My Wee Bibliophile

Asher has always loved books, with a passion and dedication that has long surprised us, literally from infancy.

And today, a month shy of 3 1/2, we sat together on the couch and he read to me.

I brought out some readers that Gabriel had used when he learned to read, and Asher quickly read me the first six without any mistakes. All by himself. Later, he proceeded to read to his father, his grandmama, and his grandpapa. He was ecstatic ~ we were so proud.

What a delight and a joy this blessed boy has always been… and this is just one more way that he delights and surprises me.
Not even 3 1/2 years old, and sounding out words and reading kindergarten books like a pro. He’d been reading signs to me for a while, but I had not realized somehow that he can actually read!
I’m so proud of my wee bibliophile.

April 26, 2015April 25, 2015

I will live myself to death for them

As Nate Wilson said, I am thankful
“for the people I am meant to live myself to death for.
For bigness. For smallness.
For bread. For wine.
For all they represent”
(Death by Living, p188).
May I live accurately,
according to this thankfulness in my heart.

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May I live myself to death for the people God has given me.

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April 24, 2015April 24, 2015

My Sweet Teen

Introducing my newest little covenantal creation, by the grace of the Holy Spirit & creative Word…

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This is our thirteenth child, the little guy I lovingly call Sweet Teen.
The beloved baby I hold now in the depths of my own body…
whose heart beats beneath my own…
whose precious limbs flail without me even feeling them yet…
this is the person I ache to look upon with my own eyes this autumn…
and until then, we pray and we hope and we rejoice…
I take medications and shots and adhere to dietary restrictions…
I rest and I puke and I ache…
and I give unabashed thanks every single day to the Author of life…
and it brings me such joy to share this glimpse with you
into the secret places where the Lord is secretly & miraculously weaving microscopic threads
into a little itty bitty person in His image
and in ours.

And I weep for joy
because the Lord has heard our cries
for life.

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Sex as an act of creation, of art, of life,
filled our thoughts and bed and intertwined the parts of us
we didn’t realize we’d still been living separate.
This righteous act of love that reminds human creatures
that there is a miracle wrapped in the gift of pleasure.
A miracle that points to a good Gift Giver outside ourselves,
outside our control, outside our timelines,
outside our attempts at manipulation or desperate demands.
Galaxies must align and collide in the secret dark,
and all we can do is humble ourselves
to be available to something much bigger than our comprehension.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p184~

~*~*~

God knits babies together in the secret dark.
And we can plan all we like,
but we have no actual control over the outcomes.
We bear witness to the miracle, and we women—
we also bear it in our bodies.
But we certainly don’t dictate it.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p166~

~*~*~

God already knows
He already delights.
He has already been singing over them in the dark,
secret hours of spinning life out of strands of DNA—
an artist at work, creating and shaping another Adam-child in His image.
And the sonogram is desperate to catch up.
The black-and-white shifting dimensions on the screen only hint at His handiwork.
At the brilliance and the raw beauty beating
with the brand-new chambers of a heart there on the dim screen.
It is the shape the Father sculpted in the beginning
and the shape the Christ-Son took.
It is the ancient, familiar form
that is still somehow new every time we see it fitted over a new soul.
Upward and forward and deeper into the heart of God
with each new life He entrusts us with.
Parts of us crack wide open,
and we are vulnerable to a vast army of fears,
for to parent is to ache over the unknown.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p166~

April 18, 2015April 16, 2015

Prayers of Psalmody, for those in Physical Pain

I am afflicted and in pain;
let Your salvation, O God, set me on high!
I will praise the name of God with a song;
I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.
Psalm 69:29-30 (ESV)

Physical pain, whether acute or chronic, can bring us both actually and figuratively to our knees. Would you please bow your heads with me today, as we fall on our knees and rest weary aching heads in feeble hands—our God is our Strength and our Deliverer, and He hears us when we call to Him through Christ our Advocate and the interceding groans of the Holy Spirit. Whether it is your pain, or the pain of someone you know (or both!), please bring these burdens to the Father’s Throne with me now—He will accept our offering, hear our prayers, and answer according to His will. Come with me in faith.

Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals, we come asking You humbly to hear our prayer in Your great mercy—please hear our cries for endurance and sustenance for as long as this pain lasts, and hear our cries for relief and deliverance—grant us, ultimately, peace through Christ with whatever Your will for our lives and our bodies and our pains may be, and take delight in satisfying and replenishing our souls (Jeremiah 31:25). Give us eyes to see what Your will is, and give us Your grace to accept what Your hands lay upon our shoulders.

Lord, help us to feel Your hand of peace and strength when we are in pain. Enfold us with Your strong comfort. Enable us to see and somehow embrace that in our suffering, we become closer to You and more like Christ (1 Peter 4:13). Help us to bless You, to remember Your kindness, to praise You for Your forgiveness and healing (Psalm 103:2-3), and the various ways You present these things to us Your children.

Please grant us the humility of spirit to accept this painful thorn as a gift from your hand (2 Corinthians 12:7), Father. Make us boast in Your strength when we are weak (2 Corinthians 12:9), and help us never give in to the temptation of self pity and wallowing but gird our loins for the battle You have chosen for us (Isaiah 40:29). Renew our hope in Your future promises, allow our eyes to focus on the glorious gift of new bodies in heaven (Philippians 3:20-21) where our tears will be wiped away and our pain will be no more (Revelation 21:4). Pain can be so isolating—and genuinely can isolate us if we are bed ridden or house ridden due to physical pain—especially when it never seems to go away, so Father, please help us to remember that we are not alone—not only are You always with us, but others of Your people around the world and throughout time have and do also suffer in similar ways (2 Timothy 2:3). Make us firm in our faith through this trial, and in Your timing, please restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us (1 Peter 5:9-10) for the sake of Your glory, and even for the glory that You promise to share with Your people when the sufferings of this time are past (Romans 8:18). Lord, give us rest from this pain and turmoil, relief from this hard service You have called us to serve—give us voices to proclaim Your Gospel and Your Kingdom, to share Your providence and provision and healing hand (Isaiah 14:3).

Because we know that Jesus did not turn away those who suffered from various pains and afflictions (Matthew 4:24), we come with boldness asking for His hands of healing to remove this pain. Please cleanse our bodies of the physical ailments that deter us from further engaging in life and joyful participation in the lives around us (2 Corinthians 7:1). Oh Lord, our prayer is simple and our words are few—please grant healing, please take away this pain, please restore physical strength and health—please give glory to Yourself through this act of mercy. Grant us peace in this world of turmoil, for we are confident in our faith that You have overcome the world (John 16:33).

Lord, You know—You know!!—the suffering, the pain. Remember us, visit us, take vengeance on behalf of us for the sake of this pain (Jeremiah 15:15). God, please hear the depth of anguish as we cry to You—why is this pain unceasing, this wound incurable, why does this body refuse healing? (Jeremiah 15:18) We fall and flounder and falter, for this pain is ever before us (Psalm 38:17), in this affliction and pain, O God, we beg You to save us and set us on high (Psalm 69:29). Do not forsake us, Lord, but be near to us right in the midst of the suffering. Make haste to help us, for You, O Lord, are our salvation (Psalm 38:21-22). Father, even when we speak or when we pray or when we seek relief, it feels like our pain is never assuaged, and when we seek to be strong with endurance and forbearance for Your sake, the pain doesn’t lessen. It wears us out, Father, shrivels us up, and our bodies themselves rise up against us (Job 16:6-8). Our souls are poured out, for the days of affliction take hold of us—even in the night, our bones ache, and there is no relief from the agony because the gnawing pain never takes rest (Job 30:16-17).

Jehovah Shalom, Lord our Peace, You alone can give rest to our souls whether our bodies continue in this dire pain or whether You lift this physical burden from us (Matthew 11:28). Your Son, our Lord Jesus, is the only One who can give us peace which passes our understanding, so we ask You in Your grace to fill us with His peace and guard our hearts and minds during this season of life (Philippians 4:7). God, we are so tempted toward cynicism when the suffering is long and unrelenting—like Job, we can beg that You would simply crush us and completely cut us off. We can think that this would be a comfort, that it would glorify You. But Lord, give us the grace to follow in Job’s footsteps so that we exult even in the midst of unsparing pain, allowing us never to deny the words of You, our Holy One. We do not have strength and we do not know our end, so please give us faith to wait on You and to be patient as we call upon Your mercy. We are not made with the strength of stones or bronze, and You—our Creator—look upon us with understanding. (Job 6:8-12)

