Month: March 2011

Posted on

away

We went away last week. Steven had a conference in Seattle, so Gabriel and I tagged along for a change of pace & scenery. It was a wonderful time and we are so thankful we were able to do it! Here are just a few pictures of a couple things we did while we were there.

A wonderful Japanese meal: we let Steven have the sushi, and we all shared veggie tempura, gyoza, and Japanese fried chicken (to make sure Gabriel would enjoy something).

At the Seattle Aquarium and on the boardwalk with one of my dearest friends (and two of her kids).

What a beautiful and sweet blessing it was to get away for a few days with my boys!

Posted on

two years ~ Glory

Today is the second anniversary of losing our third child, Glory Hesed. He was my second miscarriage, but the first one in my bout of recurrent losses. The first of my back-to-back griefs. The first that got me rolling into the horrible realm of “secondary infertility.” When I lost Glory, I was still fairly oblivious. Everyone had told me that losing your first baby was so common; everyone implied that it wouldn’t happen again. So when my second pregnancy resulted in a live Gabriel in my arms, I finally believed everyone.

And then Glory filled my womb (making me desperately giddy) ~ and then the Lord called him home (plunging me into darkness).

Glory was the baby that made me really question, really wonder, really waver.
Glory was the one that first let me put a “Big Brother” onesie on my sweet Gabriel.
Glory was the one that inclined my midwife to encourage us to begin testing (although we didn’t yet).
Glory was the one that left my womb the earliest.

I can hardly believe it has been two years since we lost him. Two years since my naivete began oh-so-quickly melting away into the realities of the horribleness of life. Two years since my womb has been constantly groaning over death with  no respites of life upon which to rest my weary self.

Oh Glory. Today I am trying to recall the depth of your middle name to the innermost part of my heart: God’s covenantal love and faithfulness. Hesed. It is deeper and truer than I can imagine. I simply have to believe that He is being loving and faithful, for it is His character (from which He can not depart).
So sweet baby, happy heavenly birthday. Happy second anniversary of your entrance into the heavenly glories for which you were named.
I love you. And oh, I miss you.

Posted on

Training

I have been busy with training lately.

Proverbs 22:6

“Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

I have the beautiful privilege of training one little boy for life in the eternal kingdom. Life now. And life eternal. What we do now has eternal effects. I am training one child for God. What a privilege! What  a responsibility! What a joy!

Hebrews 12:11

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant,
but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who have been trained by it.”

Discipline is one of the parts of training. Discipline which goes beyond “the rod.” While the training of discipline is never sweet at the moment, the sweetness that flows afterward from the disciplined soul is stunning, winning, even sparkling.

Psalm 144:1-2

“Blessed be the LORD, my rock,
who trains my hands for war,
and my fingers for battle;
He is my steadfast love and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and He in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.”

The Lord is also training my little boy, not only through his parents, but through His Spirit directly, through His Word, through His creations. He trains this boy for war and battle in the eternal kingdom. He is the One to whom we cling for love and protection and strength.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable
for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,
that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”

The Word of the Lord is actively training us. Not only our little boy, but us. And why does He train up with His Word, Scripture? So that we may be equipped for every good work. Another reminder of privilege, responsibility, and joy!

Titus 2:4-5

“…train the young women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind,
and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

And lest you think I am concentrating more on the training of my son than the training of myself, this passage reminds me to yield myself to the training of older women as they encourage me in all godliness to honor the Lord in all these ways by my thoughts, words, and deeds.

So yes… I have been very busy with training. Administering and acquiring. Bodily and spiritual. Delivered/received in many ways and from many sources. The Lord is good. He is busy here. And we pray that He will make us daily attentive to His guidance as He teaches, admonishes, encourages, uplifts, upholds, sustains, strengthens, challenges, and trains us for life in His eternal kingdom.

Posted on

if there’s one thing you read today…

So if there is one thing you need to read today,

it’s this.

“Contentment is not something that is suspended in a timeless place,
but is rather what God is teaching us while we wait for our deliverance.”

“As He tells the stories of our lives,
we need to come to grips with the fact that
God loves cliffhangers.”

Posted on

Why, Lord? You Know.

I wanted to sharing a little something that made me cry in understanding from yesterday’s entry in my daily reading of Streams In The Desert:

Why must I weep while others sing?
To test the deeps of suffering.

Why must I work while others rest?
To spend my days at God’s request.

Why must I lose while others gain?
To understand defeat’s sharp pain.

Why must this lot in life be mine?
When that which fairer seems is thine.

Because God knows what plans for me
Will blossom in eternity.

~ Anonymous

Posted on

Our Little Artist

Last week Gabriel and I did a special art project one day, producing a piece of artwork for his bedroom as well as one for a gift for Grandpapa’s birthday. Here is a little glimpse into the fun that we had together and the beautiful results!

First we set up the kitchen, using an old shower curtain for a drop cloth. I had bought canvasses at Michael’s cheaply using 50% coupons, and a cheap set of 3 brushes (plus another tiny one we already had), and about 8 different colors of acrylic paints that were about 70 cents each; I used paper plates (styrofoam actually) for palettes, and washed them (and the brushes) between each color. Gabriel wore an old t-shirt of his daddy’s.

Gabriel painted in layers, one color at a time, and we used the hair dryer in between each one to dry them up.

We got to practice our colors, as well as listening to directions. 🙂

Gabriel signed the back of the canvasses.

I used an oil paint Sharpie to write Scriptures on them (and tried to be as artistic as my son had been!).
Psalm 147:1 & 3 on Grandpapa’s ~ we thought it was great for him as a doctor talking about brokenness & healing.
Exodus 15:2 on Gabriel’s ~ we thought this was perfect because Gabriel’s name means “the Lord is my strength” and the description of praising & exalting the God of his fathers perfectly suits our little boy.

Giving Grandpapa his birthday gift!

And we hung Gabriel’s on his bedroom wall above his bed.

Posted on

my crooked lines

Tonight we were at a banquet, and my former pastor Mr. Wilson happened to be the keynote speaker. He, as he often does, used one of my favorite lines of his: God loves to draw straight with crooked lines.

And it made me wonder all over again: what is God drawing beautifully straight with the horribly crooked lines of my life?

I can’t wait until He gives me the perspective to see His masterpiece. Even if it isn’t until I join my sweet littles in heaven.

Posted on

C.E.B.

This afternoon the newest member of our family made her entrance into the world of the officially air-breathing. Bringing next to nothing but dark wavy hair and long pianist’s fingers,
Clara Elizabeth
has graced my brother’s family (and thereby, ours) with her stunning presence. I stand amazed at life. Life that scrunches up its nose, stretches out limbs, and presses air in & out of lungs in rhythmic measure. Doesn’t it make you wonder how God ever thought of that?!

When Gabriel first heard that Uncle had a new baby, he told me, “uncle got a baby for you. Go get it. Mommy baby.”
No worries: I explained that this baby isn’t ours. She’s part of our family, but she isn’t ours.
Gabriel insisted, as we drove to the hospital this evening, that we were going to meet Baby Jesus.
No worries: he got it corrected once he met his new cousin, and we’ll work on nailing down his theology later.

Welcome to God’s green earth, Clara. Here, you will be mightily loved. You belong to a strong family. Generations of Christians hailed before you, and I trust that through you many more shall yet hail. From what your auntie knows, your name means “clear and bright” & “God’s promise.” May your Father in heaven ever reveal Himself clearly to you, make Himself clearly evident through you, and hold fast to His promise to bless generations through you even as you hold tightly onto Him throughout your days. Peace & blessings.