Joyful Domesticity

Still thinking about this subject of addressing elders with formal titles, which shows respect and honor. As Christians we are not egalitarians like the world. And no, I definitely do not believe that once you hit 18 years old suddenly you get the privilege of being on a first name basis with everyone. There is not a point like that where you suddenly “attain.” And there are no exams for getting graded on your wisdom, experience, knowledge, and insight — so nope, you will never be able to compare grades with others to see if you or they better deserve to be called Mr./Mrs./Miss.
The point here being: yes, I definitely believe that as a 25 year old married woman & mother, I have a great responsibility to call others by formal titles. And not only because I know that my children are sponges and will mimick what Mommy does. That’s part of it. But not the whole story. The other important part of it is that I am not above showing respect and honor. If someone is older than I am, I am called (especially as a Christian) to render them due honor and respect. Even in such small ways as addressing them by Mrs. Lastname, in lieu of simply Firstname. (Scripture is extremely clear about rendering honor and respect to older people–and notice that Scripture does not say, “if you are under 18… or under 35… this applies to you.” It is a blanket statement.) Now, I grant you, there is obviously a gray area in there somewhere. Do I call a 30 year old by a formal title? How about 28? Or 38? Where is the line? Well, we must use wisdom in showing respect. So I am not going to give a blanket answer here, as I do not believe there is one. I do however believe that as we age, we will be gaining wisdom, and the lines will be less gray.
But definitely, if someone is old enough to be my mother or father (so, say, 20 years older or more…), they command my automatic response of honor and respect. Therefore, a title of Mr./Mrs./Miss it is! And yes, I am saying that the grayer the hair, the more the wrinkles, the wobblier the hands–the more respect and honor is owed. This is counterintuitive in our modern American culture where youth is worshiped and glorified. The culture where we have surgeries and botox and dye to cover up age–this is folly.

Now, of course, we don’t go around with our date of birth printed across our foreheads, so figuring out someone’s age can be tricky. Especially when we live in a culture (see three sentences prior) where age is not easy to detect by attire–we’ve got 16 year olds dressing like they’re 36, and 45 year olds dressing like they’re 21. It can be quite confusing! So again: we must use what wisdom and discernment the Lord has given us in figuring out these sorts of things. Simply keep in mind: it isn’t all about age alone. It is about respect and honor. That’s the whole point.

So what about when other kids call me, and others around me, on a first name basis? I definitely have the right to request that someone (especially someone younger than myself) call me Mrs. Lastname. If I were having a four year old over to spend the day, I would probably gently and kindly instruct them (if their parents had not) to call me Mrs. Lastname. If I had an eighteen year old over, the line would be more gray. Small kids can be taught rather quickly, and can be corrected fifty times a day if necessary (with a smile and a wink of the eye, perhaps).
Now, you’re correct in what’s crossing your mind right now: what if that child’s parents specifically taught them to call me Melissa? Would I then be usurping the parent’s authority in retraining their child? If you believe that is the case, the proper route would probably be to speak with the parent and ask them if we could please consider using Mrs. Lastname. Again, I love being called by my husband’s name. And not that I don’t like my first name. It’s fine, familiar, and dandy. 🙂 I have been called it for over 25 years! But again, that’s not the point.
True, it isn’t the child’s fault necessarily if they are a youngin’ and have never been taught to use respectful titles like Mr./Mrs./Miss, so they are not necessarily trying to be dishonoring or disrespectful. I 100% grant you that. But then the responsibility falls upon the parents of that child. It is they who have dropped the ball. Perhaps it would be appropriate (again) to speak with them about the matter. Maybe they’ve never thought of it. Maybe it would be a blessing to them if you brought up the subject, especially if they are Christians and you could sharpen iron together. (And if they are not Christians, what a wonderful way to show the world how we train our children to bestow honor and respect to elders.)

How about if one of my close friends asks me to have Gabriel call them Firstname? Or even Aunt/Uncle Firstname? We would simply smile and explain that no, our children use titles of honor and respect. Historically speaking, too, it has only been in the most recent century that this has fallen away (notice the timeline correlation with the church falling away). Your children are your responsibility, before God and christendom and the world. Your friend, especially if they are close enough to you to make such a request, will probably understand and love you for that.