Father, You made us of dust and You filled us with Your own breath (Genesis 2:7), so we call upon You to remember our frame (Psalm 103:14). Please forgive our iniquities and take away our physical ailments, redeem us and crown us, satisfy us and renew us, O God we pray! Please show Your compassion to us (Psalm 103:3-5, 13). As we are bodies paired with souls, according to Your infinite wisdom, please care for our spirits as well as our physical temples—as Jesus went about proclaiming the Gospel and healing physical needs, please have mercy upon each part of our being (Luke 9:6, 11). Please heal our bodies and take away our pain—please strengthen our faith and increase our imaging of Christ for the sake of Your glory, for the furtherance of Your Kingdom.

And as we recognize our frailty in every way, please send Your Spirit to intercede on our behalf. Even our prayers are not brought to You on our own strength, Lord. We do not know how to pray, nor for what we ought to even ask, but we trust You and we rely on You—please, send Your Spirit to intercede for us, because we belong to Jesus, and hear His groans on our behalf. We know that You search our hearts, and we call upon You to hear the intercession of Your Spirit for us, according to Your will (Romans 8:26-27).

In our frailty, in our humanity, in our pain, in our suffering—O Lord, hear our prayer. Give strength to us, Your people and grant us Your peace (Psalm 29:11). For the sake of Christ in whose name we pray—trusting that He indeed is the Risen King who conquered death and sin so that we can look ahead toward perfect bodies and resurrected new life in the future Kingdom—amen.

April 16, 2015

Christ is Always Enough

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Motherhood is physically exhausting, emotionally draining work.
Where can a mother find the strength she needs to serve her family?
From God, who is “able to make all grace abound to you,
so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times,
you may abound in every good work” (2 Cor. 9:8).
~Gloria Furman, Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full, p109~

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My prideful heart want o badly to be Super Mom
and for other moms to think I’m Super Mom.
Sometimes I prefer to glory in things other than God’s grace.
Pride shows up in many forms.
When we’re tempted to revel in the acceptance of others,
we need to draw near to God’s throne of grace.
We can have confidence that God will
hear our prayers, come to our aid, and bolster our hope in Him
because of what Christ has done for us on the cross.
Pride induces us to worry about tomorrow
as though we can control the outcome with our anxiety.
In those hand-wringing moments we need to remember
that God’s grace will still be sufficient tomorrow.
~Gloria Furman, Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full, p121~

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April 14, 2015April 14, 2015

The Good Stuff

Nothing comes easily.
You have to lose things you thought you loved,
give up things you thought you needed.
You have to get over yourself,
beyond your past,
out from under the weight of your future.
The good stuff never comes when things are easy.
It comes when things are all heavily weighted down like moving trucks.
~Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines, p179~

April 11, 2015

delighting

We were made in the image of God.
We were created to delight, as He does,
in the resident goodness of creation.
~Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: a Culinary Reflection, p91~

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There is a habit that plagues many so-called spiritual minds:
they imagine that matter and spirit are somehow at odds with each other
and that the right course for human life is to escape
from the world of matter into some finer and purer (and undoubtedly duller) realm.

To me, that is a crashing mistake—
and it is, above all, a theological mistake.
Because, in fact, it was God who invented dirt, onions and turnip greens;
God who invented human beings, with their strange compulsion to cook their food;
God who, at the end of each day of creation,
pronounced a resounding “Good!” over his own concoctions.
And it is God’s unrelenting love of all the stuff of this world
that keeps it in being at every moment.

So, if we are fascinated, even intoxicated, by matter, it is no surprise:
we are made in the image of the Ultimate Materialist.
~Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb: a Culinary Reflection, xxvi~

April 10, 2015April 8, 2015

Motherhood, daily & divine

Any way you cut it, motherhood is intimidating…
moms might not know it, but they are the bravest of the brave…
and perhaps what makes this kind of everyday courage the most remarkable
is how very seldom it gets recognized.
~Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised By Motherhood, p93~

Vacations are more than vacations,
and that island is more than an island.
Vacations are the act of grabbing
minutes and hours and days with both hands,
stealing against the inevitability of time.
There will be a day when our family as we know it will no longer exist,
and I want to know in that moment that I wasn’t at the office or doing the dishes
when I could have been walking on the dock with my dad,
when I could have been drinking tea and eating ginger cookies on the porch with my mom.
~Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines, p45~

We are always to do our best,
striving to be obedient
and to love, nurture, and discipline them.
But we are to do it with faith in the Lord’s ability to transform hearts,
not in our ability to be consistent or faithful.
~Elyse Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson, Give Them Grace, p53~

April 9, 2015April 10, 2015

Grace Upon Grace

I was telling (okay, writing) a friend yesterday about our recent visit to The Grace Agenda conference, and what a blessing it was to go, get away, recharge. So I realized I ought to share my thoughts here as well.

