godly mama, mom-in-law, and grandma who remain with me on the earth. It reminds me of the grandmother who I loved and who I miss.

It reminds me of the beauties of womanhood and the fruitfulness that God blesses us with, even when it is tainted with bitterness. Go to [http://naomiscircle.weebly.com/2/post/2011/05/proverbs-31-for-pregnancy-loss.html] to read my friend Kristi’s take on Proverbs 31, from the angle of a bereaved mother ~ it is beautiful.

And it reminds me that the monotony of every-day living is glorious, thanks to the glorifying work of God. In the very apt words of a dear friend of mine (if she is okay with me sharing her name, I will!),

Isn’t it amazing that God takes the daily humdrum and drama of living in a family (the never-ending service of washing loads of laundry and cleaning and drying dishes, and wiping faces and sweeping up after small feet, and reminding and re-reminding learning brains in what they need to and need not do, and so many more things that I neglect to mention), and turns it into the glory of growing His kingdom, of building healthy bodies and sound minds and Godly souls for eternity? It is one of the sad paradoxes of our world that so many people think this job is for the lazy, the incompetent or the small-minded, when it is the task that needs the most visionary and quick-minded and hard-working people to do it well!” ~R.J.D.

The Lord is good, my friends. My husband, my son, my baby, my in-laws, some particular friends… God has enabled these people to specifically bless me this weekend, even when my heart could be tempted to be overwhelmed by the bittersweetness, or by anxiety. God is good to give me rest in Him, and to remind me of His continued daily mercies which simply never end. Hallelujah!