Now, what about when an adult asks me to please call them Firstname? Again, that requires wisdom. I don’t think I want to go into it too much here. If someone says, “oh just call me Firstname,” is it then showing more respect and honor by obeying or by continuing to refer to them as Mr. Lastname? This may be an instance where one should say, “oh thank you, that’s sweet. But really, would it be all right if I continued to call you Mrs. Lastname? I just respect you so much, and definitely want to instill that into my listening children. If you mind this of course, we could discuss it together.” I don’t know… there are plenty of such scenarios that could be created. Just wanted to open a little can in your head so the worms could wriggle around. 🙂

Another side note: we are called Christians. Why? Because Christ is our head. Therefore we are called by His name. I find that really and truly interesting. I think there’s something to it, too. Just as I love being called by Christ’s name, I should love being called by the name of my earthly head (be it Miss Lastname before marriage or Mrs. Lastname after marriage). This is appropriate and it is beautiful. And I think it is very Christian. 🙂 We are the part of the world that proclaims headship and submission more than almost anyone else. (well, maybe Muslims, lol…) But we SHOULD proclaim it, for the King proclaims it throughout His Scripture. Christ is my head. Steven is my head. Both of those are a great honor.

Lastly:
Remembering that the issue is about respect and honor, not conforming to the world, loving our neighbor… we should generally use the idea of falling in the error of doing this too much. It is better to overstate one’s respect and love than to occasionally bring it out of the depths of your back pocket. Err on the side of both teaching “too much” respect and showing “too much” respect. I think you’ll find that it’s extremely hard to actually do “too much”. 🙂

So I love searching for things on Google. Medical things, mommy things, books, names, cities, places, and then also the more random things. I just typed in “mrs. children call me address christian” — random, huh? 🙂
But seriously, I have been doing a bunch of thinking lately about why we want our children to address people formally. In our modern American culture, it’s just plain weird not to be casual and fancy-free. That’s why people can wear shorts and flipflops to church and not everyone gasps upon their arrival. That’s why when children (yes, I am including adolescent teens in that word) refer to me as Melissa or a nickname (yes, it’s even worse, but there are a couple kids at my church who do it) — few people get as ruffled about it as I do. Why? This can be a touchy subject for many people. (obviously I am passionate about it, too, hehe)
I do not have the time to get into this much. I feel like I would love to write a book about it though. 😉

For now, suffice it to say that my children will all refer to any adult as Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname/Miss Lastname. I am also hoping to incorprate Mr. Firstname and Miss Firstname for people who don’t quite fit in that category. For instance, yesterday when we had 4 kids over for the day, I always refer to the girls as Miss Firstname, especially when Gabriel is around.
Formal? Yes, I suppose.
So, why do we break the cultural norm of casuality?
Respect.

Especially when it comes to addressing adults. And where do you draw the line of “adult”? Anyone over 18? (so, do you want a 17 year old addressing their 18 year old friend that way…) Anyone 10 years older than you? Anyone who’s married? (so, what about the 45 year old single woman?) Of course I understand there are many variables. People, especially nonChristians, say that it’s simply simpler for our kids to address adults as adults address adults. But that is laziness. Another hallmark of our modern American culture. Honor and wisdom come with age. Anyone older than you, really you should automatically assume (whether it’s accurate or not…) that they are wiser — and that deserves honor and respect. Age demands respect. Age demands honor. Age more frequently than not comes with great wisdom, much knowledge, good insight. All of these are wonderful reasons to address adults with graceful, kind, words and titles which show they are respected and honored.

I love being called by my husband’s name. It is an honor. It is a mark of respect, but it is also lovely. Some of my friends don’t like being called by their last name. It only makes me wonder, though, WHY. Think back to your wedding day, and remember when you were proclaimed husband and wife. Suddenly you are one. Not two. But one. You belong to your head. He is your lord, and you are his crown. You should adore being called by his name. (whether you do or not… notice I said should…)
By the same token, we should teach our daughters to love being called by their father’s name. Miss Lastname. At that point in their life, their daddy is their head. He is their lord and they are his jewels.

I want to continue, but I don’t have time right now.
I will leave you with this link to an interested article from a book written in 1888. In just a few short years since then, see how far our ettiquette (even in the nonChristian sphere) has fallen. See how low a respect we have as a culture, and how our culture is simply breeding casuality & disrespect.
Christians! Brethren! We are not of the world. Our children are not of the world. We should not, therefore, look like the world, act like the world, or speak like the world.
May God give us grace as we train our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and as these things come out in details like addressing other people — remember, they are all images of God, too.
Oh, and a few random verses that I’ll quickly pop in here, for interest’s sake. 🙂

When someone pokes you, what comes out? What happens when someone questions some conviction or practice you hold dear? It could be anything from your faith in Christ down to your conviction that socks should be folded, not rolled. What if someone expresses a contrary opinion? What if someone expresses a strong contrary opinion? How do you respond? When someone pokes you, what comes out? How do you handle it when someone in church disagrees with your health care convictions? What comes out? What comes out when someone says they think homeschoolers are lazy? Or what comes out when someone says that people who have their babies in the hospital are stupid? Or what about having babies at home? What comes out when you get poked?

Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians was that they would know the love of Christ which passes understanding, and that they would be filled with all the fullness of God. Later, he urges them to be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, making melody in their hearts to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God… Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians in other words was that when the Ephesians got poked, they would spill the fullness of God. And notice that Paul ties this directly to knowing the love of Christ. Do you know the love of Christ like that? Do you know the love of Christ such that when you get poked, you pour out the fruits of the Spirit and thankfulness and submission in the fear of God. Or do you spill crankiness, prickliness, and defensiveness? And if when you are poked you don’t spill the fruits of the Spirit, and you are cranky and defensive, you need to consider why. Why do you get defensive when someone suggests that your cigarette habit is kind of stupid? Or your clothing is offensive or your childrearing is defective or your roommate says you are totally unhip?

If you aren’t spilling grace then you need to reconsider what you’re holding on to or how you’re holding on to it. If it isn’t grace that you’re holding on to, then grace isn’t going to come pouring out. And if it is grace, but you’re holding it like a thug, then you can’t be surprised when something thuggish emerges. Be filled with the Spirit, and know the love of Christ which passes knowledge. You know that you’re filled with grace when someone pokes you and you spill grace. You know you’re filled with the Spirit when someone pokes you and you start singing psalms and inviting them over for dinner.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Proverbs 12:20
Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil,
   but those who plan peace have joy.

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We are praising the Lord today for His kindness, and His providence — even when it boggles my mind and I do not understand why He does what He does. I know that He is faithful, even when I question His plans and His motives. I tend to think only on my own plans, my own motives. I pray that He will continue to grow me and mold me so that I seek only after His intentions and faithfully follow His guidance. So that the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart will be acceptable, lovely, and honoring in His sight. Amen.
I spoke with my nurse again today — have gotten a couple of things back from the lab. Found out I have hypothyroid. Wheeeee, I was excited that we found something we can fix!! God is so kind! Hopefully that getting that back in ship-shape order will not only help preserve our future babies but also aid in some other areas for me. I am extremely thankful. After yet another screw-up on the clinic’s part (what in the world is wrong with their administration?! Steven thinks they hire 4th graders to do their desk work…), our follow up appointment will be on the 26th. I am eager for that.
Music camp at church is over. It was a long, busy, humbling week. I am thankful it has passed, but am also thankful that I was blessed with the opportunity to serve & minister there. It was great to see the hard work and growth the kids made in just 6 days. Saturday night they put on a concert at the church, and it went really well. And although my wrists don’t want me touching a piano for a little while, I am happy to say that I even played well. 🙂 Apparently our pastor said to my husband after the concert that his hands were tired just from watching me burn up the keys on Haydn’s “The Heavens Are Telling”! We did take it at a pretty good little clip… 🙂
And have I mentioned our newest hobby of disc-golfing? Yes, well, we did it again last evening with a very dear couple — and Gabriel even came along. He rode on my back (which was a good excuse for my ill playing, haha), and did well enough that we were even able to go to our friends’ house for grilled burgers afterwards. One of the most enjoyable evenings ever, I think. 🙂 God is so kind.
Have I also mentioned that Gabriel started crawling (yes, I know, he’s already walking…) this week? And can get from lying down to sitting up and even standing up now. Praise the Lord!! I’m a very excited mommy. 🙂
Have a delightful evening. I think I shall, as well. Goodnight.

Some pictures from our friends Ryan and Shelby’s goodbye cookout at the park! It was incredibly hot out — thus the picture of my son without pants (gasp!). I have never wanted to be one of “those moms” who let their kids run around when not fully clothed, but I made a partial exception that day. Siiigh. Also, in the third picture you can see the little “splash pad” in the background where the kids all ran around in the water cooling off. I did pick up Gabriel and run through the water, not so much because he wanted to cool off but because his mommy did! 🙂

And here are some pictures I took yesterday morning from my back yard. The morning glories are just beautiful every morning! And it’s always a new surprise — since different ones open up each day. They are all different, and each intricately beautiful. Also, my “wildflower bed” in the back yard has started blooming beautifully. The yellow “susan” type flower is one of my favorites. The poppies too though, which I didn’t take a picture of yesterday.

And then, yes, my garden. It is literally a jungle. See the chain link fence behind me? That is the dividing line into the neighbor’s back yard… umm, they are now the proud owners of some pumpkin vines — I can no longer pull them back through the chain link. Hope they like pumpkins! 🙂 Hah.

This is the view looking back towards our lawn and house. I love my little jungle. But I’ve learned some things to do differently next year!

A pumpkin blossom with a honeybee inside.