The conference, and the days spent traveling & away in general, were such a blessing. We went down on Thursday just so we could swim at the hotel, eat out, and watch cartoons with the kids on “a real tv”! The kids still aren’t quite sure what commercials are, and get excessively frustrated about them. Cracks us up. After the two little kids were asleep on Thursday night, my dad took Gabriel swimming again and my mom offered to listen for the toddlers (we had connecting hotel rooms, so we left the doors open between them, and she stayed in her room), so Steven and I went out for a little date to our favorite coffee house pub called Bucer’s, where there was live jazz and lots of hustle-bustle. We were only out for about forty minutes, and it was a refreshingly fun time. Friday and Saturday were very busy days of conference sessions, coffee breaks, lunch with friends, a dinner double date with excellent friends on Friday (my parents watched our kids and took them swimming for us during that time), playtime with our children, a fantastic choir concert on Saturday night.

The conference sessions didn’t hold much “new” to us in all honesty, partly because the teachers were people we have known for twenty years & also just partly because Steven and I have both been raised in the Church and have continued in the Church. But it is always good to go hear things we already know, to preach old truths to ourselves in new ways, to sit alongside friends for mutual encouragement and exhortation. It made us very thankful. Rachel Jankovic and Nate Wilson were (as usual) my favorite speakers, just because they are so engaging and witty, weaving incredibly solid truths into their speaking without leaving it dry like crackers. (And it’s just funny, too, because my brother and I were friends with them when we were in our teens; I remember one time specifically on a Sunday afternoon, playing disc golf with them and some other young folks at the University of Idaho, and there was plenty of good laughter.) But so much has happened and changed in the intervening 15 or so years.

On Palm Sunday we were overwhelmingly blessed to be at Trinity Reformed Church, to hear Toby preach, to see so many friends we hadn’t seen since last summer, to cry with another friend who just buried another son (a 16 week boy, they named Gilead), to have some friends want to talk and subsequently wanted to pray with me right then and there for joy and hope. So beautiful and humbling. We then went out for lunch with another young family (I’ve been friends with the wife for years, but our husbands had never actually talked, just briefly met occasionally and shaken hands, etc) before driving home on the Sunday afternoon in sunshine and rest and hope and joy.

So yes. A good weekend. In so many ways. And here are a couple random pictures from a Saturday evening session (you can tell the kids had gotten tired by now!), and some quotes I managed to scribble down from a few of the talks.

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The rocky soil produces the sweetest fruit.
~Bekah Merkle~

Weaker doesn’t mean inferior. Compare a crystal goblet with a 2×4!
~Nancy Wilson~

Love God, love your neighbor, love your enemies—that covers it.
~Douglas Wilson~

If women are not allowed to be a female glory, they will become a feminine shame.
~Douglas Wilson~

Exile is a universal human condition.
~Timothy Edwards~

Wisdom is a tame word, but it’s not a very tame thing.
~N.D. Wilson~

Tell stories and live stories. Use the stories around you to inform your character and shape your narrative.
~N.D. Wilson~

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Courage literally means of the heart. Courage does not mean bold, brash, outspoken, adventurous. We need courage in areas where we are tested. Any strength that requires resistance requires courage. Courage is the form of every virtue once tested. It takes courage to ask God, and for contentment as you wait. Pottery can not do anything until it has gone through the trial of fire. After we are tested we too become capable vessels that can hold water. Patience without courage is untested and weak. Peace combined with courage is fierce—it’s like a guard dog. It’s a peace that fights things off. You can only have one master, when you have Christ as your Master, you will have courage over fear. John 14:7, Deut 31:6, Josh 1:9, Heb 13:6, Ps 23:4, Eph 6:10, Ps 118:6, Ps 27:14
~Rachel Jankovic~

Contented means a deep satisfaction with the will of God. He has made us, called us, and even created the good works for us. Be satisfied to be created second. Be satisfied to be created female. Be glad for the calling of men. Be overjoyed in who your husband and sons are called to be. Be satisfied that God called your husband to be your head. Be deeply satisfied to be your husband’s glory, crown, helpmeet. Be satisfied with being domestic and fruitful.
~Nancy Wilson~

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April 8, 2015April 8, 2015

Tears Bottle, Tutorial

Psalm 56:8
…tears…

I have had people asking either to buy these little tokens from me or for a tutorial so they can make their own. Well, here’s the tutorial to the best of my ability! And if you rather, just send me a personal message, and we can talk about helping you get your hands on some I’ve made if you are less crafty yourself.

So to make your own little tears bottles, read on! Gather your supplies together before you begin, which may or may not involve purchasing some special things depending on the stock you have in your crafting stash.

Glass Bottles (I like the miniature sizes, like medication vials, best but any size right up to a wine bottle would make a neat gift)
Corks for the bottles (you could do it without corks, I just personally like corks so much)
Something to tie the tags on (I used baker’s twine, but you could use small gauge wire or tiny ribbon or embroidery floss, etc)
Metal Stamping Blanks (of various sizes, and mostly just according to your creative preference)
Metal Stamping Alphabet/Numbers (I used 1/16″ stamps on these mini bottle projects)
Bench Block
Hammer
Masking Tape
Hole Punch Pliers for Sheet Metal
Jump Ring (I used split rings)
Black Sharpie
Rubbing Alcohol (I have oodles of medical wipes, but you could just put some alcohol on a tissue or something)

For a few thoughts on bottles…
You can buy something like these on Amazon (which are basically the same sizes as the medication vials I have used), or go bigger here maybe, or even do something super schmancy like this… In fact, for bigger sizes, I love these ball shaped bottles, I love these vintage style bottles, tear shaped bottles would be a neat touch, a set of bottles with corks, or even these adorable 5 oz bottles with caps. Pick up bottles or vials at the dollar store or at thrift shops, and keep a stash for when you find yourself needing to give a Tears Bottle as a gift. You may like different sizes, shapes, colors, etc. for different people or different times, don’t limit yourself.
And if you’re like me (I particularly love the itty bitty Tears Bottle styles I’ve made thus far), and you go through lots of medication vials (three shots a day for months at a time can build up a stash if you squirrel them away into your craft stash!), use a flathead screwdriver to pull off the metal and rubber cap on the empty medication vial, then wash the vial and get the label off (with rubbing alcohol, paint thinner, or acetone… and sometimes a good bit of elbow grease). My favorite size vial is what my Pregnyl or PIO came in, but it’s totally just personal preference. Just try whatever you can get your hands on.

Like I said, I really like using little corks, and if you buy bottles they may come with them already.
But if you go the repurposing route like I have done, you may need to carve your own little corks, which is tedious at best. I have a ridiculously oversized stash of all kinds of wine bottle corks, so I just grabbed one, cut it in half, and ended up making a couple little mini corks from it, just whittling with a sharp kitchen knife.

Once you have your bottles and corks, pick out what metal stamping blanks you want to use for each bottle. I have tried various combinations of sizes and types of blanks, and I love the various different looks they give. Design from your heart and go with your gut.

Gather your metal stamps, blanks, hammer, bench block, and masking tape.

Make sure you set your bench block on a sturdy surface, and use a small strip of masking tape to secure your blank to the bench block while you stamp, so nothing moves. Be certain that you use the right letters/numbers in the right order, and orient the stamp the right direction. Place them carefully, because once you hammer, there it is! 🙂

Stamp away! You can see that I have come up with the way I personally prefer the design, with caps and lowercase in certain places, etc. Of course you have to remember that imperfections and variations really make these marvelous and give them their unique appeal. It can also take practice to get your groove, so be gracious with yourself.

PSALM 56:8 ~ tears

Once you have stamped the blanks, unless you bought blanks that already have holes punched in them, this is where you add a hole with your sheet metal hole punch. Depending on the gauge and type of metal blanks, it will be easier or trickier to punch ~ but you can do it!

Put discs together with a jump ring, which process may or may not eat up your fingernails. 🙂

At this point, you want to take your black Sharpie and color in the letters and numbers you’ve stamped. It will look icky and messy. That’s the right way to do it, I promise.