A pumpkin. 🙂

So, umm, some of the paths between rows have officially 100% disappeared. Makes it tricky…
But anyway, this is two types of squash on the left (hanging over the path), then beets with sunflowers inbetween them, and then lots of bushy-topped carrots, and then -what’s that?!- oooh one pathway still remaining on the right. 🙂

Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins — who knew they would be so prolific? Not me. 🙂
Cucumbers are hiding under there too. And then sunflowers and lettuce on the left — some old lettuce, with some new starts just coming up through the soil.

Lastly, a bumblebee. Because he was so cute sitting there on the sunflower leaf. 🙂

and most of my week is wrapped up in music camp at church — of which I have no pictures, since I am constantly sitting at the piano. take my word for it though: it’s busy, it’s challenging, and it’s fun. and music is getting under my skin again — in a good way. 🙂

Okay, anyone & everyone — not like I usually get very many comments — but all three of you! haha…
LISTEN UP!!

I am going to be working on a couple small composing projects. Hymn-like, shall we say.
I want to put some passages of Scripture (other than psalms) into hymn-like settings.
So this is the deal: what passages do you think would be beneficial to hymn-ize? (I know that’s not a word…)

I was thinking of these “possible possibilities” and am open for any ideas for more/others:

• 1 Samuel 2:1-10
• Ephesians 1:3-14
• John 1:1-18
• Proverbs 2:1-22
• and Proverbs 3:1-35
• Deuteronomy 28:1-14
• Numbers 6:24-25
• Jude 24-25
• Philippians 4:4-9

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”

Psalm 34:19

There are all kinds of afflictions in this world. You may be afflicted with one or two, or a dozen, or even many more than that. But if you are an heir of the Lord God, the Heavenly King, then you can look ahead with hope for there will be an end! The Lord will deliver you!! And He will deliver me.

Good old Mr. Spurgeon’s comments on this verse are for you today, to encourage you & give you hope:

Many are the afflictions of the righteous. Thus are they made like Jesus their covenant head. Scripture does does not flatter us like the story books with the idea that goodness will secure us from trouble; on the contrary, we are again and again warned to expect tribulation while we are in this body. But – blessed “but,” how it takes the sting out of the previous sentence! – But the Lord delivers him out of them all. Through troops of ills Jehovah will lead his redeemed scatheless and triumphant. There is an end to the believer’s affliction, and a joyful end too. 

My righteous friends, may this “blessed ‘but’” ring long and loud in your ears today! May the truth of the second half of this verse be greater to you than the first. Yes, we may have to suffer many afflictions in this lifetime. But God has promised to deliver us from every one! Not some of them, or most of them, but “them all!” Our trials will come to an end–a joyous triumphant end!

Besides normal every day life that keeps me spinning — especially my busy 14 month old boy (can you believe he’s that old?!) and my over-abundant garden — I’ve got extra stuff going on right now.
One of my dearest and bestest friends moved today to Minnesota. And although I know I don’t write about where I do live, let’s just say that it is not remotely near Minnesota. Sigh. So we spent the weekend helping them pack the moving truck and saying goodbye. I hate that word: goodbye. I really do.
Also, I am on call waiting for our church intern’s wife to go into labor. Of course I’m not nearly as antsy about it as she is, poor dear is 41 weeks. But I get to pick up their 4 older kids when she goes into labor, and I am really excited about having them here. They are the sweetest, most joyful and obedient, lovely tow-heads you’ve ever met. Day or night, I am excited to go pick them up and share some time with them.
And this week our church is having a music camp for kids in grades 4-12. I am the accompanist, so I have lots of new music to learn. I just got the folder yesterday and some of it is a little daunting… my wrist hurts already from playing piano “too much”! 🙂
Although I still find that I am crying myself to sleep most nights, I know there is much to be thankful for. MUCH. And God’s goodness is all around me. I saw it this morning in the garden. I see it sitting right here in my boy. I feel it in my tummy, digesting yummy food. I taste it on my tongue, warm smooth coffee. I feel it with my fingers, bright technology. I know it will be ringing the doorbell soon, as my mother is on her way.
God is good. I am thankful. Even amidst griefs, sorrows, and goodbyes, there is new life and busy life and hope for the future.
Hallelujah and amen.

2 years ago today we held our first baby in our hands for the first & last time.
Our little Covenant Hope, who is not dead but now fully alive!!
She knows what is true fullness of joy, for she lives in His presence.
At the King’s right hand are pleasures forevermore, and so I know she eternally rejoices.

This is my comfort and my joy today.
Although I miss our little Covenant every day of my life, I know that God’s covenantal promises were for me.
For her. For my family. For all of our children.

Today we remember what the Lord has done.
Today we praise His name!
The Lord is faithful!!

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I wanted to show you all one of the summer projects I finished yesterday. 🙂
For my sweet baby, little Promise Anastasis.